Fed up because DH family don’t follow up on my health

[Mum8929]

I don’t know if I am being unreasonable but I feel like I’ve had a few bad things happen with me health wise the past few months. I developped really bad ezcema on my eyelids which was a pain for a few months and recently I was very ill with a flu and lost my voice entirely and had to take almost two weeks off work. I feel annoyed because DH family never seem to follow up on these when we talk to them. I told them how poorly I was and they even came over to help babysit with DD when I was ill so my FIL saw I had no voice but they never ask how I am doing and I am upset because it’s been almost a month and I’m still ill. DH says I’m too sensitive but it feels like common sense to ask someone when catching up about their ongoing health issues? AIBU?

YABU

I think I'd prefer supportive actions (coming to babysit your DD) over words personally. Do you offer to update on your health, or are you waiting to be asked? Not everyone is super vocal about things.

I can't stand it when people ask me if I'm over something yet.

I have a long standing chronic condition. I don't expect anyone to ask how I am, mostly because I don't want to have to say, 'Oh - just the same', or 'Still shit, thanks'.

I find it really odd that you expect inlaws to enquire after your health with something passing like flu. YABU to expect it.

I would certainly ask about relatives health if it was serious but flu or a lost voice, probably not.
My MIL always has some minor ailment, so many in fact I just forget what the current one is.

Not prying but offering practical help sounds perfect to me.

Well i don't think YABU at all, surely asking how you are won't kill them!!

Honestly, when someone tells me they're feeling unwell I don't even always remember for long. Not for something like exam

In-laws get a hard time on here for all sorts of reasons, but not enquiring after the state of their DIL’s eyelids is a new one (and I have long suffered with eczema riddled eyelids!)

Sorry clicked too soon: not for something like eczema or flu anyway. If reminded, I might be like 'oh yeah are you feeling ok now', but I wouldn't actively remember to ask them regularly

I think this is one of those situations where different families have different outlooks.

Maybe in your family, you’ve always made a point of asking about people’s health, and following it up a week or so later. However, for other families. maybe after an initial query, that will be it.

I think this is one of those battles you should forego. Still being upset a month later is definitely An over reaction.

I was expecting you to have terminal cancer or something serious. Not flu and eyelid eczema.

I was all set to say YANBU because I thought you were going to say you had cancer, or some sort of other crippling long term illness.

But seriously they came and looked after your DC, and you're put out they're assuming you no longer have flu??

X Posted with @79andnotout

Definitely unreasonable on your part. I wouldn’t expect anyone to give it a second thought.

You had itchy eyelids and a common virus, not brain cancer. The world doesn't revolve around anyone's basic ailments.

I think YABU. I don’t mean it unkindly.

My in-laws are lovely, we are very close. But I wouldn’t expect them to follow up with me about the flu or eyelid eczema.

I hate people boring mw with their health issues. We all have various things.

I certainly wouldn't be starting a conversation about it.

I love my in laws. I never tell them anything about my health, because they are a bit indifferent to health issues.
They came round and watched your DCs. I would think no more about it.

When I was 21, I had a reaction to an eye liner I'd been using for years and had terrible eczema on my eyelids. I don't recall anyone asking about it.

How much sympathy do you expect to get from having the flu? I wouldn't even tell anyone unless I was informing work or cancelling an arrangement.

People have different expectations of this sort of thing. But it wouldn't occur to me to be upset if someone didn't ask after me a month later.

Eek. I'm a terrible MIL then. Because I didn't check on how my son in law is after the virus he had.

But jeeze@Mum8929 your in-laws actually stepped up and helped you practically. You should be glad to have people who care enough to do that. Not whinging because they haven't called you.

For all you know they might have asked your DH how you are.

Have you asked about their health ?

Yes, this is exactly what I was going to say. I had Covid twice in quick succession last year, and couldn't have borne discussing my symptoms. I appreciated low-key offers of help when DH was away and DS needed to be picked up from football training or something.

Is this the daughter in law version of the dressing gown of doom?

My PIL always ask about my health but would never give any practical help. I find that irritating! It feels a bit fake sympathy in a way. I do see your point, that it feels like they either assume you are better or don't care that much, but I don't think it's that big a deal. People lose track of other people's lives and illnesses.