Fed up because DH family don’t follow up on my health

[Mum8929]

I don’t know if I am being unreasonable but I feel like I’ve had a few bad things happen with me health wise the past few months. I developped really bad ezcema on my eyelids which was a pain for a few months and recently I was very ill with a flu and lost my voice entirely and had to take almost two weeks off work. I feel annoyed because DH family never seem to follow up on these when we talk to them. I told them how poorly I was and they even came over to help babysit with DD when I was ill so my FIL saw I had no voice but they never ask how I am doing and I am upset because it’s been almost a month and I’m still ill. DH says I’m too sensitive but it feels like common sense to ask someone when catching up about their ongoing health issues? AIBU?

🤣🤣

I can't imagine even telling my in-laws I had eczema on my eyelids, let alone expecting them to check up on me afterwards.

A bit self indulgent OP!

Stop being mean to OP.

She's obviously feeling delicate and vulnerable and a bit unloved and down.

Maybe she doesn't have family nearby and maybe she feels alone. Maybe this is how she's used to people showing they care and now you're all just piling on and making her feel pathetic/ worse.

OP, I get you. Your in laws probably just don't communicate the same way as you are used to and it's unlikely to mean they don't care about you.

I hope you feel better soon.

Hmm if someone has the flu I commiserate with them at the time and then move on (if it’s going on for a while, I would think “oh poor x still has the flu, thats a bit shit) but it wouldn’t occur to me that they need checking on. People are always getting the flu, I’d rather have the childcare help than people whatsapping me everyday to check on my flu.

I know you must be feeling poorly OP but these are minor, common illnesses. Also if you do a lot of “woe is me” stuff every time you are ill people may make a point of not asking. I don’t mean to be unkind but it may be worth examining why you think these things require lots of attention from others. I genuinely thought this post was going to be about cancer or something.

Seriously?

This sounds like way too much hard work.

Yes, you are over sensitive.

No way would I expect this

My in-laws might ask me the following day if I'm feeling better if they know I've had a day off work or been in bed ill. Most of the time they don't know I have been ill in the first place.

My mum on the other hand will continue asking if we all are feeling ok for about 4 months after being ill. I do my best not to tell her I'm ill as is so irritating!

I wouldn’t think to check in on someone’s lost voice or eczema I’m afraid - I thought you were going to say you had something a lot more serious!
I definitely don’t check up on the in laws unless it’s something much bigger than those (though both sound annoying!).
Its also very good of them to come babysit when you have flu - mine kept away when we had flu or Covid which I didn’t blame them for.

You are being way too sensitive. My PIL didn't even comment when my father died. It was like it never happened.

@Pacifybull yes it was lovely to send a card.

A phone call or a text would also have been nice, bearing in mind I was in hospital for two weeks after having major surgery. Either to me or DH...

But each to their own. I would never consider a card was a suitable alternative to an actual conversation or to check in on someone. Clearly for her, that was ok. I still love her.

I stubbed my toe last week and my in laws didn’t even send a card 💐

It's eczema and flu? I don't expect anyone to be asking me and running around for this??

In laws just can’t win, can they 😬 my MIL drives me insane whenever she finds out one of us is sick, messaging me every day asking for an update. Even for the most minor of colds.

Different people, different families, different ways of doing things. They helped you out practically and that’s the important thing. Personally I don’t think lack of concern for DIL’s eyelids is a hill worth dying on.

I have permanent severe scalp eczema and right now also some sort of flu. I sometimes get eczema on my eyelids too, and it sucks as you have to be careful with creams and it looks awful. The scalp is so so much worse but not visible. But people don’t need to ask me about it.

You expected them to enquire after your eyelids? YABU

My DH is under strict instructions never to tell his family anything about my health. I haven't even told my own parents about my latest ailments.

Do you follow up on THEIR health, @Mum8929 ? If so, stop.

@Mum8929 in the scheme of things what you have said seems to be minor health problems,

the fact they are there for you and you can count on them speaks volumes really...

not everyone is vocal

Actions is communication in itself just a different type medium ...

I wish 🤞 i had family as good as that..

Jesus Christ , IN-LAWS can never do anything right , can they !

That is horrible though. Just horrible.

'mean'

Grow up

This is why people dont have resilience. The truth is, other people's health is tiresome and boring at the best of times, let alone whining on about a cold/flu, itchy eye lids, I wouldnt even remember this about someone let alone ask

Your illnesses aren't serious. YABU. And you do sound a bit self-centred. Do you care about other folk as much as you care about yourself.

I told them how poorly I was and they even came over to help babysit with DD when I was ill

Why on earth would they babysit when your children has a father? And if you are truly ill with the flu why do you think your family should spread it to them? Truly selfish. You need to grow up op.

If you had something serious like cancer obviously you would expect them to ask about your health and treatment etc, but eczema and a normal winter illness like flu don’t exactly warrant regular updates. I think you’re being over sensitive and unreasonable to expect them to be giving such minor illnesses any headspace or care.