Nursery refused place aibu

[Honeyplease]

Saw a lovely nursery 2 weeks ago. Looking to start my 2yo son who is currently with a childminder. I mentioned that he had tried preschool but didnt get on with it too well (he is only just 2 and the preschool had mostly 3/4 year olds) I also mentioned that I suspect him to be neurodiverse but I wasn’t sure (no diagnosis or anything) he is developmentally on track he just has odd quips.

Was given a reg form, sent it back same day. Waited.. nothing. sent another email, and another.. tried calling. Left a voicemail. Basically 2 weeks of chasing. Nothing.

Today I finally received an email back from the owner.

“The problem I have in securing the place is we already have children coming through with significant needs and I'm concerned having spoken to our special educational needs coordinator that we won't have the capacity to give your son the the quality of care he deserves just like any other child.”

I am stunned! Aibu? surely they cannot do this.

DLA has been changed now - for new claimants they have to apply for p.i.p.
The criteria is different. Also I may be wrong but I didn't think you could claim fir a child under 4 unless they had significantly more care needs than an average child under 4 ?

Under 16s still apply for PIP. Technically, it can be applied for from birth, but won't be awarded until 3 months old. It's much harder to get DLA for a baby, though, because all babies need significant care and supervision.

The council and another professional team involved with the child have said it is DLA that the child should be applying for so I'm not sure about PIP.

Private businesses are not allowed to discriminate against children with disabilities any more than state ones!
I have no idea where Mumsnet gets its ideas from. Children can be sent away from any and every provision just because it's private, women can be not offered a job because they are pregnant, etc. etc.
Anyone heard of the Equality Act?

I thought that DLA had been phased out in most areas now - existing claimants were reassessed on to PIP some of the criteria has been changed.
New claimants start with PIP.
Does child have mobility issues because the criteria for this is much stricter now under PIP ( certainly for adults )
The professional teams maybe using outdated generic terminology - in the same way the some people still say DSS when it is now universal credit for example.
Or it could be that your area is still doing DLA but is in the process of changing over in which case the parents maybe waiting to apply for PIp rather than doing a claim for DLA and then having to be reassessed in the Near future for PIP ?

DLA is very much alive and well for children under 16. It's uncommon to get it for a preschool child unless they have very significant needs.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/sick-or-disabled-people-and-carers/pip/before-claiming/if-you-get-dla/

We helped three families apply for DLA in the spring last year and all three children were awarded money - two who had just turned 4 and one who was still 3. All of those children have moved into a mainstream school this year, although two are on a reduced timetable. The other has some communication language challenges but is thriving and from the two years they were with us, I wouldn’t have said they had “very significant needs” although there were definitely some needs there.

What is the money for?

It goes to the family directly to help them care for the child.

If the child is claiming DLA, it can allow them to access the 2 year old funding which unlocks potential additional funding for nurseries, and in my LA nurseries can also claim a once a year payment for children in receipt of DLA (around £850 a year).

I’m unsure as to what you’re confused or stunned about? Their response explains it all very clearly and is totally reasonable. Find another place.

It is still DLA for children, towards the additional costs of raising a child with a disability. PIP is for working age adults.

Funding depends on where you live. In some LAs early years inclusion funding isn’t available until 3. Same for Disability Access Funding for those in receipt of DLA, some LAs have a local agreement but they only have provide it for 3&4 year olds.

It's neither clear nor reasonable. Child is developmentally on track, no diagnosis and no reason to try and find one. The nursery has an obligation to make reasonable adjustments for children with disabilities, but they also have zero evidence this child even HAS a disability. It's totally unlawful and is based on bias, not evidence.

Due to the child's Mum telling them he might be ND. For no particular reason, it seems.

If he isn't, she needs to stop telling people he is.

Similar situation happened to us. My mother-in-law recommended us a local child minder. They are not friends in any way, this child minder comes to my MIL shop every week and been doing this for over 15 years. MIL said she seems lovely and they would always have a little chat about life, kids etc.

Anyway we had a meeting with this child minder, quite small but lovely house, only very few children there, lots of toys. I thought meeting went well. She sent us all the documents, her policies, price-list etc. Our boy was only 16 months old, healthy, well behaved, shy, no special needs. Great, we are happy, when can we start? After this question she just ghosted us. Didn’t pick up the phone, didn’t answer our emails. 2 weeks later she finally messaged that she can’t accommodate our child. The reason given was ridiculous, she said that one of her moms mentioned that she might increase her work hours from January next year (it was July!) and she potentially will need more hours for her son to be at childminders. Might and potentially. Wow. What a waste of time it was!

But thing is… 4 weeks later my friend posted a message in local Facebook group looking for a childminder. And that exact lady messaged her saying that she has availabilities. How terrible is that?

@Honeyplease I would apply somewhere else and not mention your thoughts that he may be ND. At 2, it doesn't make much difference anyway.

Maybe she didn't when you applied, but then someone dropped out and she did.

It’s a private business they can do what they like.
Its not school.

Further more although your son isn’t diagnosed with anything and is reaching all his milestones you mentioned to the nursery he may be ND
If he has issues they have said they can’t cope.

Ps…I would get him tested if you think his quirks are something more than just normal quirks that we all have.

When you have a meeting with a childminder they are just as much interviewing you to see if you are a good fit for their setting as much as you are interviewing them. She was unprofessional ghosting you but you were never entitled to have that space just because you met with her. Childminders have very small numbers so it's vital to have the right mix of children.

Why would you want to send your child to a nursery that cannot cope with their needs? Let it go and find another option.

I'm sorry, this sounds very upsetting for you, and they could have lessened this by responding sooner.
Providers, public or private are subject to the same discrimination laws (though I believe smaller providers get an exemption). But your son doesn't have a diagnosis or a recognised disability, so they can argue that they haven't discriminated on those grounds (they could cite his relative immaturity or difficulty settling at the last place as being their reasoning instead). Speak to you local authority about the Local Offer, and if you genuinely believe that your son is neurodiverse speak to your GP about diagnosis.
There is some useful information on the Coram Family website:

Its not much better in schools sadly. I spend my day trying to keep 32 children safe from 1 who has violent outbursts regularly. Just last week i walked into class after lunch and was punched in the face. The school and the SEN dept have tried countless time to convince the parents to move to a specialist setting but according to them, mainstreams fine. Its not fine, the school simply cannot meet this childs needs even with a 1to1 at nearly all times so it is unfair on the child who could potentially thrive in the correct setting. Its also unfair on the other children who have been attacked at a place they should be safe. And its not fair on staff, I dont go to work to be assaulted.
The funding cuts made to special provisions in the name of inclusion are abhorrent. It is so very sad

@Honeyplease
"he just has odd quips"

Quips??? Do you mean quirks?

I think it’s good they haven’t taken on a child they might not be able to give all they need.

I don’t think you should be telling nurseries your child may be neurodiverse with no diagnosis and no significant symptoms.

My son has ADHD & ASD and before diagnosis I didn’t tell people I thought he had additional needs unless absolutely necessary. Especially not at 2 years old!

Well said!

Yes they can say this.

One private nursery I visited didn't take my child because they said we lived too far away. We live one mile away so in reality they wanted people from the very expensive area nearer to their nursery only.

I was shocked at the time too. I'm not anymore.