Children on Ipads in restaurants

[Somersetlady]

Away in a resort. I am shocked by the number of children on ipads for the entire sitting of a meal. Breakfast lunch and dinner.

Buffet to fine dining.

From todlers upwards.

No social interaction with parents or staff and mindless eating whilst inhaling cartoons.

i understand that parents want a bit of a break but surely this is shockingly bad for the children?

An interest in the moving parts of social norms on an anonymous internet forum is surely acceptable.

i haven't approached anyone irl and asked why are you ignoring your child and letting them ignore the servers…….

I do sort of agree with you, there are an awful lot of kids on tablets etc when out and about and I do sometimes feel a bit weird about it, that this is what the world is now. I personally don't take any screens with us for the kids to use during a meal and prefer to get them to draw or colour in instead, or sometimes bring cards or a toy for them to play, but what's the difference really? I'm still not interacting with my children as much as I should. I'm still giving them something else to do so I can have some peace and quiet. I'm not sure I can be classed as a better parent just because my kids are doing the more socially acceptable thing of colouring in instead of watching Bluey!

A normal standard of behaviour shouldn't be 'performing' though

Do you allow them to behave feral at home then?

Is it just iPads that are an issue? My 6yo sometimes brings a book along, I mean that’s still not necessarily interacting with us the whole time. Though she does always order her own food when the waiter comes.

@MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned it was very unusual when I was a dc to go out to eat with your family regularly. As I said I still learned how to behave. Was it common for you?

It’s a very family friendly hotel and there are adult only options so i think normal child chatter and noise whilst seated at tables is totally acceptable.

I completely agree with you OP and if that makes me judgmental I couldn't give a fig. We have a strict no screens at the table rule which occasionally gets slightly relaxed eg at family lunch yesterday DD and BIL played a game together on his phone after they had finished eating. Using screens at the table on a consistent basis is not teaching children anything about learning to interact socially. I visit nurseries regularly as part of my job, and I have yet to walk into one during lunchtime where the children are glued to screens 🤷🏻‍♀️ Instead, the adults are sitting with them interacting with them. Yes there will be instances where having a screen as a back-up plan when things get a bit challenging is a lifesaver - I would say there are very few parents out there that haven't resorted to this, I know we certainly have! But I think what the OP is referencing is the habitual use of screens - no it's not just a snapshot, it is definitely happening... ask any optician how they predict children's eye health is going these days due to excessive screen use... it is become a very real problem.

@Humdingerydoo exactly we don’t use screens any more but the dc colour, sometimes they read. I’m not constantly interacting with them but I don’t feel the need too.

There won't be time for anything anyway if you're shovelling a meal down in 10 minutes. At least the toddlers aren't missing school like yours

This exactly. Please feel free to ignore your child but please bring head phones as a peppa pig sound track is a big intrusion

That said, we don't use screens at the table either but I can think of many reasons why people might

Hmmm, I feel like parents in restaurants can't win. Either they're criticised for their kids being 'loud' and moving around the restaurant or they're criticised for being quiet and on iPads.

We're not in an Edwardian aristocratic family home, children aren'y going to sit obediently and talk with their parents about how much they're enjoyed Mr Conan Doyle's latest story. They're kids, they're going to make noise unless you distract them with a device.

I think some of it comes down to English class snobbery. Go to a family-friendly society like in Itlay or Greece and the kids will be wlaking round, playing, the families will be getting up and greeting ech other etc. It's only a small sub-section of British society that seems to want to police exactly how children behave in public.

How many more of these sneery threads do we need?
There's been dozens
You do you hun

You’re seeing a small part of their life, you’ve no idea whether this is a regular occurrence. Beak out beaky!

The iPad is for me. It buys me a bit of grown up time.

It’s for you too. I assume you want adult time too, you e paid for your meal and you want to enjoy it without my kid making noise, or me making noise at my kid.

My child is generally well behaved, but he’s 3. Meals are boring. We’ve got toys, cars, stickers, colouring, playing cards etc in the bag too. Usually he’s watching something like Blaze or Super Wings (building STEM, learning about other countries) or playing Kidloland. We interact with him and use it together. He’s starting to read too, we’ve got some great phonics games. But sometimes he’s just having a good old chill with a film/tv show, or watching someone on YouTube play with toys he actually owns. He’s learned some Spanish from kids YouTube too, which will be nice for him when we go there in a few months.

Before I was a mum there were 3 things I was really sure about:

1. No screen time.
2. No kids in the pub/restaurant
3. No kids in the bed

Oh how I look back now and laugh at my naivety.

I guarantee My kid without an iPad would annoy you a lot more!

I went on package holidays with my family in a pretty similar way to described in the OP - it was the 90s, that wasn't hugely unusual. And that involved eating every meal out and (obviously) doing it without screens. We eat out quite a lot with my children (3 and 5) now and we just don't have devices at the table, they know that.

@Somersetlady you've just quoted and replied to yourself with "this exactly" 😉🤣

Torn on this TBH - I don't personally like to let my child use screens during mealtimes (out of the house or at home). At home they get one meal a week they are allowed to eat in front of the TV. When we eat out I don't generally allow it at all. Occasionally will let them look at my phone with me - Googling pictures of animals or something together to keep them entertained if they're struggling to be chill/food taking a particularly long time, etc.
But equally I can see why parents do it. Eating out with small children can be awful as often as it can be lovely. The struggle is real!

But personally don't agree with using screens ALL the time at every meal. But then I also think what other people do with their children is not really any of my business!

I 100% agree with you op. Lazy "parenting". But loads will tell you off for saying so. And me most likely for agreeing with you. Screens shouldnt be used as babysitters.

I completely agree OP. It’s lazy and very bad for the kids. Kids need to learn to have conversations, how to speak to waiting staff, how to eat mindfully rather than grazing whilst distracted.

There are so many people on here claiming that the alternative is noisy kids running amok. I’m not sure why the alternative isn’t kids sitting nicely and engaging in their surroundings.

I also disagree that for a lot of these people it’s just a “one-off” so they can enjoy their holiday. In my experience these parents whip the iPad out at every opportunity so that they don’t have to parents their kids.

But I think what the OP is referencing is the habitual use of screens - no it's not just a snapshot, it is definitely happening... ask any optician how they predict children's eye health is going these days due to excessive screen use... it is become a very real problem.

But how do you know what is habitual or which families are like you who have a strict no screen rule relaxed it? Surely it’s not just ipads at lunch impacting future dc’s eyes it’s TVs, bigger & sharper, it’s screens at school, it’s screens at work?

Never done it
Mine are now 12 and 7
They always managed with toys or colouring or we just chat
Weve always taken them out without issue probably bevause they're used to it.

Of course there are some who require tech in those circumstances but the majority don't and the "its a snapshot" argument is just rubbish excuses

I'm actually quite horrified by the 44% of people that think you are being unreasonable!

If a child cannot behave at a meal table in a restaurant, then either teach them to behave or don't take them out for a meal - get a babysitter!

My 3 kids have been taught to sit and behave at the meal table, to talk about things, and if they get bored then a pen and paper to draw something in the restaurant. Some restaurants even have colouring in.

It's just lazy parenting to sit your child on a screen at a meal table.

(And yes, before someone starts the "my child is autistic" speech, autism was around for a long time before screens. My autistic child manages just fine in a restaurant as long as I keep him occupied and talk to him. I won't be taking him to a fine dine restaurant though!)

Meh, restaurants are boring for kids. Especially when it’s 3 meals a day for a week or 2 like on holiday. Ipads in restaurants are not something I do unless it’s a big family thing and we’ve been there over 2 hours and they’ve got through 3 courses but the group is still lingering… but honestly I couldn’t care less how anyone else entertains their kids so long as I can’t hear it (headphones or v low volume are a must). We always take sticker books, colouring etc but I’m really not convinced that makes me a superior parent as I’m still not really interacting with them!

I also disagree that for a lot of these people it’s just a “one-off” so they can enjoy their holiday. In my experience these parents whip the iPad out at every opportunity so that they don’t have to parents their kids.

One of the reasons we don't have screens at meals, ever, is because I've seen from friends how it goes if you usually let you child have one and then don't - or, god forbid, the battery runs out. It's so much easier to just not.