To be fed up how quick everyone expects a response?

[asrarpolar]

People contact me by email, whatsup, facebook messenger and most seem to expect a response that day. Its just too much and is really stressing me out. If it is important phone me! But nobody ever does.

I hate the expectation that you are instantly available to respond and that not doing so is somehow rude. Mind you I also hate people phoning me...

Yes we all have busy lives. It is really stressing me out.

If this is a serious issue, delete all the apps.

Alternatively, ignore messages until you're ready to respond and don't apologise or explain the delay. People will gradually get used to the fact that you are not someone who responds straight away and stop expecting it.

I’m 50/50 on this.

it takes about 20 seconds to reply to some
messages

@lemonmeringueno3 different friends/family use different apps.
I have just had a social night out cancelled because - as you did not respond I thought you did not want to go any more. It has an impact.

The sttressful thing for me is when people send a message when it's not convenient. You manage to read it even though you're in the middle of something, because what if it's important? You realise it isn't urgent, you get back to what you're doing, and then you completely forget later when you are free that you still need to respond to the earlier message.

Does everyone really sit with their phone by them at all times ready to respond to any messages?

Totally depends what they’re expecting a response to

@Crabble but if they need a response then they can ring me. But no one ever does.

If you have a busy life, all those messages being phone calls instead would take up massively more of you time then tapping a quick answer does.

I have a (lovely) family member who will say the same as you about the pressure of messages, and will take days to reply to something that I need an answer to. But if I phone her, it's ALWAYS a bad time and she sounds irritated that I've called. Can't win sometimes.

That's just the modern expectation unfortunately. These things are hard because we can't, as individuals, change social expectations.

Why not set aside a time every day to go through and reply to messages. If you commute via public transport use that time, or just pick a time when you usually have 10-15 mins of calm and do it then. Nice and contained.

A now you see I find phone calls really stressful. Far far prefer a message. Guess we are all different

So someone invited you out, you didn’t respond, so they cancelled?

If that’s correct YABU. Why don’t you respond to messages within a reasonable timeframe? I would say I expect a response within 24 hours, maybe more if I know someone is exceptionally busy/has family staying, that kind of thing.

I am 58 but the only phone calls I don’t mind taking are from my DC. Friends don’t call unless it’s really urgent.

@Bluenotgreen we had already arranged a night out. They messaged saying are we still on for x date and because I had not responded they cancelled. I have NEVER cancelled an arranged date, I am always there.
Or people messaging saying do you want to meet up in 2 hours time? Am I really supposed to be constantly checking messages?

How many days between them messaging you, and them assuming it was cancelled?

@laclochette truthfully it makes me feel like being a hermit.
I want to switch off, not be constantly checking apps.

@Bluenotgreen why assume? I have never cancelled. I would ring if I was worried about a non response. Or at least message a second time.

Maybe it is me and I should just be a hermit.

I agree. If its important call. My friend had a slight dig at me for not replying sooner I told her I was ill but everyone knows if jts an emergency you ring me more than once

I HATE phone calls! Would stress me out if people kept ringing me for quick questions!

If also assume if someone didn’t reply to ‘are we still on for x’ that they were trying to think of a way to get out of it.
Most apps have a way of marking something back unread so if I don’t have time to answer I leave it unread until I do.

I have a 24 hour turnaround for replying to messages. Usually do it first thing in the morning while I'm having my coffee. Then that's it till the day after.

So you aren't near your phone enough to respond to a message within a day. But you are always available for a phone call (which would be infinitely more time consuming).
How many seconds would it have taken for you to respond to your message about a night out: 'yeah, I'm looking forward to it. See you later'

They asked a question - could they see you had read the message?

If I didn’t know if a message had been read and it was urgent, I might ring or text instead of WhatsApp in case they were in a low data area or whatever.

Maybe someone else had asked them to do something, which they wanted to do if you weren’t available.

I have a landline people can call me on.

Ok - but you want everyone to contact you in your preferred way. They want to tap out a quick message on a noisy bus or in a quiet office.

Fine I seriously think maybe I should just be friends with others not constantly on their phone and forget about everyone else.
I do not need this extra stress.