To be fed up how quick everyone expects a response?

[asrarpolar]

People contact me by email, whatsup, facebook messenger and most seem to expect a response that day. Its just too much and is really stressing me out. If it is important phone me! But nobody ever does.

Op, you are putting the onus on your friend then, to remember that you are one who doesn’t need to be confirmed.

anyway, whilst I might not message to confirm if you were still coming, if I DID message and you ignored, then I would not be sure anyway!

again… how long ahead was the confirmation message and how long before the person cancelled you as you hadn’t replied?

I would be pretty angry at someone cancelling that late unless it was illness or similar

If its a casual arrangement I like to give people an 'out' tbh. Lots of my friends have small children and have been awake all night scraping bodily fluids off a child. I only want them to meet up if they feel like it.

Maybe I should just become a hermit. I do not fit into this world.

Have you actually told your friends this?

”I am not big on chatting by text, but happy to use it for a quick message to confirm arrangements” or whatever?

I completely understand OP. It's also the expectation of a conversation if you reply with a simple yes after being asked are we still on for tonight? I have a friend who is obsessed with constantly messaging people. We'll arrange to meet up the next day then the next day is "are we still OK for tonight?". "Yes, we arranged this less than 24 hours ago!" Then if you reply yes, a conversation is expected ie do you know what you're ordering, I can't wait for a night out I've been so stressed at work....etc.

I deliberately don't reply to her immediately about pretty much anything as she tries to draw me into a conversation that lasts hours and I just can't spend my downtime sitting typing on my phone.

You sound like a great friend 💐

I find the expectation for immediate responses bonkers. Sometimes I just don’t have the time to respond during the day and can guarantee I won’t have the time at night when I have family stuff to do. In reality it’s never just a quick message back. You go into social media and start browsing and an hour has gone. It’s what the system is designed for.

OP I’d start being blunt with people about messaging. Say to friend if we have agreed to meet up then it’s in the diary I don’t need to reconfirm at regular intervals I’ll be there when I’ve said I will.

Alternatively ditch the smartphone and tell your friends if they want you they can use old fashioned methods. I did this for a year using a Nokia brick and loved it. No social media, no demands for instant responses, no inane chatter. You soon find out who your real friends are when they need to make an effort like pre 2009.

Yeah I hate it. But I have good boundaries now.
Everyone has their own communication needs and styles. We need to understand that no ones is more superior than someone else's. Just because someone is happy to send constant texts all day doesn't mean that's the normal standard and anyone whose not happy with that is a wierdo. We need to acknowledge that everyone's different. Some people like that, some people find that level of communication stressful and draining.
Ultimately if communication needs differ too much between people then that relationship of whatever type, kinda needs to end for the sake of both people.
Often a middle ground could be found between two peopld if they are both undetstanding of each other..
but i have come across a fair few people who just won't accept anything less than a complete match in how they communicate and if you don't live up to that or try to discuss how it effects you they become furious. They suggest it's entirely your fault, you are rude and you owe them a response in a certain time frame to any communication they send.
When I was younger I really took this to heart and had a dreadful time trying to meet people's demands.
Now days I just straight up end the friendship or acquaintance.
I surround myself with people who are on the same page as me, or at least flexible.

Noooo!!!! They’re awful, I never listen to them. I’m always around other people and they don’t need to hear someone else’s messages to me.

If anyone sends me a voicenote there is a 95% chance I’ll never hear it

I feel you OP. I had a client chase me for a reply to something non-urgent last weekend — it had been two days. I told her I don’t work weekends.

She just chased me again this weekend for a reply to another non-urgent message. I had it on my to do list to reply today, but she emailed again at midday to chase AGAIN.

I find it so, so rude. I replied helpfully (because work) but with no apology.

op i understand. i am like you if i have made a plan to be somewhere i will be. but as others have said it does seem to be be that people will do the whole "are we still on for tomorrow" thing and though a bit annoying i just text back a yes. it is frustrating as if i haven't cancelled then of course i am still on like why are you asking but it seems to make it easier for people. i also find trying to respond to a million whatsapps a bit overwhelming but even then that is much much quicker than calling people. no one wants to chat on phone now as it takes a lot of time up. but i can see your point of view wanted to say that.

You are obviously very popular if you are being regularly besieged with messages! I rarely reply to messages during the working day & put my phone on DND through the night but I still have plenty of time to reply in my free time. Very normal to message asking if plans are still on & no response to me would = no.