To be fed up how quick everyone expects a response?

[asrarpolar]

People contact me by email, whatsup, facebook messenger and most seem to expect a response that day. Its just too much and is really stressing me out. If it is important phone me! But nobody ever does.

I understand, I had a client do this on a meeting I was driving 1.5 hours to meet them, they whatapps me in the morning to confirm, but we'd already said the meeting was happening.

Anyway I gotup showered, drove didn't think anything of a few notifications and happened to stop for fuel, opened and they bloody cancelled as I hadn't responded at 7.30am that morning to their "confirm".

They decided to WFH so went anywhere near the location. So bloody annoying.

I get overload with platforms, emails, teams. Whatapp, google doc, slack.. etc etc

Yanbu

It is constant. I am in many WhatsApp groups. Whilst these can be useful, there is a lot of dross so you have to read the dross to find the important messages.

The expectation to reply to social groups during working hours is annoying.

The class groups where other parents can't be bothered to read the emails the school send so constantly ask questions about dates and how you book parents evening.

The work emails outside of work hours in demanding tones. Then add in teams messenger.

When you do an hour of work and come back to 100 WhatsApp messages - all of which are nonsense but you have to read it to check.

@sonjadog annoying, but you have no idea why he did not answer.

No, I don't. That's the whole point. However, what I do know is that I won't get to go on the trip we were looking forward to because of him. And maybe he has a good reason for that and if I knew I would understand, but I don't know because he will not answer his fucking phone. So what I am left with is a feeling that his lack of consideration has ruined something that meant a lot to me.

@sonjadog depending on the individual my overall concern would be worried that he is okay and not really ill.

In terms of earlier comments, I am not saying this is intrusive. I have no issues with phone calls for example. The issue is it is another mental load of things people expect you to do every day. I have enough on my plate and just want to switch off at times, not checking apps.

But you get that someone else may be in different circumstances? Sending a quick text whilst waiting for a meeting to start? Working in the office where obviously personal calls are frowned on?

By the way, I think you should do what you like about chit chat, if you don’t want to, don’t. But a quick response about a meet up (again, you haven’t said how long you left it unread, or read but not responded) isn’t chitchat

Turn off blue ticks and last seen on WhatsApp

But also, feel free to respond to non urgent matters as and when you can. If something is urgent, they'll call.
I don't mind if people Don't respond to non urgent messages for weeks.. Even my close friends. I just assume they're busy living their lives and am glad they feel they dont have to reply instantly.

You do you! We live in a world where we are conditioned to do everything instantly.. we need to pull back on that.

This is really confusing to me. The younger people (20s and 30s) in my circle have explained to me that it's now considered rude to call someone without messaging first to check that it's convenient. So I'm really reluctant to call anyone. And now I have to feel that messaging someone for some information is also irritating?

So what do I do?

I think if someone still has a landline it is safe to assume it is okay to call them without notice.

I don’t even have a phone plugged into my landline. I don’t want to be fielding nuisance calls about “having been in an accident recently” 🙄 in between friends.

Quick text: perfect.

I’m in my 50s and nobody in my social and family group calls.

• We still on for tomorrow night?
• Yep! Looking toward to it - see you outside the cinema at 20:00 👍🏻

Job done!

I would find phone calls a pain.

But why do you have to message are you still on for tonight? If I have made a commitment I stick to it.

The only landline number I know is my childhood home. I don’t have a single landline number in my phone. I don’t know if that’s unusual - but I expect it’s not, because that’s not just me, but every person who has given me their number. I’m 53.

Sorry about the typo 😂

I have no strong feelings about calls or texts but won’t answer either if I’m busy or it’s a bad time. I can’t be doing with the insistence on not ‘leaving people on read’, I’m at other people’s beck and call all day at work. I’m certainly not going to be automatically available to everyone at home too.

And don’t get me started on bloody voice notes which are really inconvenient to listen to so I usually end up forgetting them.

You certainly are not being unreasonable! In this day & age social media is demanding & I know being on it myself people expect you to just drop everything & respond in an instant which isn't always possible due to a busy day, week & the likes. To me if it's that important a person can ring me otherwise just be patient & wait for me to reply back as & when I can. If they want to throw their toys out of the pram then so be it. When I message someone I'm not expecting an instant reply but sadly social media etc isn't as relaxed as it once was so now & then I take a break from it to recharge my batteries & want it to be a fun time on it, not a headache so your right to feel how you do!

Because it takes seconds, both to send and reply, and saves the chance that one of us has forgotten.

Maybe you don’t ever forget… but personally I’d have missed a theatre event last week without the automatic text the day before, and I generally consider myself to have a good memory and I usually add things to a calendar. This time I hadn’t. It’s not unusual for my friends however to say, “yikes - forgot!” or “yep all good - I know we said 20:00 but work or crazy this week so might be 20:15, don’t want to leave to stood waiting.”

9/10 we don’t need to confirm it - for the 1/10 (or less) you’ve saved any issues from a simple exchange that was easily managed in seconds.

I can’t even emphasise enough how much I am with you on this OP.

like you, I can’t be l checking my messages all day - I need to decompress or care for my young kids!

A few pp’s also - in a different way - speak to the problem I see in our culture on expectations for messaging…. that your moment of peace and quiet in a day should be for replying to people etc. what about staying sane? I allocate time for sitting down with messages about every other day unless it’s a super quick or genuinely urgent one. And only check about 3-4 times a day. I’m happy to receive calls though. But I find messages MUCH more draining

Ive definitely lost friends over my slow responses! Learning to live with it

Voice notes are your answer, quicker than typing and quicker than a phone call. I use them all the time now ...took a few attempts to feel comfortable but they are fab

I've just (22.34 on a Sunday night) got a message from a customer. Someone I know and like and the content is very sweet about her daughter's birthday present. But I'm not flipping answering! It is constant these days. I answer when I'm ready - which sometimes means I forget - but it's unreasonable to expect an instant reply.

@whyamiawakestill that is outrageous of the client

For some maybe - and don’t know about OP - but didn’t work for me. I still use them alongside messages a lot and have done for years but it still takes me processing power. I still can’t whip them out all day without getting really drained, distracted and my quality of time with my kids suffering.
i think peoples processing speeds and the way their brain works are so different

i usually prefer text etc and try to respond asap, especially with modern comms even if i make a cuppa

You did though! She asked you if it was still on and for some bizarre reason rather than take five seconds to send back a message saying yes you ignored her. Most people would assume it's cancelled

You would ring others would text. We are all different