To think that this is ok.. gofundme for a wealthy family

[yhegadian]

My friends and I had lunch yesterday. We starting chatting about a family we know and live near. Seemingly wealthy, enjoy the trappings of wealth, one of best addresses in London. Summer house, private education for kids etc.
One of the kids has an opportunity to get a preventative course of medicine for the recurrence of a life limiting disease that can be effective but is not guaranteed. A trial.
It will cost £100's K.
I think. Gofundme is perfectly acceptable in view of their child's potential opportunity . Others in the group were shocked that they would consider this due to their apparent wealth, family wealth, salubrious homes , cars etc and felt other causes were more deserving considering their present financial situation will remain ie some felt they could take their other children from private school, trade down regarding their home, sell their summer home , downgrade cars. They won't be using capital from any of the above to fund treatment.
AIBU?

What I would find distasteful is delaying treatment for their child to wait for a GoFundMe when they could afford to pay for it.

I don’t necessarily think it’s immoral because people can decide whether or not to donate, as long as they are fairly transparent about their situation. I wouldn’t contribute though.

Totally agree

Actually, that previous poster has a point. Anecdotally, I’ve also noticed people who are less well off are usually more willing to donate to things.

Very bad taste if it's aimed at the general public or friends on average income. I guess if their social circle are as rich as they are, it might make sense to ask if their mates would chip in a bit.

Raising funds for treatment/emergencies should be a last resort. It is not there to stop you dipping into savings or sacrificing some aspects of your lifestyle ( assuming the family in the OP have not done that already).
And what happens if they don't raise enough? Kid doesn't have the treatment?

That mindset of 'how can I get someone else to pick up this cost?' is possibly how they have become and remained wealthy.

That's disgraceful. I need to replace my wheelchair. It will be about £10k for something that's okay, closer to £20k for something I want. We haven't got that money at so we've bought a second hand duplicate of my existing chair that my DH is breaking down for spares. A friend of mine suggested I should do a go fund me and I was really shocked. We may not have that money in the bank, but we do have about £500k equity in the house that we could use if we had to. It's not a fancy house in a posh part of London, it is a fairly big 4 bed detached in Surrey. I told my friend that it would be completely inappropriate for me to be sitting in a house this size and go asking for handouts from strangers. I'm astonished that anyone could possibly think that's okay. Some people have no shame!

I don't think it'd be feasible to ever get enough donations for it to even make nearly enough to cover it? Don't they make a few grand max, unless it's a very well known cause? It's something so many people think to set up the minute anything happens now and I imagine the site is flooded with questionable "causes" which is a shame for those genuinely in need!

Correct. That's what gets to me. The majority of people who will read their story and feel moved to contribute have no idea of how wealthy the people are that they are donating to. Of course, it's not a new thing either. I saw a Hollywood star do a GoFu**Me and she exceeded her goal. It was to send her son's LL to Cooperstown. Now, besides the fact that she has more than enough money to send them all, I am betting the LL team he is on is from her town and I would bet none of them are using the food bank. It's one of the main reasons I call it what I do. It's abused too often these days, and there is no way to check the veracity of a person's claims.

The people in this case want to help their son, but not at a loss to their lifestyle. I find that angering, sad and distasteful.

I don't think you are being fair. You don't actually know how these things are funded. They could be family owned houses, and grandparents paying school fees etc. Having a child with a life limiting illness should be enough for people to consider being generous. Suggestions like taking kids out of private school seem a bit mean - they have enough to deal with if their sibling is unwell.

People can then decide whether they wish to contribute or not. But I would rather help someone through a terrible situation however bad than turn my back on this.

How is the summerhouse producing rental income an okay reason to not sell it? Other people should hand over money they've actually worked for so that this family can keep their source of passive income? You can't be serious?!

No better or worse than those who don't bother taking out holiday insurance, then want stranger to pay for their hospital treatment because they've fallen off a scooter in Greece...
Or those who want strangers to fund their cosmetic surgery

So the same people who have a family rich enough to house them in some style, for free, needs the wider public to fund their child’s medical treatment? That doesn’t add up. If their parents are paying out for private school for the grandchildren and letting them have a family house rent free, where is THEIR money going? Either they have some money in their own right, or they live entirely off elderly wealthy parents - and if they can afford that, is there really not a bean left towards their grandchild’s medical treatment?

I think they‘ve got a cheek tbh, asking other people to pay so they don’t have to give up any of their luxuries.

It's SO the OP, isn't it? Come on @KimberleyClark , 'fess up.

I tagged the wrong person-apologies! @yhegadian , sell the summer house, love.

It's about compassion for the human condition. On your reasoning, the public should not pay for this child's treatment via the NHS either.

If we want to be a society that looks into whether people can afford treatment by "where THEIR money is going" where does that stop? You have been on holiday in the last 3 years - not funding you. You buy takeaways every week - not funding you. Your house is worth more than X - not funding you. The answer is you end up with an American style system where its everyone for their own instead of treating access to healthcare as a universal need regardless of status.

If you feel these people are not morally worthy for not taking their other children out of schools to pay for the hand their sibling was dealt, you would not contribute.

On the other hand, could recognise that despite the physical trappings of a wealthy lifestyle, this family could not have the one thing that we all hope for our children which is a long and healthy life. And you could contribute.

But over to you which you do - its not a moral judgement on contribution or not - I just don't think it is objectionable that they ask.

I agree it’s not a great look when they could liquidate so many things to fund what is assumedly a priority?

i can see both sides but then its upto the public if they want to donate

But it’s likely the poor who will end up paying for his care.

I agree with pp, it’s immoral.

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I doubt many folks have £100k knocking about in liquid cash. They may well have big, nice houses and private school fees but it does not mean they have tons to spare. I guess if they were pleading poverty in a very obvious and dishonest way in the Go fund Me page, then it would be appalling. Presumably those who donate would know they are not poor exactly, but they would be doing it for other reasons, out of compassion. So I guess it might raise an eyebrow but only in a way that would probably mean I didn't know as much about their lives as I thought I did.

Interesting that in the UK you will never have to pay to take part in a clinical trial.

Whoever is leading on this trial is taking advantage of vulnerable, desperate parents. Disgusting

I used to work in research by the way and am as far from a 'big pharma' conspiracist as you can get. I'm just glad that it doesn't happen here.

I know people who have sold their only home to fund cancer treatment. I think it's utterly astonishing to go begging if you have substantial assets beyond your main home.

I guess if they were very upfront and honest and make it clear on their go fund me that they are very wealthy but aren't prepared to part with any of that wealth then maybe, just maybe, this behaviour would only be morally dubious.

I’m in the position of choosing to stop treatment and work. Or stop working and become homeless. I have applied to many different agency’s as well as the DSS. It’s will be a few weeks before I receive any financial help. Despite this would I start a go fund me, not a chance in hell.