To think that this is ok.. gofundme for a wealthy family

[yhegadian]

My friends and I had lunch yesterday. We starting chatting about a family we know and live near. Seemingly wealthy, enjoy the trappings of wealth, one of best addresses in London. Summer house, private education for kids etc.
One of the kids has an opportunity to get a preventative course of medicine for the recurrence of a life limiting disease that can be effective but is not guaranteed. A trial.
It will cost £100's K.
I think. Gofundme is perfectly acceptable in view of their child's potential opportunity . Others in the group were shocked that they would consider this due to their apparent wealth, family wealth, salubrious homes , cars etc and felt other causes were more deserving considering their present financial situation will remain ie some felt they could take their other children from private school, trade down regarding their home, sell their summer home , downgrade cars. They won't be using capital from any of the above to fund treatment.
AIBU?

This. A family that does not sell a second home should not expect other families to assist.

Absolutely awful. They’re prioritising a summer house and private education over their child’s health, and getting less wealthy people to pay for it instead. No I wouldn’t contribute and would hope others don’t either.

This!

You don’t know what financial measures they are planning to make. Maybe their house is for sale.

if it is hundreds of thousands of pounds, then maybe they can’t afford this, despite their apparent wealth. Regarding private school, this will probably only save them a few thousand pounds (depending on age of child) so maybe not a significant chunk of money overall if hundreds of thousands are needed. Maybe, if a subling is poorly, they feel it’s better to keep the other children where they are, for normality etc.

But nobody has to contribute.
There are many other beggars that I'd rather support.

You don’t have to donate, I can’t say I would begrudge a child medical treatment.

But you aren't the parents are refusing them medical treatment.

And half the time this medical treatment is untested and snake oil. Look at Derek Draper went to Mexico still didn't work.

Yes I’d imagine moving house and changing schools would add to the trauma of having an unwell sibling for any brothers and sisters and add stress to the child going through the medical procedure himself.

My ears were burning.

Can you post the link OP as I would like to donate 😂

I'd go begging for my child if it was a last resort. Who wouldn't. But this very much looks like it's not a last resort.

That said how can you know OP that they don't plan to sell all the things? Then that said, if they were they would be best to read the room and make that very public so they don't get a load of randos slagging them off on the internet.

Fun fact, snake oil was a real thing and actually worked. But white men appropriated it, did it totally wrong, sold it anyway and became “snake oil salesmen” which is where the expression comes from

If they are paying for a trial, does that mean they can't get it safely on the NHS? We had a friend who was convinced that she had chronic Lyme disease, even though she had been treated according to the NICE guidelines. The NHS "wouldn't pay" for her treatment that would be life-changing for her. People donated £25K then she went to America for this treatment and came back very quietly when it didn't work. In general, the NHS tries quife hard to use evidence based practice where it can, and many trials ARE covered, so I would suspect the veracity of this trial's claims.

Fair enough thanks for that.

But it doesn't deter the fact many people offering treatments are schools and the treatments don't mean much.

Go fund me is when you are in dire straits. Sell the summer house sell your own house first .

Agreed. It comes across vulgar.

This absolutely.

Problem is it takes time and effort to sell houses, move, downgrade cars etc.. etc..
Child may need treatment more urgently, not to mention the stress of moving whilst you are already stressed about your child.
If people don't want to donate, they don't have to.

Yeh, I’d say that the ‘family you know’ is massively taking the piss.

No it doesn’t impact your point at all
I just always think about it when someone mentions snake oil.

I suppose, regarding your point, it would entirely depend on the illness and the treatment. Successful treatments have to start somewhere, they need to do trials etc in order to be proven effective. I’m sure many medical interventions don’t work but no one knows until they try. Saying they’re “untested” doesn’t mean they’re no good, they just literally haven’t been fully tested yet.

Of course they're morally wrong to do this. However I'm sure they won't be the first to have set one up when they actually could fund it themselves. How does anyone know if any of the blurb on a GoFundMe page is true unless you know the people well. That's why I only give to people I know well who are doing a charity walk or something, I wouldn't give to a friend of a friend on Facebook for example.

I find it shocking they’re not doing everything they can to do it themselves!

Absolutely but with respect to what I mentioned before about Derek Draper, he was flown out to Mexico for this treatment, but as soon as he had heart attack he was flown back to UK by Kate Garraway. So the snake oil treatment is good enough but they can't treat a heart attack.

Yes there are experimental treatments but many are just bullshit placebos.

I think from a personal point of view I couldn't bring myself to make a donation to one sick child . I would rather make a donation to help as many sick children as possible . Maybe a particular unit in my local hospital , I see no reason why total strangers would help one sick child they didn't know .

Well it’s up to the people donating should they feel it’s acceptable or not. I wouldn’t have the cheek. Someone told me to do one once for a large vet bill (on top of my insurance) but there was no way I was going to when I was working (despite being single income family). I’d be ashamed to set one up when that wealthy but their choice (and choice of those giving). But no I wouldn’t give in those circumstances

I knew someone who was a retired couple, grown up children, very well off, own a large property and run a business that does well. When the wife got cancer her kids set up a go fund me and aggressively shared it. ‘She does so much for others now it’s time for us to help her’. I fell like yes she does a lot for her kids but not the wider community. And it seems like the ‘help’ that the kids were providing was in the form of aggressive sharing of the go fund me they set up. It wasn’t for special treatment or anything. Or lost wages cause she’s retired. Healthcare where I am is free. Very entitled I thought.

Think this is probably a topic for another thread, as this one is regarding funding the treatment not the validity of the treatment itself. As far as I’ve read we don’t know what the condition or the treatment are to comment on their value.

I’d imagine medical testing is extremely complex and there are many variables. I don’t think medical trials can be painted as bullshit based on one (very sad) anecdote, they are necessary after all - everything would remain untested if we didn’t test it- but I also don’t think one success story will mean success for everyone treated. Im sure there are some con men out there but there are probably many well meaning people developing genuine treatments, otherwise we wouldn’t have so many effective ones that we have today.