Tech moguls are protecting their kids from social media but not ours... Are many parents pushing back in the UK?

[Bridgetjoneski]

https://www.fastcompany.com/90900166/tech-social-media-protection-children

Following on from the Brianna Grey mums thread.. It's interesting to read that many of the top tech execs have been raising their kids social media free... The wealthier families we know have kids who are protected more from social media than others. These families can afford a lot of extracurriculars & days out/holidays etc so the kids are kept busy.. I do agree that we are really starting to see the horrendous effects of social media but will this be another example of where wealthier parents or more clued in parents are better able to protect their kids?
So many times we have been out for dinner & have been sat beside toddlers glued to Peppa Pig etc (at full volume) it's bloody ridiculous...

I've never understood why coloring is now seen as middle class given its cheap as chips

We are exactly the same. Our DC didn’t get phones till 14 and a half, they only have WhatsApp and Spotify. No Insta, no you tube, no TikTok.They swerved so much drama in years 7-9 through not having phones, and still manage to be very popular and social.

I'm an IT, data protection and privacy specialist, and I have experience of being overexposed as a child in print media (my mum was a journalist - I was recognised in public).

I've been toying with the idea of setting up as a consultant to work with families and maybe in schools a bit to do digital detoxes of settings, and to teach online privacy in an age appropriate way (I've also tutored and worked on IT curriculae).

We live in a very affluent area and our school has a bigger issue with well off kids causing trouble on devices as their parents are less present in their lives.

people are very defensive about technology overuse and want to cling to imaginary ‘benefits’ because it makes them feel less guilty

Yes, people are defensive and guilty. But claiming that the benefits of technology are imaginary is so ridiculous that it weakens your point. Of course there are benefits. There are also downsides amd outright dangers.

I've never understood why coloring is now seen as middle class given its cheap as chips

Class and money aren't the same thing. Middle class snobbery often takes the form of deriding the lower classes for prizing expensive, branded or high-tech things over wholesome, low-tech, second-hand, 'natural' or cultural things, or material stuff over activities and experiences.

We live in a very affluent area and our school has a bigger issue with well off kids causing trouble on devices as their parents are less present in their lives.

Exactly. I don't know where people have got the idea that rich kids don't use devices as much. It's obviously not generally true (except maybe the kids some of the actual top level tech giant bosses who know better than anyone what they've unleashed).

Ours are 4, 6 and 9. They have no access to phones or tablets. DH and I are not on our phones at home and they are turned off completely at 7pm. Only use ipad if DC are out or in bed. No games consoles.

Is it tech moguls job to protect your kids, my kids? NO. IT’s OUR JOB to protect our own kids.

We are very close with a few Silicon Valley professionals who don’t allow their children to have smart phones. Children as old as 17, by the way!

I remember feeling incredibly upset at this, that they would suggest schools adopt screens and yadayada, but their very own have no access to them.

honestly, the responsibility falls on the parents.

Because it wouldn't be invading my families personal space. We were out for a nice, peaceful family meal not to be entertained by a toddler watching Peppa Pig at full volume.
It's rude, entitled, selfish behaviour.

No idea, why people can't parent and blame others. Mine are SM free and drama free- it's really not hard.

Of course it's our job to protect our kids. I'm saying it's very telling that these silicon valley types kids are mostly screen free & we should be rightly saying if screens are not good enough for theirs they are certainly not good enough for ours.

Same as mine. My eldest has avoided so many dramas including one involving the principal as she simply isn't on social media. Still very normal & popular.

https://m.independent.ie/life/family/parenting/the-tech-moguls-who-invented-social-media-have-banned-their-children-from-it/37494367.html

It’s a bit naive to think parents can ‘protect’ their teens from social media.

Unless you live off grid somewhere and your teens have no contact with anyone with a smartphone, the reality is your teens are likely to have access to YouTube, TikTok, Insta etc whether or not they have the apps on their phone. Whether or not they have parental restrictions on their phone. Whether or not they have limited time on their phone. Whether or not parents have discussed the risks with them.

The tech moguls creating these apps have created a Pandora’s box but taken no responsibility for the outcome and impact.

It’s a bit like saying it’s parents responsibility to make sure their teens don’t vape - unless you stalk them and attend school with them you simply won’t know if they do. Its manufacturers and retailers responsibility to abide by laws that should limit the availability and marketing of vape to teens.

Simply dumping this all on parents doesn’t recognise that teens are not physically tied to their parents or that teens can be adept at hiding and lying. SM is here to stay and is a problem for the whole of society, not just teens. We should all be asking the government why they have sleep walked into this.

I agree with you - but you can put limitations in place
As a parent you can control what your kids see online in the home.
You can't control what they get up to when out with friends.
But as a parent you can set parameters in the home.
You can show an interest in what your child is doing online.
Use situations such as the brianna ghey case to sit down with your teens and discuss the downsides of the online world.
You mentioned vaping - vape pens cost money don't they so are you saying you don't keep an eye in what your teen is spending his money on ?
Most school age kids don't have jobs - so where do they get the money from if not from the household budget ?
Do you not check what they are spending the money you give on ?
I agree you can't control whether they access these things at school
But the school can - it is up to parents to challenge the school policies if kids are vaping and take it up with the school to introduce more robust phone use policies.

Secret phones,secret accounts

Can't escape it

Mine would be wearing headphones. Sticker books are not noiseless. Books are not noiseless, not if you are interacting with your child. , iPads etc are this generations book, colouring books etc

I know one family where one of them works in cyber security. Their children's access to the internet is very limited and strictly controlled. Much more than other parents of similarly aged children. And with everything else the parents are less strict than most parents. They say that most parents underestimate the negative impacts on their children. They are very big in getting their children to communicate face to face with friends rather than online.

Having lived in the US for a while, admittedly in an affluent area, there are many more parents there who are much more aware of the issues around social media, who have strict controls on their teens' phones, if they have a phone at all, and are very intentional about protecting their kids from things like snapchat, tick tok, instagram etc..

But in the UK I definitely feel like an outlier for not allowing my DS12 to be on Snapchat. And he knows he won't be allowed social media apps, even once he turns 13 / 14. But he tells me that all his friends are on snapchat.. so it really puts the pressure on. He's also not allowed his phone from around 6.30pm and definitely not in his bedroom over night. If more parents made more effort to protect their kids online and had more rules around phone usage, it would really be beneficial to ALL kids and there would be less pressure all round.

I think (hope!) one day that giving kids smart phones at 11/12 and allowing them to be on social media will become as shocking as sticking a cigarette in a child's hand. I imagine our kids, especially when they have their own kids, might well judge us for not doing more to protect them.

And they have every right to ban their kids. Social media was designed for adults not children. It's other parents job to monitor their own children. In the same way that alcohol is for adults, I make sure my kids don't drink it the same as I don't allow social media . Alcohol is still readily available for adults so social media should be aswell. We carnt ban everything because kids carnt have it. It's called parenting. Look it up.

I work in cyber, DD is 9 and desperately wants a phone because her friends are starting to get them.

She'll get one just before she starts secondary school because she'll be walking in and back by herself. It will be linked to my phone, it will have all websites set to deny unless explicitly whitelisted by me and authenticated with my fingerprint. It will be set so that payments and app downloads need my approval, her password will be a secondary on the device with mine as the primary so that I can always access it and she can't lock me out, it will remain downstairs at all times until I'm confident she can use it maturely and it will be set with screen times/internet access downtimes so that it can't be used to access the internet overnight or during school hours.

As time passes I will relax the restrictions but that timeline will be dependent on her maturity level and how her peers are communicating with each other via their devices.

But that's great if a child & parents are interacting with a child over an activity. Sticker books don't talk! How are you saying they are not noiseless!
Are you saying that family were entitled to inflict full volume Peppa Pig on the tables sat beside them? They did not interact with the toddler at all.

If kids shouldn't be on a screen when out for dinner with family, should they also not have small toys to play with or a colouring book and pencils?
Because that's what I was doing when out at a restaurant with family when I was younger!

If we go out for Sunday lunch with our children, we chat to them or play I spy until food comes, then once they finish their meal, they are allowed screen time while they wait for the rest of the table to finish.
They aren't bothering anyone, the volume is off so not blasting kids music through the restaurant so it's really nothing to do with anyone else!

I have American family, they are very strict on social media even with their kids in senior years as they don't want anything affecting their chances of acceptance into a good college or Ivy League scholarship & the kids completely understand.