Tech moguls are protecting their kids from social media but not ours... Are many parents pushing back in the UK?

[Bridgetjoneski]

https://www.fastcompany.com/90900166/tech-social-media-protection-children

Following on from the Brianna Grey mums thread.. It's interesting to read that many of the top tech execs have been raising their kids social media free... The wealthier families we know have kids who are protected more from social media than others. These families can afford a lot of extracurriculars & days out/holidays etc so the kids are kept busy.. I do agree that we are really starting to see the horrendous effects of social media but will this be another example of where wealthier parents or more clued in parents are better able to protect their kids?
So many times we have been out for dinner & have been sat beside toddlers glued to Peppa Pig etc (at full volume) it's bloody ridiculous...

I think it’s smug middle class posturing to be honest about colouring books in restaurants to look down their nose at families where the kids are on screens.

And it’s really nothing to do with the dangers of social media.

I let my kids on their devices in restaurants, always with headphones. They are polite, well mannered, sociable and lovely. I’m just not up my own arse about it and expect them to talk animatedly about politics or the price of houses. When they eat we chat and when they are waiting they are on the devices.

I’ve several friends who never let their kids on devices at restaurants. They do several activities with their kids, send them to great schools, expose them to a rich and varied life.

Many of them now have older teenagers who have eating disorders, high anxiety, off school, most of the girls have one label or another, whether it’s mental health or a diagnosis. They all started to have problems / want an identity when they used social media at age 13. Every last one of them.

We need to smarten up! See where the dangers really lie.

It's so true. We rely on our local library so much.

That's the difference, you use headphones. You are not inflicting your kids noise on the people sat next to you.

Follow on from my post before it's jumped on, obviously I know minecraft isn't the only game out there, but it's the one OP has used by example. OP you've conflated various "issues" and tried to lump them together. A toddler watching peppa is not the same as teens on social media. Gaming is not the same as teens on social media. These are all hot topics but not one in the same.

Personally, the old saying of "everything in moderation" rings true for me. It's not healthy to be stuck indoors on screens all day, but it is something that is prevalent in modern life, and unless you are part of a wider community that practices a complete ban, it's going to be relevant to your child, and it's better for them to start learning about positive relationships with technology earlier in life than it is to let them at it at whatever age with no real ingrained understanding of staying safe online.

That's probably part of how those wealthy folk in silicon Valley manage it, a lot of their kids attend Steiner and similar alternative education systems where none of them have access to technology. Though I've personally known quite a few steiner kids who got their first phones at 15 and suddenly became zombies accessing all kinds of horrific content so it's not all sunshine and rainbows 🤷‍♀️ equally, I've known some who've had the absolute opposite and had free access to all kinds of media from a young age, even pre-social media, and they're well adjusted adults (and some are not!) 🤷‍♀️

Balance and helping your child learn healthy limits is more important, and I'd go as far to say joining your child in their interests, regardless of what they are, so that you actually have an understanding of them. When I was a child/young teen I was reading loads of inappropriate for my age books, but my mum liked to brag about my reading and how I wasn't watching horror films or playing video games all of the time, had she read some of those books herself she would have been horrified at what she was allowing me to buy and borrow from the library!

So are you complaining about tablets at dinner, social media or gaming? Because they're all different things with some crossovers in places.

Tech in general, I'd probably argue that there is a need for exposure to these as many, many jobs now require basic tech understanding and, let's face it, it's becoming more and more important.

DS is 7 and he wants to be a game designer and coder. Can't really do that without a computer or tablet.

Totally agree with AllProperTeaIsTheft

OP, what do you think we all did before tech came along? We didn’t have actuaries available to us, they didn’t exist.

My DC are late teens and don’t use social media as it doesn’t interest them. They’d rather go out and meet their friends

• extra activities

That's the difference, you use headphones. You are not inflicting your kids noise on the people sat next to you.

So now you don't mind the screen use as long as you don't hear it? I'm confused.

CatamaranViper

yes good post.

Okay, and what about those communities without a library? Or other public spaces?

Peppa pig isn’t social media.

Peppa pig on a tablet is far closer to TV than to social media. Judge away, but you’re diminishing your argument by throwing in that kind of comment.

So give them books/colouring stuff/games to play quietly rather than playing peppa pig in a shared space? If nothing else, it’s being an inconsiderate clown to everyone else around you! (But that’s a separate issue).

Well yes it can be, but it's not inconsiderate if they use headphones. I never used screens with mine in that situation and often used colouring books. There's little doubt Peppa Pig would keep them quieter (with headphones)! But expecting a child to be silent all meal is unreasonable anyway. I just think that there is often a large element of snobbery (both intellectual and the regular kind) and superiority, masquerading as concern about screens, in the perennial 'Peppa Pig at the restaurant is bad, colouring books are good' debate. Also a heavy dollop of luck in how easy your children are.

Also, cutting off the latter half of my post (where I talked about balance) to further your argument is bad form.

Yes, you're right. Apologies, I forgot about that bit.

They do but they aren't the only option. Playing frisbee coasts the price of a frisbee and it can be used loads of times, good for all ages.

We used to make mud slides in the stream, dam up the stream, build dens in the woods, climb trees and balance along fallen trees, go on scavenger hunts for feathers, pebbles etc. We'd go for walks and get them to forget the walks were 'boring' by asking stuff like: 'What is your dream house?' or 'How would you spend a million pounds?'

Inside we'd read books, do drawing, painting and junk modelling, do 'science' experiments like making a volcano out of cardboard then making it erupt with baking soda and vinegar, turn big boxes into rockets, trains etc, play hide and seek or sardines, play charades, bake cookies, make pizzas or popcorn.

All of these are free or almost free, but I admit they are time and energy comsuming. An exhausted parent, working full time, is unlikely to have the drive to do this week in week out.

We’re a low tech family, I was a low tech child, I’m 36, I got my first mobile phone at 20, my first computer at 22-23.

Our son (8) doesn’t own a phone, he also doesn’t have access to any computer games where you can chat to other players etc. Neither he or our 2 year old have a tablet. He does have a kindle, but as I’m tight arse its a really old one that has no functions beyond reading books.

If we go out to eat no tech is used (that includes the adults), lots of places have things children can colour in, but we usually take something simple with us to give them something to do. We don’t really use social media/use tech a lot in front of them, so its fairly unusual for them to see us on the phone on our phones.

When I was a child portable tech was game boys, I had one, all my friends did, but I don’t remember ever seeing a child playing one in a cafe etc.

As far as social media, for us we won’t allow before 13 as thats the advised age for most platforms, but then it will be monitored and time per app will be set.

We no longer live in the UK, where we live is much more child centred, you just don’t see tablet/phone families in cafes etc.

They do but they aren't the only option. Playing frisbee coasts the price of a frisbee and it can be used loads of times, good for all ages.

Playing with a frisbee requires a safe space to play with it in.

One of the biggest problems parents face now is a lack of safe play spaces. We live in a “nice” place and the park still has occasions of having smashed glass around and in particular, since lockdown, has an issue of rubbish dog owners with poorly trained dogs.

I think that your argument has been diluted somewhat with your updates.
Minecraft is very wholesome and educational depending on how you play. If you wanted a “not wholesome” example then you’re after something like Fortnite where strangers can (and do) talk to kids and many happily volunteer their ages and names of their school.
Tech moguls know how addictive SM is but there will also be an element of wanting to protect their kids from trolls who would delight in harrassing, sending viruses or hacking their children because of who their parents are.

Why should my family be subjected to Peppa Pig on full volume because their parents choose not to engage with them? That level of entitlement is off the scales... Sticker books are noiseless.

You have listed the costs of the activities but buying the tech costs far more in the long term.
Taking children out to activities isn't just a financial cost
There is a cost in time, effort and organisation.
Activities such as taking your kids to the park with a Frisbee might not cost much financially but they cost a lot in terms of effort and time.
A lot of parents can't put in this effort or they don't want to.
For lots of different reasons.
For some parents of older kids - the parents needs come first in terms of new relationships- fighting with exes - arguing over who does the housework because
They are both working. Haven't got the time to watch what kid is up to on social media - they are quiet and one less thing to worry about up in their bedrooms on their phone.

If pushing kids to creative pursuits over just dumping them on a phone/tablet is snobby, then so be it. I’m a snob. I’m ok with that.

Play/reading/art can all be interactive and fun - and as a parent you can SEE what your child is doing. There’s no algorithm. It’s just what you give your kids. You have control. It’s infinitely harder with technology to do that due to the way some apps are designed for endless scrolling. YouTube is the same with the auto play. I’m not anti-tech at all (although I am a bit shit and uninterested in most of it - my husband is a web developer - it literally pays the mortgage!). The internet is great for a lot of stuff (you can literally learn to do anything online which I love!) but like everything, there’s a time and place to turn it off and spend time without it. May I suggest you start with the dinner table?

DS is 7 and he wants to be a game designer and coder. Can't really do that without a computer or tablet.

He’s 7. He’s highly likely to change his mind. I wouldn’t buy DD a horse at that age if she said she wanted to be a jockey.

My whole point about the screen was the toddler next to us in a restaurant recently with Peppa Pig full blast on its parents phone. They didn't bat an eye lid. It wouldn't have bothered us had he had headphones.

I guess my point is technology has made people selfish & entitled. It was very rude of this family not to consider all the other paying customers but as long as their kid is entertained that is all that matters.

Clearly living in a nice area. The first place we lived with our eldest, you couldn't ever use the park as it had needles and glass all over it, half the equipment was broken and the green spaces were covered in dog muck. Even the local country parks. We had to stop going to green spaces when my then toddler would come home with dog poo on her shoes every single time we made the trip out. Volunteers would come and make it clean and safe and within days it'd be unusable again. It was next to an infant school as well. Council didn't care. We moved to an area with issues like that less often but we still have to check before letting them lose. It's a privilege to live with safe outdoor spaces, one that is easy to forget if you don't have to manage not living by one. We had to travel a good twenty minutes by car to get to a safe park or green space when we lived there.

So it would have been fine with headphones? So where is the link to social media?

And YANBU at all OP, but people are very defensive about technology overuse and want to cling to imaginary ‘benefits’ because it makes them feel less guilty