Tech moguls are protecting their kids from social media but not ours... Are many parents pushing back in the UK?

[Bridgetjoneski]

https://www.fastcompany.com/90900166/tech-social-media-protection-children

Following on from the Brianna Grey mums thread.. It's interesting to read that many of the top tech execs have been raising their kids social media free... The wealthier families we know have kids who are protected more from social media than others. These families can afford a lot of extracurriculars & days out/holidays etc so the kids are kept busy.. I do agree that we are really starting to see the horrendous effects of social media but will this be another example of where wealthier parents or more clued in parents are better able to protect their kids?
So many times we have been out for dinner & have been sat beside toddlers glued to Peppa Pig etc (at full volume) it's bloody ridiculous...

Watching tv/tablet is a completely different topic. And it’s the only way the parents can take them out.

I can’t take my autistic child out to eat due to the stress he feels, only sometimes can we do it if he’s got a tablet. Trust me, most parents would prefer to engage with their kids if they could.

I think gaming and using apps at dinner are complete red herrings. I let my kids use their iPads at dinner when we are out whilst not eating. They are bored and adult talk is boring. It’s really not the problem here to be honest. My kids are very articulate and highly social, letting them use their devices when out has not hindered their sense of social awareness or our bond.

But my oldest has had all sorts of stuff using Snapchat, has become way too body conscious using instagram, been approached by random strangers using odd internet sites that his mates said were fun etc etc. I kept an eye on these, good communication and we kind of navigated through them. But these social media sites are toxic.

Why should they have to? If this works for them that's all that matters.

I think one of the biggest problems is that so many parents don't realise how apps work. They know that "everyone" is using them, but don't realise the ones where randoms can speak to their children or the level of content they are accessing.

I also think there's a large number of parents who don't realise how late at night their children are on their phones! I think a lot loosened the rules during lockdowns, understandably in many ways as we were all under pressure, but it has had an ongoing impact.

I'm skint and my teenager doesn't have access to most social media.

He has a smart phone, with WhatsApp. No TikTok, no insta, no Snapchat, no FB, no youtube. I can see what apps he downloads and have to approve them. I can also see how long he spends on what apps.

He is allowed to watch all his special interest YouTube videos on the TV in the living room. Often I'll sit down and knit with him and watch stuff he is interested in. So he isn't deprived of everything YouTube has to offer, he's just not allowed to sit on his own and watch whatever shite the algorithms throw at him!

We go out a lot. Dog walks, museums, the odd theatre trip, castles, nice gardens, that sort of thing. Free stuff mostly but obviously some of it does have a cost attached. The shit they want when they've seen it on YouTube ain't free either though! Stanley cups and wanky trainers etc... I'd rather spend the money we do have on things that actually enrich his life!

Because actually the whole experience of going out to eat is a nice one. On the whole when I see families with tablets the kids are watching them after eating while waiting for parents to finish a relaxing drink, coffee, chat etc. Or waiting an age for food to.come out. They don't take over the whole meal.

Yes, I agree. You have to put the effort in. Ours knew that restaurants were where top trumps came out - but not when the food arrived. When younger, they had sticker books or just normal books! We only had meals in front of the TV on Saturday tea time for pizza night. No TV allowed in the morning. Ours went to nursery so we didn’t have GPs childminding and doing things their way so that was easier.

You need to start as you mean to go on. Take books and card games etc with you. Don’t take a tablet and keep your phone out of sight.

Really it boils down to this imo:

The internet and social media are not going away. Whatever restrictions the government might be willing to impose will never go far enough to make parental vigilance unnecessary.

So parents should, to the best of their abilities, impose age-appropriate screen time limits, prevent underage social media use and delay giving children smartphones until necessary or at least genuinely useful.

Schools do, and parents should, continue to educate themselves and children about the downsides of technology and social media.

The only barrier to this is not financial, it is a lack of parental awareness, knowledge, ability or effort.

And yes, one of you has to play top trumps with them or help them with the sticker book or read a story.

To the person asking my dc are 12 & 10, get a movie at the weekends, only allowed screens for homework with dh & I in the room. This is our family decision & I don't give a rats arse what anyone thinks. Friends of theirs parents are now trying to cut right on the screen time their dc have.. However there seems to be no going back now & it has led to horrific arguements & one child attending counselling for screen addiction.. Once you give something it is very hard to take back.

The OP is right- deprived towns with one run down park it’s inevitable parents are more likely to turn to screens.
Of course kids find joy in imagination and their own toys etc- but you throw a few weeks at half term with crap weather into the mix what are parents to do.
costs:
For my 2 children:
local petting farm- food for animals and entry, £30
the bigger farm with activists £60 family ticket
theatre trip for 3 of us £60
trampolining 1hr £15 pp
soft play c.£15-£20 per hour depending on which we go to
swimming c.£15 for 3 of us
activities cost money

all these activists fill 1hour in a day!

Many families in deprived areas won't own any screens to begin with, though.

So it's not a case of "screens or farm park" it's "sit at home or play in the park".

Activities es don't have to cost money. When my kids where younger they went to the park, nearby steam, played with friends on bikes, invited friends over, went to friends houses, played board games, water fights. The list is endless. No it doesn't cost

YouTube is packed with Gen Z (I think) making videos about how millennials are messing up their gen alpha kids with YouTube. Search “gen alpha is doomed” for an endless scroll.

@YetMoreNewBeginnings - fair enough. People may think it's extreme and it may well not be for everyone.

But I think it's no different that ensuring DC aren't watching inappropriate films or reading inappropriate magazines back in the day.

I also believe that being 100% open with DC about what monitors and measures are in place so they don't feel they are spied on.

The OP is right- deprived towns with one run down park it’s inevitable parents are more likely to turn to screens.

I think the OP's mistake is in thinking that rich kids don't turn to screens, not that poorer ones do. Not all rich kids are heavily scheduled, especially those whose parents work long hours. And even those who do lots of other stuff almost certainly get loads of screen time too. They aren't going to exclude themselves from online social interaction just because mummy and daddy can pay for them to play 3 instruments and go horse-riding. You can't honestly think that they are so busy that they don't have time to share photos of all their swanky holidays and cool activities etc on social media?

I don't think it makes a difference whether you are wealthy or not.
Yes wealthy parents can afford a wider range of activities other than tech
But they are also more likely to be able to afford a wider range of tech for their kids.
A family on less income may not be able to afford lots of activities but they are more likely to share tech in the home.
One playstation for the family a family laptop / computer
I remember a story during the pandemic about people donating tablets and laptops to poorer families so that children had one each to access school lesson s online during the lockdowns,
Local to me I heard a story about a single mum with 4 school aged kids who was trying to access lessons with one smartphone that was hers ! So she had some old tablets donated to her.
Surely these children are potentially less exposed to social media at a young age than a wealthy family who can afford for their children to have a phone each and laptops that don't have to be shared.
Poorer families also don't have unlimited WiFi packages sometimes.
A better off family will have an unlimited package which can contect lots of devices.

Is it not more that if you shove a tablet at a 2 year old during dinner they grow up in a culture where communication and family time are not prioritised and staring into devices is the norm, so that when that child is slightly older there’s nothing weird about spending way too much time on SM?

I spend a lot of time on the internet so I’m not a Luddite! I just think any access to the internet needs to be balanced with a love of books/creativity/nature/things that don’t involve a screen. Obviously the kid in the restaurant on a tablet is a small snapshot of a day - maybe they do balance it out. But I’m willing to bet a lot of parents opt for the path of least resistance.

Because it's very anti social to start with... That's my opinion. Also as a family & especially with the cost of living crisis a meal out is a complete treat to us & we love family time & chats. It's a real bug bear to us that a selfish family next to us thinks it's ok to have Peppa Pig on full blast... Putting their needs above everyone elses... Either engage with your kid or buy them some head phones.

This alone tells me you actually know sod all about social media and gaming tbh. Have you seen how creative kids can get within games like minecraft? Or the teamwork that goes into games with friends? There is a huge value in gaming for children and young people, obviously not to the detriment of outside time and screen free time/activities, but it has value even if you don't understand it yourself. Dismissing that entirely is narrow minded.

Also, kids having access to "chat rooms" on minecraft isn't possible if you actually do your job as a parent and help them access it safely (because it is impossible if you actually ensure your kids accounts are locked down and they can't access the wider servers, but heyho, just dismiss the entire concept because you haven't taken five minutes to use Google and find out how to do that).

How is it antisocial? It's no more antisocial than giving your child a book, or a sticker book, or getting them to go into the soft play.

Is it not more that if you shove a tablet at a 2 year old during dinner they grow up in a culture where communication and family time are not prioritised and staring into devices is the norm, so that when that child is slightly older there’s nothing weird about spending way too much time on SM?

Maybe. Not necessarily. Like I say, I'm not a fan, but giving your small child something to entertain them while you get some rare adult conversation time during a meal out does not necessarily mean your child doesn't get plenty of family conversation at home every day. Or while they are out withyou and friends/extended family doing things that are more engaging for them than just listening to adults chat.

So give them books/colouring stuff/games to play quietly rather than playing peppa pig in a shared space? If nothing else, it’s being an inconsiderate clown to everyone else around you! (But that’s a separate issue).

Also, cutting off the latter half of my post (where I talked about balance) to further your argument is bad form.

Yabu to try to turn it into a wealth issue.

If you don’t want it for your kids, you can say no. You are not less able to do this because you aren’t as rich as people you know

It's very frustrating to see some of the responses on that other thread
'My child will be socially isolated without a phone' er, better that than groomed or dead, surely.
'Kids get around these things all the time'
So, what - you don't even try?
'They'll see if from their friends anyway'
They aren't with their friends 24 hours a day, presumably.
'Well my child just naturally learnt to limit themselves, I think limits make kids want it more'
Okay, but a lot of the apps are signed to be addictive - great that your kid could cope with it, but others can't, and it's a child!! Much like you wouldn't leave out a massive bowl of chocolate out around a 4 year old, because they might eat too much and make themselves sick, you need to moderate for them until their brains are a bit better developed!

It CAN be hard, but that doesn't remove the responsibility from every parent to try.
There is a midway point between 'no tech at all' and '24/7 access to every app and website on earth'