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AIBU?

Custody battle .. what can I expect ?

107 replies

Julias21 · 04/02/2024 13:09

Hi everyone , just again want to thank everyone who gave me advice on my last thread about my child’s father .
follow up from that thread , I sent him an email of the days I was letting him see dd, and my reasons why I reduced overnights. I then get a text from his mother saying she is contacting a solicitor for “the way you’re treating my son!” And his response to my email was “solicitors will be in touch with you then” . They also said they aren’t going to see dd anymore “until this is sorted”. So they’re the ones stopping contact not me . I offered every other weekend to sleepover and anytime during week he can come see her . So what would he be getting a solicitor for ? He is the one that was smoking cannabis around my dd with his friend when dd was in his care , and is high when she’s in his care (he lives with his mum so I feel this is why she takes over care half the time acting like my dd mother 🫠) I was told they can use my mental health against me cause it’s the only thing they have on me even though it was years ago I had some mental health issues and currently in therapy for my anxiety . Can they use this against me in court?? I genuinely don’t know why they want to take it to court . I’m seeing a solicitor myself on Wednesday and plan to ask everything but until then I’m just wondering if anyone who’s been through similar would have an idea as this would be my first time in court . Dd father had a rape allegation too so not his first time in court 🫣 thanks in advance , she’s 3 months old btw.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

95 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
8%
You are NOT being unreasonable
92%
Julias21 · 04/02/2024 17:01

Hiii, bumping just incase :)

OP posts:
Ttc125 · 04/02/2024 17:02

Hi , don’t know much about this but bumping for you :)

ConnieC2001 · 04/02/2024 17:03

also will bump. Your ex sounds like an a* OP. you’ve done the right thing

Luckydog7 · 04/02/2024 17:09

Well done op. You've been brave and done the right thing. Ensure you keep those messages, I can't see that the court will think we'll of them refusing reasonable visitation out of spite.

If you have any evidence of the weed (messages etc) then keep that too. Also of any parental alienation by his mother if she is trying to take over from you. I would make a time line of events to date and going forward so you can be concise in and court hearings and come across as the reasonable and rational one.

AInightingale · 04/02/2024 17:10

I am not surprised you have anxiety and MH issues when dealing with a complete arse like that. It would be more surprising if you didn't. Your solicitor will make that clear in court. Being sole resident parent to a newborn is hard enough without having to deal with a drug abusing, unreasonable ex.

Is he pushing for more overnight access to reduce his maintenance payments? (think it's 1/7 for every night spent with non resident parent)

No young baby should be exposed to cannabis smoke, that's good enough grounds for refusing any access at all. Don't be afraid to tell your solicitor the truth about him - that he's an unfit father due to his drug use and that his mum has to take over. No court is going to order a tiny child to spend time in a house like that, surely.

ParrotCatDog · 04/02/2024 17:24

Keep the messages. Call his bluff. He wont be arsed

Allofaflutter · 04/02/2024 17:28

IMO men always say this. Then they see the costs of solicitors. Easily 10k they don’t seem so keen. As they have stopped contact, message back and ask for no contact except from their solicitor. And enjoy the peace.

Allofaflutter · 04/02/2024 17:29

Keep everything. Take screenshots and keep them. I wouldn’t bother going to a solicitor unless you get court paperwork.

Allofaflutter · 04/02/2024 17:31

the abuser play list usually goes. You are mentally ill, you are crazy, I’m taking the baby away from you, so you will never see baby again, or The court will think you are crazy too. You are a bad mum etc etc etc.

Julias21 · 04/02/2024 17:31

AInightingale · 04/02/2024 17:10

I am not surprised you have anxiety and MH issues when dealing with a complete arse like that. It would be more surprising if you didn't. Your solicitor will make that clear in court. Being sole resident parent to a newborn is hard enough without having to deal with a drug abusing, unreasonable ex.

Is he pushing for more overnight access to reduce his maintenance payments? (think it's 1/7 for every night spent with non resident parent)

No young baby should be exposed to cannabis smoke, that's good enough grounds for refusing any access at all. Don't be afraid to tell your solicitor the truth about him - that he's an unfit father due to his drug use and that his mum has to take over. No court is going to order a tiny child to spend time in a house like that, surely.

He wants 50/50 so he doesn’t have to pay anything . His mum buys everything 🫣

OP posts:
mumda · 04/02/2024 17:32

Keep screengrabs somewhere remotely and make sure you can access them in the future.

Accept they're stopping contact and carry on being a great mum.

MarieG10 · 04/02/2024 17:32

The court will, to be impressed with him applying for enhanced contact but voluntarily cutting off contact until,it is heard.

Julias21 · 04/02/2024 17:33

Allofaflutter · 04/02/2024 17:31

the abuser play list usually goes. You are mentally ill, you are crazy, I’m taking the baby away from you, so you will never see baby again, or The court will think you are crazy too. You are a bad mum etc etc etc.

Wait court will think I’m crazy or him lol?

OP posts:
Julias21 · 04/02/2024 17:34

MarieG10 · 04/02/2024 17:32

The court will, to be impressed with him applying for enhanced contact but voluntarily cutting off contact until,it is heard.

This is what I thought too. Makes no sense ?!

OP posts:
Julias21 · 04/02/2024 17:34

Allofaflutter · 04/02/2024 17:28

IMO men always say this. Then they see the costs of solicitors. Easily 10k they don’t seem so keen. As they have stopped contact, message back and ask for no contact except from their solicitor. And enjoy the peace.

Edited

He lost his job apparently although he probably quit so he should qualify for legal aid

OP posts:
LorlieS · 04/02/2024 17:35

My narcissistic/abusive ex was awarded 50/50 and more recently, majority custody.
He held the advantage simply by being male; the whole court system is biased.

Allofaflutter · 04/02/2024 17:37

The court has seen this all before. No the court won’t think you are crazy. The men always say that. Loads want 50/50 for money reasons. Keep the messages that say that. Don’t let him have the baby now without a court order.

Allofaflutter · 04/02/2024 17:37

There is no legal aid without dv.

Julias21 · 04/02/2024 17:39

LorlieS · 04/02/2024 17:35

My narcissistic/abusive ex was awarded 50/50 and more recently, majority custody.
He held the advantage simply by being male; the whole court system is biased.

Really ? This worries me .

OP posts:
Julias21 · 04/02/2024 17:39

Allofaflutter · 04/02/2024 17:37

There is no legal aid without dv.

dv ?

OP posts:
Julias21 · 04/02/2024 17:40

Surely the court would see it as weird that he’s wanting 50/50 but refusing contact now ?

OP posts:
Allofaflutter · 04/02/2024 17:40

Domestic violence. It needs to be evidenced too. Cant just say it. Needs proof and even then it’s not easy to get. He will have to pay. Babies very very rarely are put on 50/50.

Ponoka7 · 04/02/2024 17:42

He doesn't stand a chance. However the Court isn't interested in tit-for-tat. He's either a fit carer or isn't. If you know that he smokes cannabis around her, yet still send her, then you are failing to safeguard her. You might have to accept that his Mother is going to be supervising his contact.

Allofaflutter · 04/02/2024 17:42

I personally would tell him you don’t think he is fit and you are safeguarding her by not sending her.

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