Custody battle .. what can I expect ?

[Julias21]

Hi everyone , just again want to thank everyone who gave me advice on my last thread about my child’s father .
follow up from that thread , I sent him an email of the days I was letting him see dd, and my reasons why I reduced overnights. I then get a text from his mother saying she is contacting a solicitor for “the way you’re treating my son!” And his response to my email was “solicitors will be in touch with you then” . They also said they aren’t going to see dd anymore “until this is sorted”. So they’re the ones stopping contact not me . I offered every other weekend to sleepover and anytime during week he can come see her . So what would he be getting a solicitor for ? He is the one that was smoking cannabis around my dd with his friend when dd was in his care , and is high when she’s in his care (he lives with his mum so I feel this is why she takes over care half the time acting like my dd mother 🫠) I was told they can use my mental health against me cause it’s the only thing they have on me even though it was years ago I had some mental health issues and currently in therapy for my anxiety . Can they use this against me in court?? I genuinely don’t know why they want to take it to court . I’m seeing a solicitor myself on Wednesday and plan to ask everything but until then I’m just wondering if anyone who’s been through similar would have an idea as this would be my first time in court . Dd father had a rape allegation too so not his first time in court 🫣 thanks in advance , she’s 3 months old btw.

50k🙈 my goodness !!
hes going to be spending all that money and get what I’ve already offered him . 🫠
so if someone hasn’t got a job and can’t afford it they won’t qualify ? How do they expect people to pay when they don’t have a job or get enough money from their job etc ?

You can do family court without lawyers. It’s not needed.

so you can go to court without getting a solicitor ?
im wondering why they are getting one then

Sorry if I sound silly , I’ve never had to do this 😆

Well done for standing your ground. Your baby is too young for the level of contact they were pushing you into. Let them take you to court. More fool them if they don’t want contact until then. You are being very reasonable. Speak to womens aid if you need support. You are doing the right thing and SS agreed that contact should be stopped due to his drug taking. For him to have been in court previously doesn’t sound like he is a safe person to be around at all.

https://www.cafcass.gov.uk/parent-carer-or-family-member/my-family-involved-private-law-proceedings/court-process-and-what-expect#:~:text=A%20Family%20Court%20Adviser%20(FCA,is%20safe%20for%20the%20child.

https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/hearings-in-the-family-court/

These links may help

Not only is it generous but it's proof you feel he's a fit parent. You can't say cannabis is ok sometimes. It either is or it isn't. If you have a reason then you stick by it otherwise your "reason" won't stand up. Good point is neither will his. He can't claim you're an unfit mother if he has willingly turned down contact you have offered him and instead chosen to leave the child in your care, whilst claiming you're unfit.

I would not be offering overnight at such a young age especially when you add on top, concerns for her care, drug use and a seemingly volatile relationship between you and your exes family.

Keep everything, screenshots etc. be reasonable in the sense of facilitating their relationship where you can based on what is right for your DD

I'm sorry you are going through this. Hopefully he is bluffing

Hi, I’m not against cannabis use at all as some people benefit from it I believe. I don’t agree anyone should be high or smoke around babies and infants .
I was made to believe he wasn’t smoking around her and wasn’t high when he had dd but after being told he took her to his friends house for a smoke , I put 2 and 2 together and realised he’s definitely smoking around her / high when looking after her that’s why his mum probably takes over . Surely now I’ve reduced the contact to give him benefit of the doubt that shouldn’t go against me ?

@Julias21 I mean specifically around the baby/children. It's not that it will go against you. It's more that it would be disregarded. It goes both ways. For example If you said the dad has a dangerous dog so I'm not allowing contact at his house except for Tuesday nights...your concerns about the dog would be largely factored out as you're allowing the child to be around it.

Unless he's been domestically violent to you in the past 6 months which you have evidence for then you won't qualify for legal aid but neither will he. Anyone can apply to court for contact with their child and it costs around £300 though you can get the fee waived if you're on certain benefits. You can represent yourself. If it comes to that ask for advice on here on how to go about it.
the last point is that he will have to set up a mediation appointment for you both before he can apply to court.
It really won't reflect well on him that he stopped contact voluntarily.

Oh okay I understand now . I reduced it in hopes that he’d have more time for his smoke so the short time he’s not got dd he wouldn’t have to smoke. Although in saying that I knew she was also in his mothers care half the time so she was in good hands . But it’s only recently came to light he was high around her so I’m glad he’s stopped contact himself

Sorry that was meant to say the short time he does have dd

@Julias21 leave him to it and let him approach the courts trying to claim you're an unfit mother whilst at the same time choosing to voluntarily leave the children in your care despite being offered contact. Keep it simple. You probably won't be asked to justify why you wanted reduced contact. The starting point can be you offered contact and he refused it on the grounds you're an unfit mother. Ludicrous huh?

Saying it out loud or just doesn’t make sense 🙈 thank you for your advice

@Julias21 you have a baby who needs consistency of caregiver. You have every right not to send the baby back if he turns around after a few weeks (and he will) and says ok then I'll see the baby. The answer can be no. You already tried to facilitate contact but it broke down due to his refusal. Then leave him to it.

Yeah I fully intend to refuse it now if he decides to ask again once he realises it’ll take time and money ! My daughter doesn’t deserve her dad picking and choosing when he wants to see her

You can also rightfully claim that his insistence on 50/50 made you concerned that the baby would not be returned to the primary caregiver (you) and seek free legal advice, half an hour or so, on getting a prohibitive steps order put in place because of your fears, until contact is mandated.

Keep the messages.
. honestly you nothing to worry about...they see thought you ex ..

Honestly please stop with the free half an hour...it doesn't happen...

I’m not expecting anything free so I’m not paying attention to it . I was told I’d qualify for legal aid by a social worker but if not I will pay what it takes to get a good one (if absolutely necessary) even if it means il struggle . I have a savings account for dd so I know she’s always going to be taken care of anyway

@Londonrach1 initial consultations usually offer 15 or 30 mins free.

Yeah I just looked on the website of the solicitors I’m seeing and they said first half hour is free

If his response is to throw toys out of the pram and stop contact that's great - it'll drag on for ages and then you can show that by choice he hasn't seen his kids for months. Make sure you message him every week offering contact so you have a paper trail.

Hi OP, have a read of this website, might help you get clarity before your appointment at the solicitors. https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/