To wholeheartedly agree with Brianna Ghey’s mother

[Moonpig82]

I spotted this article this morning. We personally do not allow Tik Tok, Insta, Facebook, Snapchat. For our eldest who has just got a phone when starting Year 7. However we have succumbed to whatsapp.

What are people’s thoughts? How can we ‘police’ our children’s phones?

Or AIBU and there is no policing for social media? I know my Year 7 child’s friends do have these apps. Not all of them though.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-68193103

It won't be sufficient to have parents police it.

As the genie is out of the bottle, the GOV needs to ban mobile phones in schools, and for those under 16 years of age. Full stop.

And don't give me this bull the parents needs to be able to keep in contact with the child and vice versa.

I've got teenagers. My eldest is 18.
None of them can have Tiktok, Instagram or Facebook before 16. No YouTube before 13, before that YouTube kids.
But the main thing has been not to encourage a dependency on phones. Phones usually sit in their bags all weekend, unless they are going somewhere without me or DH.
They are kept busy with activities and other interests. My youngest is 11 and said she doesn't want to go one particular friends house anymore, because her friend has turned into a 'phone zombie' and spends too much time just looking at her phone.
It's sad when kids come round and are looking at their phones from the minute they wall through the door. Mine want to actually do stuff, like play board games, do arty stuff together or even play Mario or Just Dance on the switch together. Anything that is stimulating and fun that they can do together.
Smart phones are a useful tool for teens. My kids camera rolls are full of interesting things that they've seen or stop motion videos they've made. They are great for finding out information. My kids have apps that name the planets or identify bird song. They find projects they want to do on Pintrest. They've got trackers. They listen to podcasts, books and music on them.
There are so many uses for them. It would be a shame to take this away from teens who are using them responsibly.
Honestly, what needs to happen is for people parent their children properly. Dont leave their upbringing to schools and their peers. Don't let them have these apps. Teach them from the day they get their phone what a scary place the Internet is. Show them that they can come to you over anything that makes them uncomfortable. Your relationship with them, will influence the decisions they make whilst online.
Most importantly, don't have them sitting in their rooms with their devices for hours. It might feel easier in the short term, but long term, it's going to bring heartache.

Parents will never agree.

And it would be impossible to police.

Also you’re ignoring that phones are now assistive tech.

Unfortunately, judging by the number of pre-schoolers / primary kids I see shoved in buggies out and about / in chairs on football sidelines who've been given a phone / tablet so parents don't have to parent.... too many parents just don't care or minimise the risks as long as they're getting an easy life.

Teacher here and there are students who are chronically online
Parents need to police it better. I also hate the 'Genie is out of the bottle, we are where we are' rhetoric that this govt have drip fed to us.

We can and should make things better for people. The will is not there due to the money trail.
Parents HAVE to be annoyingly on top of it. It's a full time job. The kids whose parents control their phone use significantly are always the calmer and happier ones
At school now, for many things we have a phone box to collect them all in - kids remember more and engage more

I think it's quite telling people in the tech industry and cyber security won't allow their children access to social media. Listen to that.

Fionaville

I did all that with my teens from the start and phones have still had a catastrophic impact on them.

Please be aware not all kids are the same. I think ND kids struggle with this the most.

Agree parents need to model it. You can’t preach no phone to a sobbing 14 year old then…pick up your own phone.

Lots of children in Years 3 and 4 having phones niw . It’s awful. It starts at home, no child needs a phone in primary school, in my opinion.

I do find it a bit weird how Brianna’s mum is looking to ban access to the internet for kids when her daughter had such a large social media following.
She’s a much bigger woman for than me for reaching out to Scarlett’s mum too. I don’t think I could ever forgive. Some of the blame lays at Scarlett parents door.

My children didn’t have phones until secondary school, they were collected in each evening with the WiFi off. They were avid readers and encouraged to enjoy the outdoors etc.

Phones have still had a catastrophic impact.

Theres veyr little discussion about the families of both of these killers and yet one of the fathers is a sex offender I thought I read?

@soupfiend That is correct, Eddies dad is on remand for having access to child sex images.
There were alarm bells with Scarlett too.

I’m absolutely behind this 100% and hope this gains momentum. Mother of a 10 yr old DS. There’s so much damage to under 16s behind so many closed doors already. It needs urgent restriction. Kids can’t self-regulate themselves. Parents can’t fully regulate smart phone use unless they are sitting with their kids every moment of use - restricted phones for under 16s need to be a thing!

I watched her on Kuenssberg. There was a comment made that if we’d gone from brick phones to the current situation, then there would be outcry, but it’s been such a slow trickle from FB on your PC to all manner of Apps, age restrictions have somehow not been put in place.
The problem is, if you’re the one without, then you’re the ‘odd’ one, there needs to be some sort of backlash where brick phones are normalised until an appropriate age.
No point saying ‘in my day’ - yes when I was a teen there was the house phone with your parent getting pissed off with you hogging it all night - but everyone had that method of committing so it was ‘the norm’. Now smartphones are the norm.

How would you do it? And what about those using them as assistive tech?

Of course buses and trains have apps. National Rail Enquires.

I think the whole Internet needs regulation, rather than trying to restrict what technology children have access too.

People on MN go mental at the mention of the word "phone" but are content for kids to have tablets, ipads, ipods, laptops, xboxes and PlayStations. All of which can access the Internet and shed loads of unregulated youtube content.

But mention phone and it's NO NO

LISTEN to the people in the tech companies - they won't let their children have them but they will let yours.
There is no motivation to protect people

For those using minority experience (assisted tech etc) this has also been fed to us. Individualism continually diluting common sense.

OF COURSE for some people there are exceptions, but this doesn't mean that generally speaking, average rules do not apply.

I agree with her. All three of those children - her daughter and the two murderers - were adversely affected by the social media they accessed and by living too much of their lives in an online unreality state.

It is absolutely possible to restrict it through licensing and lockdown controls for under 18s.

Because they have put the phone into peoples hands 24/7 in the way that these other devices haven't been

I think most people would agree, but as others have said, the genie is out of the bottle and can't be put back in. Kids are tech savvy - way more than their parents in the main - and if they want to access something, one way or another, they will.

Sure, but lots if genies are out of lots of bottles!

We have regulation regarding alcohol, tobacco, car driving etc. We don't say "well children will find a way to access it so what's the point in regulating it". We make rules and laws to help to curb unwanted behaviour. We shouldn't just shrug and say 'oh well it's too late now,"

I agree with her, but it seems pretty much impossible.

My teens are OK without tik tok, Insta, facebook. One teen is also ok without snapchat, but the other teen asked us to have it because it's a primary means of communication with her peers. So we said yes to her having snapchat as it would have been silly of us to say no. She felt she needed it for communication. her location is hidden and she doesn't reply to randos.

both have whatsapp, but that's primarily for family and specific friend group stuff. it doesn't seem to be problematic, and both are old enough for it. (age limit 16)

They both watch loads of youtube.

A phone has now become quite a different thing to 10 or 20 years ago. It's now "necessary" and often has a lot of private information on. It's therefore very difficult to police. Taking someone's phone to go through the whole thing is pretty unacceptable once they reach a certain age. It really relies on old fashioned communication - talking about what is going on.

Schools would be grateful if there was a ban. It is possible. Some parents will defy the ban but if it was a law most wools abide by it.

I completely agree with Esther ghey’s comments and hope this campaign gets loads of traction.

the Wild West of the internet was such a big part of this case. I believe one of the things that made Brianna vulnerable was her large online following which Scarlett would have seen and possibly been jealous of. I think Briannas mum is very brave and honest in saying it was difficult to control. You can see from the cctv footage that Brianna was addicted to her phone. It’s not realistic to expect parents to solve this at a household level, we need support from government and the tech companies.

i know it’s hugely complex but I’d like to see discussions from the government, tech companies , social media platform owners , schools to discuss best ways of doing this. A starting point is only allowing under 16s to have access to certain agreed phone models with an agreed age-appropriate range of apps which can be installed in said phones (to include assistive tech where necessary).phones are the hardest thing for parents to monitor 24/7. It would be a massive starting point at least. Of course some parents/kids will not agree/want to abide but the current norms and lack of restrictions are hugely worrying.