DH and I have one DD, she’s 9 (year 5) super smart, talented, funny and just incredible. We were a bit older when she was born (37 and 39) DH is fast approaching 50.
We live in London, a nice area further out. DH is a consultant Ophthalmologist and I work in the civil service, we have a good combined income around the £200,000 mark.
Our DD is state educated, we could afford private and live in an area where you almost can’t move for private schools but the state school is fantastic and DD is thriving there. We were both state educated and have felt no disadvantages.
DH and I are considering moving up north, his family all live up there and as we get older we crave a slower life. Ideally we’d move before DD goes to secondary.
DD plays a sport competitively, just started playing for the county and really enjoys it, she also does ballet, plays piano and is a great singer (but hates singing lessons). She’s also just a bright, smart kid. DH is fluent in German and has taught DD loads, my French isn’t awful so I’ve taught DD French. DD is desperate to keep learning languages she thinks it’s really cool. If we moved north we have a specific area in mind which had a Grammar school, that seems to be hot on languages - offers French, German and Russian. DD already has tutor and is very bright so in theory she should get in if we moved.
Today I was with DD at a training session for her sport, I decided to stay this time but I don’t usually. I got chatting to another parent. The topic of schools came up, her child is privately educated and she straight out said “I think it is selfish when parents who could privately educate their children don’t, shows where their priorities lie!” I was a bit flabbergasted if I’m honest. We spend lots on DD from Ballet to her sport, singing, piano, tuition, travel and so much more!
She is 100% our priority, we just prefer the culture of the state school, although I know about 1/3-1/2 of her year at her current school will go to private schools for secondary it just doesn’t appeal to me at all.
I then told her about the potential move, she again said she thinks it would be selfish to take DD away from London especially as she is so good at her sport. She could still do the same sport at county level if we moved and I’m sure they will have ballet schools too! Yes she may be less likely to go pro in the sport if we moved as she’d be away from the resources/training London offers, but I don’t think DD is actually that fussed by that, she doesn’t love the competition side (but still wants to do it) and I’m sure if it became apparent she really wanted that we would find a private coach and figure it out!
I’m now up feeling really guilty thinking maybe I shouldn’t be taking her away from the opportunities London has and maybe even should be considering private as we could afford it.
Are we being selfish? AIBU wanting to move and not privately educating her?