DH and his flag pole dream….

[Lilysienna1]

DH mentioned a few years ago, that he has ‘always wanted’ to have a flag on display in the front garden. A proper flag on a pole, that we would raise up every morning, and ‘fly at half mast’ when the occasion calls for it.

I have never ever even thought of having a flag. We are British and I know it’s quite common in America, but not so much here. DH isn’t a football fan, so it’s nothing to do with the flag flying we see during the World Cup and the like.

last year, for Christmas he said the only present he would wish for, was to have that flag. He was most disappointed with the watch and aftershave he received instead.

He has now mentioned it to 13 year old DD who thinks it’s ‘kinda cool’ and she could imagine using it behind her for tik tok dances.

So now, I’m being made out to be highly unreasonable and a bore, for saying I do not want to raise a bloody flag every morning and see it outside the front of my house every day. I did try to compromise by saying ‘maybe’ a small one in the back garden, but DH says it’s to go out the front only, and why should we be ashamed of patriotism.

We don’t live in a grand estate home, just a detached house in a redrow cul-de-sac. The neighbours wouldn’t be affected as there are large trees between our only neigbours drive and ours, and we are on the corner.

However, everyone that comes in and out our road will see it as it’s the first house.

what would you do?? Give in and say yes to DH and his flag pole or put your foot down? Am I really being that unreasonable and boring? Does anyone else fly a flag? 🤦🏻‍♀️

Have you though about moving to Belfast? Then your DH could paint the kerbs too.

Maybe it’s tongue in cheek?
My teen dd has exactly that sign on her door, it’s a joke! (I hope!!) 😂

"If you get pleasure from something that you know might cause other people distress you're a sadist."

I think that door sign is funny. Unless you think he would actually shoot trespassers

You would be forever known as Flagpole Family.
One of our DC had a friend who lived on a farm (grew up to be a farmer as well). Whenever he has been mentioned in our house he has never been referred to by his name, always Flagpole Boy.

There is a flagpole guy in our village. Stalwart of community, does loads for charity and mad royalist. He organises village events for all sorts but mostly for royal events. Loves bunting as well.

Jesus some people are seriously HARD work…

Double check what the planning requirements are for a flag pole, it's a long time since I worked in planning so I wouldn't like to guess at current requirements, but certainly you used to need permission for a lot of flag poles. Likewise many houses will have a restrictive covenant on about what's allowed to the front of the property or streetscene if built in the last 50 years or so. If older then is it in a conservation area because again that will have restrictions.

I'm not a cynic.

I don't live on an estate.

I haven't claimed that "anyone with a heritage outside of the U.K. would automatically be ‘offended’ by a flag".

In fact, I haven't mentioned offence.

I'm not speaking for everyone everywhere.

I'm speaking for me, and I won't apologise for that.

Have a biscuit 🍪.

Probably outing but the in laws used to have a wall mounted flagpole that came out for any royal or other patriotic occasions. Small terraced house....

I haven't read all 22 pages so maybe it's already been mentioned that he might need planning permission for a flagpole.

We’ve got a flag on our road, it’s quite nice actually. It gets put to half mast when needed, we have a birthday flag that goes up for birthdays on the street, it changes if there’s sport on etc!

Put it in the back garden and attach a clothes line. Both happy bunnies.

Only if you get to choose WHICH flag as a compromise? Rainbows are pretty...or maybe you have a secret pirate fetish? lol.

Knit I think it's a nice thing too!

I don't know quite know how we've got to the point that flying the National flag makes you a Brexit voting, Nigel Farage supporting, Racist!

But I do work owith the Military I see the flag everyday & it has none of those connotations for me!

Newchapterbeckons
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Maybe it’s tongue in cheek?
My teen dd has exactly that sign on her door, it’s a joke! (I hope!!) 😂”

Nope, they’re just unpleasant.

It has, a few times.

Started off reading this thread feeling very anti flag and judgemental but reading this post made me think again. This actually sounds quite nice.

It’s not for me personally but I also think it’s a bit of a shame the Union Jack has lots of negative connotations.

There is a house in our village with a large flag pole and they must have a massive collection because every time I drive past there is a different flag flying. Sometimes they link it to an event like a national holiday. I really like it. It is fun to play name the flag.

I would hate it if my neighbour had a flagpole, it ruins the skyline (if you are luckly enough to have a nice skyline).

You absolutely did say to have ‘due regard’ for multicultural people and the dreadful things that were ‘done’ to them and the flag is used by ‘dreadful’ people to further their obnoxious views.

WTAF!!

Firstly not everyone with mixed heritage is a blob of people that have had ‘dreadful things’ happen to them, what a despicable and racist assumption!!!

Can you not see that???

Many of my Indian and Pakistani friends have very positive associations with Great Britain and the British flags.

Secondly you can not even assume that anyone of third generation is going to give a damn about a flag, your base assumption is of harm and it’s absolutely not the case for ‘multicultural’ communities that you have somehow lumped them together.

This might shock you, but in your efforts to appear holy than thou you have come across as very racist, and you will have absolutely offended all of my friends that absolutely do not see themselves as ‘victims’ at all!! You have given away your own inherent bias and racism by ASSUMING that anyone would want ‘due regard’ around bloody flags when this is THEIR country!! And these are THEIR flags.

For goodness sake please, please educate yourself!!

I think you should agree to it and say you'd like to fly a pride flag on there as well. I wonder what he would say to this.

Our neighbour has a flagpole in his back garden. He sits with a beer in the garden on summer evenings admiring it. I found it weird at first, but it’s always a discussion point when the flag changes in some way. It’s mostly the Dorset flag, occasionally England, occasionally the Union flag, it was the Ukraine flag for a while and he also has an acid house smiley face flag for parties. Now I view it with some affection and just his way of making a gesture.

Ltb

What other people think is on them tbh. You can't go through life not doing what you want because of other people's incorrect assumptions.

Not caring what other people think is often painted as a virtue, but it isn't always. Society has always functioned by people caring how others see them. It is sometimes worth offending people or incurring their judgement by wearing your heart on your sleeve over an issue you feel really strongly about. Does putting a flag up because you think it looks jolly and you quite like the royal family fall into that category? Not really.

As for gain, the dh gains something he's wanted for years and it would please him. He's not causing harm to anyone else. His pleasure isn't less important than some random stranger's opinion.

Ok. I disagree. I think that pleasure in a (tacky) garden decor choice is less important than discomfort your neighbours may feel about what they (probably statistically correctly) perceive as your likely nationalist tendencies even if you have none.

What is it like to be so bigoted ?