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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH and his flag pole dream….

1000 replies

Lilysienna1 · 02/02/2024 23:51

DH mentioned a few years ago, that he has ‘always wanted’ to have a flag on display in the front garden. A proper flag on a pole, that we would raise up every morning, and ‘fly at half mast’ when the occasion calls for it.

I have never ever even thought of having a flag. We are British and I know it’s quite common in America, but not so much here. DH isn’t a football fan, so it’s nothing to do with the flag flying we see during the World Cup and the like.

last year, for Christmas he said the only present he would wish for, was to have that flag. He was most disappointed with the watch and aftershave he received instead.

He has now mentioned it to 13 year old DD who thinks it’s ‘kinda cool’ and she could imagine using it behind her for tik tok dances.

So now, I’m being made out to be highly unreasonable and a bore, for saying I do not want to raise a bloody flag every morning and see it outside the front of my house every day. I did try to compromise by saying ‘maybe’ a small one in the back garden, but DH says it’s to go out the front only, and why should we be ashamed of patriotism.

We don’t live in a grand estate home, just a detached house in a redrow cul-de-sac. The neighbours wouldn’t be affected as there are large trees between our only neigbours drive and ours, and we are on the corner.

However, everyone that comes in and out our road will see it as it’s the first house.

what would you do?? Give in and say yes to DH and his flag pole or put your foot down? Am I really being that unreasonable and boring? Does anyone else fly a flag? 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Thread gallery
15
Whatevershallidowithmylife · 03/02/2024 11:09

Ah go for it lifes for living who cares what anyone else thinks.

Lavenderosa · 03/02/2024 11:09

The Labour Party are trying to reclaim the flag and I agree they should. Back in the 1960s, it was fashionable to have union jack flags on everything eg bags, caps and badges. Twiggy wore a union jack dress.

I'd love to change the perception of the flag being racist back to something more akin to patriotism. I definitely wouldn't want one in my garden though. 🇬🇧

wlsh · 03/02/2024 11:09

I've Welsh neighbours who have the Welsh flag flying on a pole outside. It's huge. This is in England, if that wasn't obvious. It is a bit strange! Grin They've been here decades too. I'd assume such people are fairly nationalistic (my neighbours are) but not xenophobic. There would have to be other signs.

Newchapterbeckons · 03/02/2024 11:11

I think some people just look for the negative in anything tbh! Always attaching something sinister to even the most innocent thing. It’s sad for them.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 03/02/2024 11:11

Thinking it's tacky is fair enough. It's a personal taste thing. But I'm uncomfortable with the idea that a person shouldn't. That seems to be compromising the freedom of expression that we are all so proud of.

People can do what they like. We all make choices about how we present ourselves to the outside world. People showing solidarity in conflict-torn countries have a genuine reason to show their allegiance. If you are not in that situation, why choose to make people think you're probably a right-wing bigot if you're not? What do you gain by doing it?

serin · 03/02/2024 11:11

Noisy things flags are.
The rope slaps against the pole and the noise would drive me mad.

MajesticWhine · 03/02/2024 11:12

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 03/02/2024 11:09

Ah go for it lifes for living who cares what anyone else thinks.

The OP cares. She already said she doesn't want a flag outside her house.

Maireas · 03/02/2024 11:13

Oh my god - look at that picture of Liberty!
Some people on here no doubt think that everyone who works there must be a bigot 😂

Tevion1213 · 03/02/2024 11:13

Bluenotgreen · 03/02/2024 10:38

Tbh I would rather have a stripper pole in my house than a flagpole with a Union Jack on it 😂

Definitely lol

Fluffywhitecloudsinthesky · 03/02/2024 11:16

Someone just asked- do you live on a rough council estate or something? My estate isn't all council, and it's not that rough, but it is a working-class area and we all get on pretty well, lots of immigrants/foreign national families too, and nothing about living here is enhanced by displays of UK flags. I have a home next door to one and everyone avoids that shop like the plague.

Yes- symbols like flags are coded differently in different areas. Perhaps if your husband had gone on holiday in the US and they had a Confederate flag up, it would have not seemed so appealing. The US appears divided on whether this is a 'racist' sign or a 'heritage' sign, I'd always err on the side of not wanting half my neighbours to think I'm a racist.

https://today.yougov.com/politics/articles/27278-what-confederate-flag-means-america-today

Walker1178 · 03/02/2024 11:16

There is actually a house by us with a
flagpole in the front garden. He’s got a pretty amazing collection now from all around the world and some just for fun designs. I quite like driving past and seeing what’s on display for the day. I’m not so sure that I’d be up for having my own to attend to though

rockstarshoes · 03/02/2024 11:16

Now I quite like this idea but I do similar with bunting! Easter bunting, Union Jack bunting, Common Wealth bunting when the games are on, Olympic bunting etc etc.

I would be slightly worried by the flag pole though, I work on a Military Base & we had about 3 pages of instructions on flag etiquette when the Queen died!
Half mast this day, full mast for the Proclamation of the King, back down again and so on!

It will keep him busy I guess!

Allfur · 03/02/2024 11:18

It's all a bit phallic and nationalistic

Crayfishforyou · 03/02/2024 11:19

Why stop at a union jack flag? You could have a rainbow flag for Pride or a pirate flag for fun?

Newchapterbeckons · 03/02/2024 11:19

Maireas · 03/02/2024 11:13

Oh my god - look at that picture of Liberty!
Some people on here no doubt think that everyone who works there must be a bigot 😂

Yes! What a bigoted person to even assume everyone that works at Libertys or any number of beautiful places are all raving racists - especially given the international staff that love working there from every country in the world!

bizarre the self hatred that seeps into some people’s posts and their perception, they loathe this wonderful country with its rich and ancient history and reputation for tolerance and kindness- it is a form of self sabotage.

Or maybe they live in burnt out estates where it is a sign of something more tribal who knows?! I have a great affinity for the flag and enjoy seeing it flapping around the country - my perception is a healthy one I guess and positive 🇬🇧✨

slowerprofessor · 03/02/2024 11:19

Let the poor man have a flag pole!

Fluffywhitecloudsinthesky · 03/02/2024 11:21

To me, a flag displayed outside a town hall is quite different in tone than one outside a private house.

Although there have been a lot of issues of the flags/colours shown in solidarity in football recently, it is just so politically fraught. Except on Mumsnet where it's just hubby expressing himself!

hby9628 · 03/02/2024 11:22

I don't think I would be upset if my DH did this. One of our neighbours has one and it's not in your face. We also live on a normal cul de sac type road. I'd do it if it would make him happy.

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/02/2024 11:22

Please don’t encourage him. Couple in our area and their owners are completely batshit!

Newchapterbeckons · 03/02/2024 11:23

Fluffywhitecloudsinthesky · 03/02/2024 11:16

Someone just asked- do you live on a rough council estate or something? My estate isn't all council, and it's not that rough, but it is a working-class area and we all get on pretty well, lots of immigrants/foreign national families too, and nothing about living here is enhanced by displays of UK flags. I have a home next door to one and everyone avoids that shop like the plague.

Yes- symbols like flags are coded differently in different areas. Perhaps if your husband had gone on holiday in the US and they had a Confederate flag up, it would have not seemed so appealing. The US appears divided on whether this is a 'racist' sign or a 'heritage' sign, I'd always err on the side of not wanting half my neighbours to think I'm a racist.

https://today.yougov.com/politics/articles/27278-what-confederate-flag-means-america-today

Well that’s the difference!

You live in a wc semi council estate and the flag means one thing - we live in a traditional village and no one would ever associate the flags with anything remotely negative.

So I guess op needs to consider where she lives, and the optics.

Newchapterbeckons · 03/02/2024 11:23

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/02/2024 11:22

Please don’t encourage him. Couple in our area and their owners are completely batshit!

I adore eccentric people you lucky thing!

Allywill · 03/02/2024 11:24

There’s one near my mum and dad’s. Like a PP they fly all kinds of flags at different times, I’ve seen an Halloween one, a Christmas one, a rainbow one and a jolly Rodger as well as a union flag (for the coronation). Never seen anyone saluting it though!

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