DH and his flag pole dream….

[Lilysienna1]

DH mentioned a few years ago, that he has ‘always wanted’ to have a flag on display in the front garden. A proper flag on a pole, that we would raise up every morning, and ‘fly at half mast’ when the occasion calls for it.

I have never ever even thought of having a flag. We are British and I know it’s quite common in America, but not so much here. DH isn’t a football fan, so it’s nothing to do with the flag flying we see during the World Cup and the like.

last year, for Christmas he said the only present he would wish for, was to have that flag. He was most disappointed with the watch and aftershave he received instead.

He has now mentioned it to 13 year old DD who thinks it’s ‘kinda cool’ and she could imagine using it behind her for tik tok dances.

So now, I’m being made out to be highly unreasonable and a bore, for saying I do not want to raise a bloody flag every morning and see it outside the front of my house every day. I did try to compromise by saying ‘maybe’ a small one in the back garden, but DH says it’s to go out the front only, and why should we be ashamed of patriotism.

We don’t live in a grand estate home, just a detached house in a redrow cul-de-sac. The neighbours wouldn’t be affected as there are large trees between our only neigbours drive and ours, and we are on the corner.

However, everyone that comes in and out our road will see it as it’s the first house.

what would you do?? Give in and say yes to DH and his flag pole or put your foot down? Am I really being that unreasonable and boring? Does anyone else fly a flag? 🤦🏻‍♀️

I do agree with PP that it’s sad that the flag has been so linked to right wing extremism. I have travelled widely and never think negatively when I see national flags flying in peoples houses or businesses abroad.

Just here in the UK, it is like advertising your racist credentials. I wouldn’t want all that negativity being directed at my home.

My in-laws' neighbour has one in the back garden and he flies all manner of flags, the union on royal days, the welsh on st David's Day etc. sometimes no flag at all. It's very visible from my in laws' kitchen and personally I think it's a questionable thing to do.

I'm happy with flags on public buildings and institutions but on a domestic plot it seems vulgar, a bit self important and slightly ridiculous like the Admiral in Mary Poppins with his canon.

To me it seems like an affectation; I think our history makes flag flying send enough uncomfortable messages to not do it. But that's just my opinion, it's obviously down to personal judgement. I believe strongly in the rights of others to offend me.

Quite apart from what it may or may not say about your views, it just strikes me as an unnecessarily ostentatious, rather attention-seeking thing to do. Whether it's virtue-signalling (with certain flags) or politics-signalling (with others), why the need to signal at all?

How lovely!! 🇬🇧
I love towns and villages like that, they usually have delicious traditional tea rooms as well 🍰

Tbh I would rather have a stripper pole in my house than a flagpole with a Union Jack on it 😂

If more people do it though, maybe perception will change?
It's sad that people don't feel able to do something that is normal abroad, without feeling judged.

This is the answer, OP. Negotiation. If he’s putting it up and down every day anyway, then four days one week and three days the next are YOUR choice of flag (I do hope you’ll choose the Jolly Roger, personally.)

Tbf I think it might depend on ops age and flexibility 😬🤣

Tsk tsk. Not well enough!

God no. Don’t do this. It’s the tackiest thing. In the US is might be common but it’s not a done thing here.

It doesn’t give the impression of patriotism or love of country in the UK, unfortunately it suggests that the fliers are racists who hate foreigners and or people of colour. It doesn’t mean they all are, but that’s the impression it might give - even if you don’t mean it to. I’m not saying it is racist, but people may think that. Especially if you’ve got a flag pole and permanent flag (as opposed to just popping one in the window if there’s an event).

My basic rule is, there’s nothing brave or patriotic about flying your own flag, in your own country in peace time. The default option is you’d imagine the occupants of a given house are British until told otherwise. There’s no need for a flag.

@Newchapterbeckons we do have about 5 independent cafes in our tiny town. I'm spoilt for choice when it comes to cake!

It's a shame our national flag is identified with extremism, but it is, so by choosing to display this you are inadvertently signalling something you might not mean at all.

I say this as someone who lives next to a shop which displays Union Jack flags all the time, in a downmarket area. It does not enhance the area and the whole vibe is exactly as it appears.

My neighbour flies an ‘ecocide’ flag -

I think that tbh

There's no way I could agree to this. It's very self-important and embarrassing. Who does he think he is.

It is not uncommon in Scotland to see a saltire outside a house. Round my way there is also - and Australian flag (flies beside a saltire on same pole), a Norwegian flag, one that alternates between a Union Jack and a Texas Lone Star (don't ask!), and a skull and crossbones. So no, I don't think it's odd. In fact, I think so long as you don't fly a St George Cross (sorry, but others have noted the reasons above), it's quite nice to put up a flag - especially if you change it up every so often like they do I the U.S.- birthday flags, seasonal flags, etc

There's no understanding of, or room for nuance, amongst the kind of poster who immediately goes to the pov that the OP's dh in wanting a flag pole = thick racist!

My assumption would be that, despite the known appropriation of the symbol by racists, the homeowner was willing to be tarred with the same brush. My second assumption would be that despite knowing that the symbol makes others, most often differentiated by race, uncomfortable and fearful, it is more important to the homeowner to have their way than anything else.

Let him have one.

It's a bit odd.

But love and embrace odd.

If I saw a massive flag outside (or a small one tbh) someone’s house and it wasn’t a jubilee, I’d assume you are raving UKip Brexit folk. It’s very odd imo. Agree in the US it’s more normalised but here it’s looney. I don’t think I’d find a man who wanted a flag pole very attractive 😂😂😂 I feel like your DH might be into wearing tartan slippers. It would be a very firm no from me. I might tolerate one in the garden but only if the neighbours couldn’t see it and if I couldn’t see it from the house!!!

Well I think your hubby sounds lovely OP, would I want a flag in the garden probably not, but I suppose if it’s mainly hidden by trees it wouldn’t be too bad if it makes him happy.
We go away in our caravan a lot and flagpoles really are a ‘thing’ so I think there is an undercurrent of men who secretly want one.
At least you’ve escaped the usual LTB 🤭

Agree

I know exactly the type of place you mean and they tend to be wonderfully British, celebrating everything that is good in the country and tend to attract plenty of visitors and as an extension draw wealth and interest. Elsewhere in the world people love our culture, and the traditions and spend a fortune visiting us to experience it.

I for one love the British culture, I am proud to be British - the flag represents something positive for me, and yes has more of a royal identity to me than anything else. I have never been to a place where it was connected to anything bad. It’s sad it’s been tainted in some areas if that is true. I associate it with jubilees, afternoon teas, sporting events etc.

Enjoy the cake 🧁 and the bunting!

If he gets his flagpole then raises the Chinese flag for lunar new year then I’m sorry honey, that’s a red flag.

My neighbours used to have large UKIP posters (in those days) in their front garden, proper wooden ones and spend a lot of time explaining how they weren't racist against my own family (just the other immigrants). When I see a flag flapping in the wind, my guess is those people want to make a point, not that they love living in the UK or England (which most people on Mumsnet usually say they don't anyway!)

I think if he's prepared to get out there, change the flags a lot, have fun with it, with the odd Union Jack or England flag occasionally on appropriate occasions (the football, death of Royal Family) that's absolutely fine. Otherwise you are lowering the tone of your neighbourhood considerably.

It would be a firm no from me