DH and his flag pole dream….

[Lilysienna1]

DH mentioned a few years ago, that he has ‘always wanted’ to have a flag on display in the front garden. A proper flag on a pole, that we would raise up every morning, and ‘fly at half mast’ when the occasion calls for it.

I have never ever even thought of having a flag. We are British and I know it’s quite common in America, but not so much here. DH isn’t a football fan, so it’s nothing to do with the flag flying we see during the World Cup and the like.

last year, for Christmas he said the only present he would wish for, was to have that flag. He was most disappointed with the watch and aftershave he received instead.

He has now mentioned it to 13 year old DD who thinks it’s ‘kinda cool’ and she could imagine using it behind her for tik tok dances.

So now, I’m being made out to be highly unreasonable and a bore, for saying I do not want to raise a bloody flag every morning and see it outside the front of my house every day. I did try to compromise by saying ‘maybe’ a small one in the back garden, but DH says it’s to go out the front only, and why should we be ashamed of patriotism.

We don’t live in a grand estate home, just a detached house in a redrow cul-de-sac. The neighbours wouldn’t be affected as there are large trees between our only neigbours drive and ours, and we are on the corner.

However, everyone that comes in and out our road will see it as it’s the first house.

what would you do?? Give in and say yes to DH and his flag pole or put your foot down? Am I really being that unreasonable and boring? Does anyone else fly a flag? 🤦🏻‍♀️

By "England" flag I assume you mean the George Cross, NOT the Union flag which everyone in Britain - except the English - knows is NOT the English flag.

And what type f person would that be?

I spend a lot of time in a Nordic country where having a flag pole with the national flag is very normal.

We always understood it was fine to have a flagpole there as not racist, but definitely not OK in the UK.

30 years later it became obvious the Nordic country was very insular and anti-foreigner (well the brown sort).

So just because it's common in other countries doesn't mean it isn't a race thing there.

I'm sure my Dad told me you needed planning permission for a flagpole...he had an idea of getting one. But that might be incorrect.

Our flag is inclusive and a sign of respect and I do feel that the pp on here that link it to something negative it really says more about them, and their limited grasp of history than anything else.

This statement makes it really clear that you’re not interested in the actual history or the perspectives of the many people for whom the Union Jack has been anything but inclusive or a sign of respect (to them).

Denying the various extremely negative, exclusionary and oppressive uses to which the Union Jack has been put (on a large scale) within the UK and outside of it doesn’t sound like you have a very broad or detailed grasp of history.

You might like to believe it’s just a lovely sign of inclusion and respect. But that doesn’t make it true.

Oh god please don't start this as a thing in England. I can absolutely see my dp wanting a huge flag pole outside our house but not with the union jack. Oh no, it would be some dungeons and dragons monstrosity 🤣

It seems a pretty harmless wish. Not sure I would want one but its not a hill to die on if your partner is so keen. Flying different flags now and again would be a fun way of avoiding some of the negative perceptions

Lots of households have flagpoles in Sweden. I live in a small village and I can see 9 from my window - 8 Swedish flags and the nursery is currently flying the Jolly Roger. The only thing stopping me from getting one for our house is the noise of the rope banging on the pole in windy weather.

As long as it’s a union flag. 🇬🇧 I’d be perturbed if my OH wanted an England one up.
Go for it! You only live once.
(I live somewhere where if you did that the neighbours would assume you were a nazi so we don’t see them generally and if we do we cross the street!)

I might have a flag pole now just to wind people up! Don't want to be living in a world where we are verging in George Orwell's 1966. And then every so often put up a flag from different countries just to blow small minded people's minds.

I think it sounds quite sweet and I'd want him to fulfil his childhood dream. He could have different flags for different occasions - I saw a cute Santa one in December, outside someone's house. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with wanting to display your nation's flag. It's just personal preference.

Mind you, I voted for Brexit, so just a thick, gammon type according to some on here
Must remember to get a bulldog tattoo when I pop out later!

We'd a flagpole on the actual house growing up, put the Union Jack in it every year in the summer for many years - you'd have been "criticised" locally if you did not. This was Northern Ireland in the 70s. I would not wish a return to such times.

If you also knew your stuff, you’d know it is just a union flag, not a Union Jack. As it’s not on a ship. So not sure you are the purveyor of correctness you think you are!

In fairness I didn’t feel when getting married that I had to declare all my nascent decorative proclivities. He was probably only dimly aware of it at that point anyway, as we tend to have phases of life when nesting is more on our mind. He’s in that phase now and thinking back to when he was a boy and wanted one.
I do agree that these ambitions need working through as they arise, since they can affect the whole family. And that’s what OP is doing. But I don’t think it’s fair to hold it against him that he didn’t declare his flagpole fetish before marriage. It’s not SUCH an impactful kink. “ I’m about to ask you something important but before I do so, I just want to gauge your attitude to flagpoles.” It’s good to keep a bit of surprise in a relationship anyway - within reason, which I think this is.

I actually own two washing machines and have always intended to; but I didn’t declare it before marriage. DH thinks it’s weird. It’s not; it’s fantastic.

Whatever our opinions as individuals the fact is that if you have a flagpole in your front garden, many people will judge you unfavourably. The house opposite to us has one and although it never bothers us in the slightest, people visiting us continually make negative comments and are very judgemental.

This has been covered above.

But the pedantry isn’t helping you. The flag is now widely known and referred to as the Union Jack.

Banging on about a land navy distinction from the past does not change the actual cultural practice and landscape.

@Dibilnik - heads up: don't go to Brazil during World Cup season! They all fly the flag, so you'd think the entire nation are "nutters" .

London but not SE! Many Jolly Rodger’s flags around then 😎

Because the kind of Britishness that usually expresses itself in national flags and anthems is the obnoxious, arrogant, Empire-building, exceptionalist, intolerant Britishness with close links to WW2 imagery, football hooliganism and racism.

And the kind of positive, tolerant, welcoming, personable, modest, fair play Britishness that I am proud of is well aware of the toxicity of that historical British imagery and treats it with much less nationalistic reverence.

You might want to check your facts there…

@Calliopespa its not just a decorative choice though.

Flying a flag is a hugely symbolic gesture replete with meanings and politics.

It’s not akin to developing a penchant for chintz or feeling you’d like a feature wall. Or having two washing machines.

It’s more like deciding you want to convert to Islam. Or become a very active member or the Conservative Party and use your windows and a campaigning space.

To be fair, I don't think there is any circumstance, including sport, where I could be surrounded by people waving national flags (even my own national flag) and feel relaxed and welcome 😁

Orwell's 1966, when Winston Smith proudly lifted the World Cup for Airstrip One.

Or, @VinegarTrio , that you're educated and inclusive, like my neighbour who clearly has a whole stash of flags of various nations, and flies them on appropriate days. They flew the Tuvalu flag last week (as I said upthread). I had to look it up!