DH and his flag pole dream….

[Lilysienna1]

DH mentioned a few years ago, that he has ‘always wanted’ to have a flag on display in the front garden. A proper flag on a pole, that we would raise up every morning, and ‘fly at half mast’ when the occasion calls for it.

I have never ever even thought of having a flag. We are British and I know it’s quite common in America, but not so much here. DH isn’t a football fan, so it’s nothing to do with the flag flying we see during the World Cup and the like.

last year, for Christmas he said the only present he would wish for, was to have that flag. He was most disappointed with the watch and aftershave he received instead.

He has now mentioned it to 13 year old DD who thinks it’s ‘kinda cool’ and she could imagine using it behind her for tik tok dances.

So now, I’m being made out to be highly unreasonable and a bore, for saying I do not want to raise a bloody flag every morning and see it outside the front of my house every day. I did try to compromise by saying ‘maybe’ a small one in the back garden, but DH says it’s to go out the front only, and why should we be ashamed of patriotism.

We don’t live in a grand estate home, just a detached house in a redrow cul-de-sac. The neighbours wouldn’t be affected as there are large trees between our only neigbours drive and ours, and we are on the corner.

However, everyone that comes in and out our road will see it as it’s the first house.

what would you do?? Give in and say yes to DH and his flag pole or put your foot down? Am I really being that unreasonable and boring? Does anyone else fly a flag? 🤦🏻‍♀️

I don’t tbink it’s fair or accurate to attribute our national flag with Nigel bloody Farage! He is not that important.

Our flag is inclusive and a sign of respect and I do feel that the pp on here that link it to something negative it really says more about them, and their limited grasp of history than anything else.

I am on team flag! And would throw a party with the neighbours to celebrate its arrival. We live in a democracy folks, people can choose how they express themselves.

God yeah. Hunt out that restrictive covenant and blame it on that

You say the abuse is only flowing one way @WaterHound but you’re the only one whose posts are so abusive they are being deleted.

It is massively disingenuous to pretend the Union Jack hasn’t been appropriated by the far right in the UK, although I agree it’s a dreadful shame.

YANBU OP. This is LTB territory.

It is definitely a man thing. I have yet to meet a woman who wants to put a flag up outside the house! We put the England flags up in the windows and the flower beds for the World Cup/Euro Cup, and the Union Jacks for Royal stuff - we're patriotic so shoot us! 😁 But otherwise no flags.

DH has spoken a few times about having a huge England flag on the property. Maybe on the side of the garage! 😬 Like a 6 X 8 feet one! But even though I think 'other countries are not afraid to show/fly their flag - including Wales, and Scotland, and the USA etc,' I don't feel comfortable having a massive England flag up all year round.

I can't articulate why. I am not left wing, nor right. More sort of centric, and see both sides. Some things about Tories piss me off and some things about Labour piss me off. Fuck knows who I will vote for this year in the general election! But anyway, I feel uncomfortable with an England flag flying, because it's (sadly) used by the far right - and I don't want people thinking WE are far right!

We live in a rural, mostly white, Christian area, but there are still a few POC (black/mixed race/Asian) people, and I don't want them thinking I'm a Tommy Robinson fan! 😬

Daft innit? We should be allowed to be fucking proud of our flag - like other countries are!!! But it's been taken over by the right. It makes me a bit sad truth be told. So far DH hasn't attempted to buy and erect an England flag. Not looking forward to the conversation when/if he tries to do it!

nb, if I see other people with a huge England flag up, I don't think they are racist or bigoted or hugely right wing! I think nothing of it, and yet I am worried people will think that about me! I can't work myself out! 😆

Yes, of course! I'm still going to think they're nutters though 😁

If I see an England flag in someone's garden I instantly think 'racist'.

@Lindjam OMG that house! 😆

Do you understand that people fly flags of many other nations? Of special days? Or are you so closed minded that you are unable to countenance such a thing?

I don’t think there’s any harm in it if it makes him happy.. just think of how excited he’d be! 😀

we live in a council estate where people have bought there own homes so quite a mixed bag, but there’s on house on the end of a street that is a standard 3 bed semi, but you should see it, I call it ‘the mansion’ they have a massive flagpole out the front and up lighters all round the house.. fucking UPLIGHTERS!.. it looks like a stately home, next to a house with a rusty car on bricks next door. I always smile when I walk past it as they obviously take great pride in it, but I just don’t know what possesses them to want to draw attention to the house in this way, just for fun I like to imagine it’s a right shithole inside, but I bet it’s immaculate.

each to their own! I’d say yes to the flagpole in a house like yours.

I'm a scout leader and I don't have a flag in my garden.

Nor do any of the other scout leaders I know.

Nor am I called the commodore.

We are nice volunteers who give up our time to give kids fun and adventure.

I like the idea of the Jolly Roger on a flag pole, I kinda want that now!

But having a flag pole in Britain seems a bit weird, its not like in other countries. In my country there's not the same association with the flag as in the UK (i.e. gammons). My grandad had a flag pole in his garden, the flag was raised on flag days (official days for raising the flag), following the rules properly and all very solemn.

You say the abuse is only flowing one way @WaterHoundbut you’re the only one whose posts are so abusive they are being deleted

I have not had any posts deleted. 🙄

It is definitely a man thing. I have yet to meet a woman who wants to put a flag up outside the house!

I agree with this!

@DinnaeFashYersel - absolutely. You also make a tremendous difference to the lives of young people. 🌻

I know 3 people who have a flagpole in their garden. One fits the stereotype, one does a bit, and the other one doesn't at all (and maybe doesn't realise there is a stereotype). I wouldn't assume all flagpole owners in England are Brexiteer gammon types, but I think it's a pretty odd or naïve choice to make yourself look like one if you aren't.

Why not.
So long as there are no English defence League vibes it's just a bit of self expression.

My bil had one and used it for all the public holidays, saints days etc, the neighbours liked it and all knew him and chatted to him about flag choices and which one next.
That was end terrace in suburbia.

I now live in a rural village. One of our neighbours has one and uses it for tongue in cheek things. He has a bar in his garden so flies it when he's home and open for visitors, Halloween gets a special one (kids always get loads of treats at his house) etc, the default one is a pirate flag. It's funny as he's a quite a shy chap, married, adult kids, not loud and gregarious and his garden bar has never been a rowdy thing, but it has made him more noticeable and seems to be a way for him to be open to friendly attention, part of the local community landmarks.

Well yes, but then it becomes a bit like a public broadcast. Why is it necessary to pin your colours to the mast in such a way? Flags are highly charged. It must get complicated, deciding what sides to take in certain circumstances. It all ends up like one of those exhausting social media feeds that assumes everyone is waiting for their latest update. Who cares?

Of course everyone has the right to do this, but I do think it's reasonable to consider them nutters 😁

This post made me LOL and also go awwwww in equal measures!

Thank you for what you do!

What a ridiculous and bigoted post.

@Dibilnik

Of course everyone has the right to do this, but I do think it's reasonable to consider them nutters 😁

RUDE!* *

😂

Omg my dh also wants a bloody flag pole but in the garden on the shed roof 😱 it’s really like an office/workshop/gym type building as opposed to a 6x4ft thing.
I’m so against it mainly because I don’t want anyone thinking we are brexiteers/EDL types but he just wants to have an assortment of flags to fly on a variety of occasions.
Anyway, if he ended up buying one and sticking it up I’m sure I’d get over it but he’s the least proactive man so I think I’m probably spared the embarrassment of the neighbours whispering about us.
OP, I feel your pain.

I think it’s not a give in or foot down response @Lilysienna1.

I’d say: I am not willing to live in a house with a Union Jack on a flagpole in the front garden. We’ve been together 20 years and it’s only now that you’re mentioning this supposed lifelong dream. It cannot possibly be so important to you or it would have come up long before we married and had a child.

Stare your boundary and see what he decides to do. You don’t have to agree to a front lawn ornament that will make you feel ashamed of and negative about your home.

Yes, it’s his home too. But this is like getting a dog. Even if the one who wants one agrees to do all the work and never ask for help, it may be that the other just absolutely is not willing to live in a house with a dog. If it had come up early on (before marriage and kids), the relationship would likely not have progressed. The dog enthusiast would have found a partner who wanted to live with a dog and the other person would have found someone who wasn’t going to try to make them live with a dog.

A bloody great flagpole in the front garden making a huge statement is like that. Or deciding to get a huge neck tattoo, having never previously expressed any interest in tattoos at all. Or any other choice that may make a partner say: I am not willing to be in a relationship with someone who does this or to live with this in my home.

People can make choices. But their partners may decide that those choices are not something they want to live with, because it does affect them in important ways.

When I see a flag pole in someone's garden with a Union flag or England flag, I always think that a big racist probably lives there. 😬 Might not be true at all, but that's where my mind immediately goes.

In English culture, flying the Union flag is a marker of being a right wing loon. Whether of not it's common in the States, or Wales, that's what it means here.

Does he want people to think a right wing loon lives in your house? Do you?

Our neighbour has a flag pole.
I find it rather nice. He doesn't have a flag on all the time, but will put them up for different events. So yes, he will put an English flag up for sporting events, but also the Welsh flag for St David's day (and one for Scotland, and Ireland for their days too) and he's got one with Father Christmas on for Christmas, and he has one for the winter/summer solstice etc.
He also does a fantastic Christmas light display, which I often tell him is a source of tension between us because the children complain we don't do as good a one. He also does his fireworks in the front garden on 5th November and New Year because he knows we and the other neighbours come out to enjoy them too.