DH and his flag pole dream….

[Lilysienna1]

DH mentioned a few years ago, that he has ‘always wanted’ to have a flag on display in the front garden. A proper flag on a pole, that we would raise up every morning, and ‘fly at half mast’ when the occasion calls for it.

I have never ever even thought of having a flag. We are British and I know it’s quite common in America, but not so much here. DH isn’t a football fan, so it’s nothing to do with the flag flying we see during the World Cup and the like.

last year, for Christmas he said the only present he would wish for, was to have that flag. He was most disappointed with the watch and aftershave he received instead.

He has now mentioned it to 13 year old DD who thinks it’s ‘kinda cool’ and she could imagine using it behind her for tik tok dances.

So now, I’m being made out to be highly unreasonable and a bore, for saying I do not want to raise a bloody flag every morning and see it outside the front of my house every day. I did try to compromise by saying ‘maybe’ a small one in the back garden, but DH says it’s to go out the front only, and why should we be ashamed of patriotism.

We don’t live in a grand estate home, just a detached house in a redrow cul-de-sac. The neighbours wouldn’t be affected as there are large trees between our only neigbours drive and ours, and we are on the corner.

However, everyone that comes in and out our road will see it as it’s the first house.

what would you do?? Give in and say yes to DH and his flag pole or put your foot down? Am I really being that unreasonable and boring? Does anyone else fly a flag? 🤦🏻‍♀️

That’s so sad. Not just for you, but for those of us who are considered racist for having pride in our country.

From a neighbour's point of view, I'd rather live next to a flagpole than wind chimes.

I agree with @BlowDryRat
It is reality. See a Union Jack flapping around outside a domestic dwelling, assume gammon within.

Interestingly, the Saltire Cross/Lion Rampant do not have the same connotations here in Scotland. They're anti-gammon.

“I recently acquired a flagpole outside my residence, the fulfilment of a lifelong dream. I have planned really quite a short (say 2 minute) raising of the flag each morning and lowering in the evening. I have therefore created a rota for my family to make sure this is done and it is quite clear who is raising/ lowering and who is respectfully looking on. I shared this with them this morning and they have been speechless with laughter for the last 20 minutes. AIBU?”

I think you need to explain to him the connotations of having a Union Jack flying in front of his house. He may not mean it as a “Brexity, forriners out” statement. At all. But that is what people will think because, rightly or wrongly, that is what flag waving has come to represent. (I had this conversation with someone the other week, funnily enough. “It’s our flag and it just represents the country@, he said. “And the swastika is just an orthodox Christian religious symbol”, said I. He took my point.).

We have a neighbour with three flags up and we are not quite sure what they all represent. He quite often has an England/Union Flag. When we drive past, we usually titter and joke “lowering the tone of the neighbourhood”. I don’t think that’s quite what your DH is hoping for…..

Life is too short. If all he wants is a flag, do it.

My parents friends (very middle class and a bit pearl clutchy, affluent area) went on holiday and someone random put a Pride flag on when they were away.

Not quite sure what statement they were making but parents friends left it on when they got back and fly it for Pride now.

Was nice. Felt like flagpole has become local community pole.

Our neighbours in Yorkshire had a massive flagpole in the field next to their house. The morons flew the Union Jack upside down for years.

When we drive past, we usually titter and joke “lowering the tone of the neighbourhood”

Gosh you sound lovely. 🙄

I mean it wouldn't be to my taste. I've only seen this once in that type of area of England and rumour has it the house belongs to a retired admiral...

But here's an idea! If he wants it, why doesn't he buy and organise it? I mean, why's it up to you? Especially as you'll get the sideeye from neighbours, school mums and delivery drivers who'll assume you're planning to vote Reform Party or something

Agreed! Was thinking the same.

For the record though, I really don't like people who have the bendy camping flag poles and put the Jolly Roger and VW flag on when camping. That does make me clutch my guardian published small independent campsite pearls.

The flagpole love seems to be a male thing. It screams phallic symbol.

Have you posted this before OP, during lockdown? I was certain I'd read this thread before and then your last post was definitely familiar.

I'm joining the NI posters saying noooooooooo!!!

If you do end up getting it, encourage him to change it regularly and have fun with it. Especially if you have neighbours that aren't British.

There a few near us, but more have the county flag rather than the Union Jack. I think they'd been changed to the UJ for occasions such as Royal weddings and coronation.

My mum lived in a very unionist area of Belfast and a flag suddenly appeared overnight on the lamppost opposite her house (because these things are always done - ahem - under cover of darkness). On windy nights she didn't get a wink of sleep because of the noise. Her neighbours 3 doors down could hear it too. Eventually it became a tattered old rag and pretty much disintegrated and nobody replaced it. There's patriotism in action for you right there🙄😆 It was quite funny though, when it went up. My mum had Alzheimer's and said in an unusually stern voice 'What. Is. THAT??'

Maybe they were signalling distress at sea.

We bought a house with a massive flagpole already in situ. The previous owner loved flying a Saltire. We are in the middle of nowhere though and have no immediate neighbours even though it is very visible from the road. We have had great fun flying all sorts of flags. Ebay has all sorts to choose from. The Northumberland county flag is going up today (not as windy). Thinking a Jolly Roger is my next purchase.

Team DH here apart from making you take part in any kind of formal raising. He can do that on his own.

Remember flagpoles sometimes need planning permission!

I don’t think I could have sex with a flag enthusiast.

I think flag poles are a bit naff and an eyesore in the wrong place. As in, acceptable on official buildings of some meaning, not so much on a housing estate. A flagpole in a normal front garden does make quite a big statement. Back garden maybe. If I went to see a house for sale with a flagpole out front I'd be thinking that's the first thing that will have to go and how easy is it to dig it out?

I think your DH is getting your DC on board with the idea so be careful you aren't outvoted!

I drive past a house with a flag pole every morning for work. The flag changes depending on the day - Welsh on st davids day, Irish on st Patrick's day, Scottish for st Andrew, Cornish for st Piran....

I quite enjoy looking forward to seeing what flag it is each day and sometimes I'm prompted to look it up!

This is not true, either is correct: www.flaginstitute.org/wp/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Union-Jack-or-Union-Flag.pdf

You'd have to be celibate round here, there's all sorts of flags out for the Six Nations!

Hasn't been the case for a long time. So if you're going to correct someone, then at least know what you're talking about. https://www.forces.net/news/union-flag-or-union-jack-which-correct#:~:text=Whether%20the%20United%20Kingdom's%20national,is%20the%20only%20correct%20term.

… not even despite his skill and enthusiasm about getting it up?

We live right next to a church. Any bit of a breeze and the bloody flag they have on the top is seriously annoying. You can hear the flag flapping and the ropes on it make a really awful kind of clicking and boinging noise. Please consider this before you give in to his childhood dream!