Asking employer to cover childcare costs

[Totupthenumberspls]

I’ve been asked to go on a business trip for a week, is it unreasonable to ask the company to pay the incremental childcare costs?

@Segway16 most womens jobs are not flexible either. They simply have to make them flexible to work round their children. Women are routinely leaving the office at 5pm to pick up their children and logging back on at 7pm when they are in bed. Women are routinely dipping out of meetings or having to have awkward conversations with their bosses about managing their jobs around their work.

Here is the simple truth: until men have to make the same concessions and have the same conversations, nothing will change. So simply saying her partners job "isn't flexible" and expecting that to be the end of it, is not good enough. He needs to be picking up the slack for these 10 days or paying for the childcare that he gladly expects OP to do for the rest of the time to allow him to simply hold the "my job isn't flexible" card and enjoy all the perks that come with that.

When I was a school governor (so an unpaid role) they would cover childcare costs up to a limit.

I asked for childcare costs when I was asked to come in to work on a day I didn't normally work. My son was in nursery at the time and nursery wouldn't swap a day. It took effort and there was much huffing from the employer but they did pay in the end.

Instead of people saying it is ruining it for other women, shouldn't we be saying why aren't men asking this question?

By the same token, do you think I can get my dog boarding costs covered? Thought not

This is good example and I think the answer to it is the same as I would give to OP - it's worth asking if it's an exceptional cost that you would not other wise have because of an exceptional request by the employer. They may agree they may not agree but then its up to you whether you can or can't do the work that requires this exceptional outlay.

It would be different if your job routinely involves the same work that causes the outlay - so say international travel. If that's always been part of your job from the start, then you are expected to organise yourself in a way that suits you and to not take the job if you can't afford it. That's different from OPs situation which is exceptional travel to a remote location for 10 days.

I think in that situation it's not unreasonable to ask for extra financial assistance if you are suffering a loss yourself.

This exactly summarised my thoughts.

Can people not see women have to start feeling equal to be equal? Make him make the arrangements with his workplace to look after his own children in this scenario (as any female would do).
I still have to see the first man going to HR to ask to cover for wraparound care because his female partner and mother of the kids cannot cope with 10 days of doing this.

There is a poster taking about the gender gap: how can you compare the OP's ridiculous request to negotiate a pay rise, conditions or a job title when you feel is the moment to do so? We all should be going for those, men and women. But not ridiculous requests I am 100 per cent sure no men would make.

This is what actually maintains the gender gap.

Where do we draw the line? Definitely before dog, cats, plants and sculptures... 🤷‍♀️

Respectfully, what you outline is a bit of a strawman argument...

I would just go and speak to your boss and say I have kids I cant just go off for a week. That you've never been sent out and worked at your desk for years. That you have no need to go away as you can do the job the same from your desk.
It may be time to consider a move to a job they can't just decide you are traveling away for. It seems unfair for jobs to randomly expect people to be able to travel or go to team building. I always just say no I just want to to my job role and no more and they accept that.
People on here saying that she chose to have kids and you should think of the future I hope you realise birth control fails. You cannot see in to every possible future occurrence. I don't think it's feasible that your job should cover all childcare expenses but I would maybe say I either can't go or il need some help with covering child care. If they need you to go that badly they may give some towards it or they will say it's fine for you to stay.
Maybe ask if you can have the travel thing removed since you say you don't actually need to travel anyway.

So is your employer currently flexible with you to allow you to drop off/pick up and look after the children while working? I think that is the benefit you have which sounds like you take for granted a bit tbh. They could have you in the office 9-5 and you’d need to lay wraparound care every day

I don’t fully understand when you need the additional childcare if you’re in the office all day 5 days anyway. Who is doing childcare now outside of nursery? Can’t your husband speak with his work for some flexibility to help that week?

Sorry I really don’t get this, your employer shouldn’t cover your childcare costs imo. And your contract does say ‘travel’, you’re lucky it’s a one off and not every month

@jeaux90 same thing happened to me. Life can be shit

Some of these posts are frankly bonkers.

OP is not setting back the sisterhood and her OH does not sound rubbish.

The problem is not that she has asked for childcare to be remunerated, it’s that most people - including men - don’t. All parents should be asking the question if they’re asked to do something out of the ordinary by their employer that necessitates additional childcare. The employer’s needs should not be facilitated by the wife, husband, mother, or neighbour of the employee. Why would they?

Those saying that she or her husband should suck it up to accommodate an expense incurred by her (or his) work are spectacularly missing the point.

Neither are children or one’s parental status - only pregnancy and maternity.

It's a shame so many people feel it is wrong to receive fair expenses. I'm glad the OP was willing to ask and had a positive outcome. Done politely, what is the harm in asking?

FWIW for the non believers, it is written in the policy document that my employer will pay for childcare and pet care which is expensed as a result of being necessary due to company travel.

@April489 the point is that policies should be the same for everyone travelling for work, kids or not, women or men.

The point is its always women accommodating childcare, refusing work trips to accommodate husband's big important job.
Women and men should be equally working, travelling, caring for others and having their time off respected.

I think it's very straight forward. That's the gender pay gap for you in a nutshell.

PS. My husband is in a very senior role. He asks his company to wfh when I'm travelling as I do when he does. I would not want a partner who doesn't want to allow any flexibility in his work. When men say my work does not allow me to do that is bollocks. Most importantly I want my two girls and boy to normalise that mummy and daddy have equal important jobs and responsibilities. I want for them to be treated the same in the future by their partners.

Sex and marriage are both in there, which would cover working parents as it could fall under indirect discrimination.

Don’t just take my word for it though - there have been rulings at tribunal setting a precedent for this.

Dobson v North Cumbria integrated care NHS Foundation Trust makes it clear that all future cases can take it as fact that women are more likely to suffer a disadvantage as a result of childcare responsibilities than men.

^ too late to add edit: Dobson was dismissed when a change in working pattern made childcare too difficult, she couldn’t work the set pattern and so her employer fired her. A judge ruled this was discrimination. This ruling means that the childcare burden on working mothers has to be considered by employers. Working mothers have protection in law. You might not like it, but it’s there.

Yes we all know that it’s unfair that the burden does still heavily fall to women. Change takes time though. Even 1 generation ago (for me anyway!) men did very little childcare. In my Grandparents’ generation men did none, it was women’s work. Society is evolving but it’s not immediate. That’s why things like the Gender pay gap are important, and why protecting working mothers from indirect sex discrimination is important. Society will catch up.

@Littlegoth It’s not that I “don’t like” that working parents have legal protection, it’s more that I think that some employers are so fearful of exposing working mums to any kind of possible detriment that they inadvertently end up subjecting other women to unequal treatment.

You may have no issue with that - most mums don’t in my experience.

@fitzwilliamdarcy I would have issue with any form of discrimination in the workplace. I think what you are saying is that childless women are treated unfavourably. This is itself could be covered by the equality act, depending on the reason for the woman being childless.

I have been the woman asked to go somewhere in a colleague’s place because they didn’t have childcare - I’d had 3 miscarriages over 2 years at the time and would have been on maternity leave had things gone to plan, but life happened. It wasn’t unfair treatment, or discrimination - just my employer asking if I was able to go in the place of someone who was unable to.

Yes there needs to be a balance to make things fair, and yes I can see that people may perceive they are picking up the slack, but that’s a management issue, not a legal one.

If your contract says you might sometimes have to travel, I think this is your problem.
I've just been sent away for a course and had to pay for extra visits from my dog sitter, but that's my issue for having dogs.
You either say "I can't do it" and they remember how helpful you were next time bonuses, promotions etc are coming round, or you suck it up for the benefit it gives you and the company.

And if they state that she has got a smaller bonus or didn’t get a promotion because she refused to travel due to childcare, it will be the easiest sex discrimination tribunal ever. (Scroll up and read my post regarding the Dobson tribunal). Hopefully you aren’t a manager using this sort of reasoning, as it’s discrimination.

Colleagues complaining about a perceived injustice is indeed a management issue. However, employees need to make a stake in their own value rather than looking at others. There is absolutely nothing wrong with negotiating with your employer.
It's an empirical observation that the ones complaining the most are often adding the least value to a company.

I completely agree. Employers don’t have to listen to their employees, or treat them fairly (legislation aside) or take on board feedback, but they might find that the best workers will piss off pretty sharpish to an organisation that does. By the same token - if you don’t ask, you don’t get.

they're paying you an EXTRA £250 a DAY???

EDIT oh - you're going for a week? working week? an extra £500 a DAY???

oh no, its so totally true...

Are you seriously asking why your children’s father has more responsibility for his children’s care than your employer?

I think it is a blow for equality that an employer has to pick up the slack on childcare because some useless father won’t. Letting men off the hook as usual. Why didn’t you go to your partner and read him the riot act rather than your employer.

The policy is the same for everyone, single, partnered, married, divorced, any identity, with or without children, or pets.

The point is that to combat a partner needing to accommodate the care then more policies like the above are needed, not fewer.