Asking employer to cover childcare costs

[Totupthenumberspls]

I’ve been asked to go on a business trip for a week, is it unreasonable to ask the company to pay the incremental childcare costs?

Pay for your own kids ffs.

That's not necessary what I am saying but people frequently revisit their contracts when their life circumstances change.

I work with someone who has a similar cause to you "due to the seniority if you role, additional hours & travel may be required, an element of your salary reflects this...."

When life events meant they could no longer work in the evenings, it was amended as they employer was then happy to adjust.

I know another person diagnosed with epilepsy who got the travel element removed from their contract as they could no longer drive.

It's regular to renegotiate when things change - people do it for all sorts of reasons including childcare.

You’re ridiculous

my partner may be able to help.

Why is childcare optional for your DH.
It isn't 'helping' it's being a parent.

So you know what your exact circumstances will be in 8 years time then???

(I know thjs wasn't a reply to me but ...)
No. I wasn't a single parent when I was in one particular role. By the time I was, I had to change roles, I had no choice. Unfair - absolutely. Part of life - also yes, unfortunately.

I worked on specific purpose contracts & self-employed for a few years, as it just about worked, and then, with a struggle, got back to my previous area, at a lower level but then worked my way up. It's still lower than I should be, it's not ideal, but there's many practical elements that work & enough career satisfaction to make it ok for now.

Don't understand, are you suggesting that even though you have a husband who is also the parent why you a) need to ask your employer to pay for a random nanny rather than your DH picking kid up b) even if that is the case - then surely you are only 50% responsible for the cost as you would split it with your husband?

Honestly you sound so grumpy, unless you are in a very difficult relationship with your dh, if so you have my sympathy even as a solo parent

When people are saying your partner needs to step up, why are you saying "that's not the point"? It's entirely the point.

He can and should be doing it.

Of course your company isn't responsible for childcare costs. That's all part and parcel of working and having dc. You either need a good nanny, the father needs to do it or you don't go or find another job

This. She complains about the men not asking for the same because their wives will do it, but doesn’t think her partner should step up like those wives do.

Basically, childcare is woman’s work. But somehow OP thinks she’s an advocate for women in the workplace.

It's a forum. If you don't address points people make in a post, you are ignoring them. Fair enough.

I've made no assumptions - I've worked only from your posts.

And you've captured it perfectly - you wouldn't ask for dog walking expenses. But someone with no children might see this as a crucial cost they need paid. You are seeing everything only through your own narrow lens. That's what makes you unreasonable.

To repeat - I don't think you are unreasonable to want to discuss the options with your employer. It's your sense of entitlement and inability to see the business perspective that's unreasonable. .

You’re ridiculous

You're lovely, aren't you?

There's nothing ridiculous about saying when you sign a contract, you recognise you are bound by that. If in the future you may have other commitments like DC, you recognise you may need to leave or seek a different role.

Many of us have done it. It's quite unbelievable how myopic you are.

💯

@EarringsandLipstick im saying the only thing that would change is the wraparound childcare. And yes, if it is entitlement so be it. I will not be incurring extra costs for my employers business

As an aside, it amazes me how few people in the workplace are able to articulate a conversation and request that may lead to a compromise win/win situation for both them and their employer.

A good attitude and a well thought out discussion will almost always get people further than demands and entitlement.

🤣🤣🤣. You have a crystal ball do you ..... and know exactly what your life will be like in 2032???

As a mother and senior manager- and with a OH who had a job that meant he could not help out in such cases- we always, together, got things organised so BOTH could go on training or trips as and when necessary. That is your responsibility BOTH TOGETHER. Again and again, women on my team took time off to look after sick kids- saying their OH couldn't or wouln't do it. If your partnership, for whatever reason, will not cover childcare to allow progression in the job- then refuse to go, but they please do not come back and say you are not valued at work and not making progress. Or change jobs.

Sorry, but this is the reality. And as men wouldn't ever dream of asking for money to cover childcare, yet again, gives women a bad reputation. A huge pity.

OP, it would have been very helpful for you to have explicitly said "DH's job is not flexible, and he cannot do drop offs or pick ups".

I think you should ask your employer, yes. The most they can do is say 'no'.

OP, you wrote that you don't need to be there. So why are you going?

So shouldn't you be expecting your DP to help with the childcare then?

Don't ask for something that a man wouldn't be asking for!

If your attitude at work is the same as it is here, I wouldn't be surprised if they tried to permanently relocate you to Botswana!

You have got lots of good advice on how to negotiate this but appear far more interested in arguing with people.

@EarringsandLipstick so I should have predicted my life in 8 years but that’s not applicable to you. Ok

I think it is reasonable to say that you have no childcare cover and therefore can’t go and see if they offer to expense it. I have worked jobs that require travel before I had kids (never 10 days though) and people with kids often bowed out or got special arrangements made. People with health issues and kids would sometimes say that it’s been too much travel so they would join via video (would that be an option).

We got the time spent travelling or going to evening events counted as work time and got TOIL for it and got daily expenses to cover food. One thing is that we could say no - I can’t do an overnight because of x. Your work aren’t entitled to your free time whenever they choose - it has to be reasonable - we haven’t signed away our lives, we are not parts in a factory assembly line. Most contracts now include adhoc hours, travel etc… as standard but they don’t then expect you to go abroad for 10 days.

I agree with you 100% OP. You're not going to change any of the very entrenched "you chose to have a kid so suck it up" views here though.

Your contract sounds like you could be asked to travel at any point, and the fact that you're in the office most of the time from 9.00 am to 5.00 pm means you're effectively saving money by not having to pay for wraparound childcare on a weekly basis. If your commitments have changed since you had a family and the conditions of your employment are impacting negatively on you, it may be time to make a change . . . or as others have said, suck it up. Eight years after having my family, my priorities had changed and I wasn't doing the same job as before we had the kids.

I think whether this reasonable depends on a range of factors, such as how much notice you have been given to make arrangements for childcare when you are away. The shorter the notice then the more likely it is to be reasonable for the employer to subsidise the additional costs that the OP will incur. The fact that the OP works in a male dominated industry means the employers are less likely to have had to consider the impact of their policies on family life, because the burden for childcare has traditionally fallen on women, as many mumsnet threads will demonstrate.
A few people have rejected the idea that refusal to compensate for additional childcare cost could be discrimination - however policies in the workplace which indirectly impact women less favourably can be discriminatory, so I do think this is relevant.
We dont know enough about OP's partner's job, but many jobs are not flexible to accommodate childcare, which is a big reason why women often end up taking part time and usually lower paid jobs when they return to work after having kids.
I think the negativity towards the OP on this thread is quite depressing.
Women need to demand more from their employers, not less, and demanding more flexible and family friendly policies that support women in the workplace can only be a good thing.