Saying DD has to go to specific school or give up sport

[Tipisy]

DD is 15 in Y11 and plays a sport competitively.
After summer she will move up a team from U16 to U18 and she will move to Sixth form.
The U18 team train two mornings a week 6.30-7.30.
DDs current school is 20 minutes from the centre they train at. We live about 10 minutes from both. There is a school next door to the centre they train at and a college within walking distance. DD has applied to all of them for sixth form.
DD really wants to stay at her current school as most of her friends will be.
But due to us living in a small village this would mean I'd have to drive her there in the morning for 6.30, pick her up at 7.30, drive her home for 7.45 giving her 20 minutes to shower and get dressed for school then get the bus or pick her up later let her shower at the centre and drive her all the way to school.
Alternatively, she can go to the school next door, I'll drop her off at 6.30, she can shower and get ready at the centre, walk over to school and study/meet friends etc. until school starts. Or the same and go to the college.
I have 3 other kids who I need to sort school for too, admittedly they will all be in secondary by then but it would be a lot.

AIBU to say to DD she has to either give up the sport and stay at her current school or pick the school/college near the centre and continue? DH thinks it's mean but I WFH and have other kids to sort and just can't be back and forth all morning!

You are missing the 3 other young dc who need parenting

You are not being unreasonable, however, I personally would do it. Its such a short time and only 2 mornings a week and I guess term time only. She might decide as A levels get close that she doesn't want to do it anyway. Yes you have to put yourself out but if you can do it you should - she's your daughter do whatever you can to encourage her.

Presumably you wanted her to do the sport in the first place and want her to do well in education.

You and your husbandvchose to live in the country side - she didn't.

You both chose to have four kids - she didn't.

She's too young to drive so she doesn't have a lot of choice in what happens.

I'd consider this from the point of view not of an adult who understands the pressures of the mental load but of a high achieving teen who has done everything expected of her; and weigh up if the resentment this may cause in your relationship is worth more than the inconvenience.

I agree with PP who ask what your husbands contribution should be. I feel sorry for your daughter but also for you with how much you have to deal with. I understand how frustrating it is for you to carry the whole load . It would also be you that suffers any fall out from tough choices?

So where is your DH in all of this??

Taxi for the running about in the morning?

Have you not heard of bicycles? At 16 she can get a moped as well

This was my thought- the kid has worked hard at the things you wanted her to, done everything ‘right’, and now it’s being treated like an inconvenient, selfish burden on your time.

She wants to be with her friends at the school you chose to send her to, and where she has had success- you created this entire situation with your choices, you have a duty to see it through.

Could you husband drop her at 06:30 and then she get the bus from the centre to her school maybe?

Giving you a virtual round of applause.
Sounds like OP is getting fed up of what is takes to be the parent of a high achieving child.

You are missing that the "young DC" are all secondary school age.

Yep, they are being used as excuses.

That's a bit harsh.
I might have missed it but I don't see where the OP has said it was her choice for her DD to do this sport. She has allowed it obviously but that doesn't mean to say it was her idea or that by letting her DD start something as a younger child she has to unthinkingly continue to do whatever is needed to support this activity. Things change!
My DS took up a sport when he was 8. I knew next to nothing about it when he started - they had a coach from the local club came to do an after school club when he was in primary and he liked it so joined up. He's now on the talent development scheme run by the national governing body and it takes up a lot of our time and money. Training involves a 300 mile round trip after school every week and multiple weekends. Matches can be hundreds of miles away. Did I commit to that when I let him join a local grassroots club nearly a decade ago? Of course not, I had no idea what would happen. Most of his school mates who joined in the same flurry of enthusiasm left for something else after a term or two and I had no expectation that it would turn out to be a huge passion for him.
We have made it work for DS, but not without sacrifices on his part too - he realises that with that degree of time and financial commitment he has to be prepared to help us help him. We have had to make decisions along the way as to what the pros and cons of different opportunities are and some have had to be turned down. He has had to accept that he can't do everything or that he has to be inconvenienced in other ways now if he wants to continue with his sport at this level. And he's lucky that he's our youngest - the story would have been very different had be been the eldest and I had been trying to juggle all this with his siblings' needs.
Most people whose children turn out to be very good or have a real passion for their hobby don't plan it, it evolves. Decisions need to be taken at lots of different stages. Initially they often are all about parental sacrifice but as time goes on children have to learn to take on more of the responsibilities for themselves and see the bigger picture. Through my involvement in youth sport over the years (I coach a different sport) I have seen lots of families where sacrifices have continually been made for one child at the expense of everyone else in the family and it seldom ends well. Teens who are serious about their sports have to start taking responsibility for themselves and that includes considering the wider impact of their participation on themselves and others.

Looked at dispassionately, DD requires her parents to take her to an activity and pick her up again twice a week. That's not a huge ask, and most parents spend more time than that ferrying their DC to activities or friends' houses etc.

Her objection to doing it seems to be the need to "be there" for her secondary school aged children. Most secondary school children get themselves up and off to school without any interaction with their parents. Many secondary school children let themselves out of the house after their parents have gone to work. OP is worrying about her Year 7 DC getting the bus but this is not only totally normal for Year 7s but it's likely that she will have friends also getting the bus, plus her siblings will be also on it.

Looked at dispassionately, DD requires her parents to take her to an activity and pick her up again twice a week. That's not a huge ask, and most parents spend more time than that ferrying their DC to activities or friends' houses etc.
Well it's massively unlikely that this is all that supporting this hobby involves. This is just the regularly weekly training. Presumably there's also regular competitions and probably intensive training camps etc to consider. Plus even sporty children still ask their parents to taxi them to friends' houses, parties etc. And for most people there is a difference between dropping off and collecting from after school activities and early morning when the whole of the rest of the household is trying to get out to work and school on time.
The OP is asking her daughter to move to a school which offers a better choice of subjects, historically gets better results, is near her sports facilities so more convenient for herself as well as the OP and would be less disruptive to the family as a whole. Lots of young people change school for A levels - it's not a particularly unreasonable or unusual thing. The only barrier seems to be the DD's reluctance to leave friends and a familiar environment and whilst that may seem like a huge deal for her right now, in reality it isn't. It's natural to feel that way,especially right now with GCSEs looming, but it sounds like there would be major advantages to the change. If the DD is serious about her sport, a career, life in general, she will have to step outside her comfort zone on many occasions and I don't personally think that 16 is too young to start doing that. It's not like the OP is demanding she moves from a fabulous school to a failing one because she doesn't want to get out of bed in the morning, she is asking her DD to make what's likely to be a very positive move.

@shepherdsangeldelight @Mariposistaaa so the other 3DC don't get the opportunity to do anything time consuming because child 1 got in first? Can't you see how catering to one child to the detriment of everyone else is not balanced.

Of course the other 3dC can do activities too. No one is saying they can't. If they want to do them at the same time as DD, then some negotiation/organisation may be required, but that doesn't seem to be a bone of contention or OP would have mentioned.

Tbh I think it’s amazing that she’s so invested in a sport and I wouldn’t want to risk her giving it up if she likes it and is good at it. A lot of parents would kill to have such a motivated, talented D. So I would try to accommodate it even if it makes your life difficult for a short while. She will be 17 and potentially driving (or friends driving) for the 2nd year of sixth form too.