Saying DD has to go to specific school or give up sport

[Tipisy]

DD is 15 in Y11 and plays a sport competitively.
After summer she will move up a team from U16 to U18 and she will move to Sixth form.
The U18 team train two mornings a week 6.30-7.30.
DDs current school is 20 minutes from the centre they train at. We live about 10 minutes from both. There is a school next door to the centre they train at and a college within walking distance. DD has applied to all of them for sixth form.
DD really wants to stay at her current school as most of her friends will be.
But due to us living in a small village this would mean I'd have to drive her there in the morning for 6.30, pick her up at 7.30, drive her home for 7.45 giving her 20 minutes to shower and get dressed for school then get the bus or pick her up later let her shower at the centre and drive her all the way to school.
Alternatively, she can go to the school next door, I'll drop her off at 6.30, she can shower and get ready at the centre, walk over to school and study/meet friends etc. until school starts. Or the same and go to the college.
I have 3 other kids who I need to sort school for too, admittedly they will all be in secondary by then but it would be a lot.

AIBU to say to DD she has to either give up the sport and stay at her current school or pick the school/college near the centre and continue? DH thinks it's mean but I WFH and have other kids to sort and just can't be back and forth all morning!

It's really not that simple, DH has to leave at 7am for work, youngest will only be 11 when this all starts so definitely not ready to be left to her own devices.
DD1 already takes up more of our free time than the others and I think somewhere there has to be a balance. I think moving school and continuing sport is a fair compromise especially as it's sixth form when loads of pupils move.
DD already goes to school early most days so she's used to studying in library until the day starts and the other school starts the day at 8.30 so it's not a lot of waiting around!

Can the other children safely get to school without you?
What is your work situation? Do you need to travel to work after or work from home?

YANBU. Even without the other kids, you don’t need to be the one making all the sacrifices to allow her to continue with her hobby. You aren’t giving her an unreasonable choice or failing to support her.

Also, while wanting to stick with the familiar when you’re already enjoying it is understandable, it’s not a brilliant way to make decisions about your academic future. Has she looked at what the different 6th form environments offer in terms of academic results and other opportunities?

Am I right you live ten mins from the secondary school? Is this by car or walking?

We have checked - sixth form and Y11 are allowed to use the library from 7.30 for independent study, the school day starts at 8.30, the sixth form common room is open from 7.45 and the cafeteria for breakfast the same time.
Her current school she gets the early bus to and is there for the library opening at 7.45 everyday to study for an hour so this isn't new to her.

Could she get a taxi direct from training to the school? Depends on cost I suppose

10 minutes by car for both, but the school bus takes a bit longer.

Could any of the children walk to or from school? Is it a safe route?

Presumably you've all put in time and effort over the years for her to get to a competitive level? It would be a shame for her to give that up now by making the decision to stay with her friends. It is quite a lot but if it was me id suck it up for 2 days a week I think.

I'd probably say she needs to shower at the centre though so you she can be picked up and dropped off at school without having to go home to shower so it saves that bit of the journey. How much would a taxi between the centre and school be? Could that be an option so you'd just have to drop her off?

There is a school bus for the others, the older boys will be fine but DD2 is only going into Y7 so I'm not sure she'd handle it well.

I work from home.

If DH has to leave by 7 anyway, why can't he do the drop offs for DD and then you would only need to do the pick ups?

Sorry but I wouldn’t be taking anyone anywhere for 6.30 am!

Is there no way she can get there independently?

But more helpfully, this.

It's extremely rural, narrow roads from home- school or home to centre it wouldn't be a safe walk but they can get the bus either direction. The times just don't work for training-school or home to training in the morning.

No public transport, even if a bit of a walk or a change?

Perhaps, it could definitely be considered. Still a lot of running about when there is a perfectly good (or better depending on how you look at it) school next door to where she trains.

Not at those times it's rural so the bus service is irregular, the first bus from our village to the centre wouldn't arrive at the centre until 6.40 then it's still a walk. Coming back the way she would miss the bus going back by a few minutes so not something we could rely on.

Yanbu

She at least has an option.

Guessing this sport negatively impacted the other 3 over the years. She can suck it up now.

She’s old enough to work out her own plan. You tell her precisely the limits of what you can do to help and then let her come back to you with her solution.

I can't believe people are saying you should do all that running around. I wouldn't even consider it.

I would consider a few options - are there ways she could transport herself for some of it - buses, cycling, moped, friend's parents?

If not then I would agree with you. She either goes to the more practical school or she drops the activity.

There's not a chance in hell i would be doing all that extra running around when it's simply dd's preference to stay in her current school.

Its not fair on your other children and it's not fair on you for her to take up so much of your resources.

Also, Unless dh wants to be part of the solution, he can shut up.

Oh 100% and we would still take her to wherever necessary from competitions which can be up to 3/4 hours one way. We do rotate this with the other parents but it's a big commitment and I do feel DD is at an age now where she has to put some of the effort in to make it work within the family unit.
DD2 is also getting to an age where she will be competing more so it's got to be a balance.

DH thinks it's mean
Then DH needs to step up and think how he can help more in the mornings. Would his work consider a late start twice a week, he could work through his lunch hour instead. Would he even ask? If he can't help provide a proper solution then he needs to shut up.

Also ask DD how she imagines how it will work with the needs of her three siblings and her mother's exhaustion level? She's old enough to start figuring this out, it's called time management and responsibilities, and all six formers/college students need to learn this to function as an adult.

For me, one key thing would be whether there is any real advantage to her staying at her current school or if it is just a preference. I'd probably feel rather differently if there was a subject at the existing school that she wanted to do that the others don't offer or if the results were significantly better at her current school.
It is a potentially very disruptive schedule for you and the other children so I'd want to be able to see a real advantage to staying in the same school.
Another consideration is your DD's own well being. I know how much pressure there is for a young person combining a serious sport or other activity with A levels as my own children have been there. Being at the school near the sports facilities is potentially quite a bit less stressful and tiring for her as well as you. The time spent in the 6th Form Centre in the mornings could be used a lot more productively than the same time sitting in traffic. Whilst a change of school may seem like a big upheaval for her right now, long term it might make her life a lot easier.

I think it's reasonable to insist she gets from training to school/college herself. If she wants to stay at her current school she needs to come up with a plan - cycling, bus, lift from a friend?
If not, she needs to change to a more convenient school/college.