Saying DD has to go to specific school or give up sport

[Tipisy]

DD is 15 in Y11 and plays a sport competitively.
After summer she will move up a team from U16 to U18 and she will move to Sixth form.
The U18 team train two mornings a week 6.30-7.30.
DDs current school is 20 minutes from the centre they train at. We live about 10 minutes from both. There is a school next door to the centre they train at and a college within walking distance. DD has applied to all of them for sixth form.
DD really wants to stay at her current school as most of her friends will be.
But due to us living in a small village this would mean I'd have to drive her there in the morning for 6.30, pick her up at 7.30, drive her home for 7.45 giving her 20 minutes to shower and get dressed for school then get the bus or pick her up later let her shower at the centre and drive her all the way to school.
Alternatively, she can go to the school next door, I'll drop her off at 6.30, she can shower and get ready at the centre, walk over to school and study/meet friends etc. until school starts. Or the same and go to the college.
I have 3 other kids who I need to sort school for too, admittedly they will all be in secondary by then but it would be a lot.

AIBU to say to DD she has to either give up the sport and stay at her current school or pick the school/college near the centre and continue? DH thinks it's mean but I WFH and have other kids to sort and just can't be back and forth all morning!

DH should drop off if he has to leave at 7 anyway. Especially if you're dealing with three other kids. I would try to keep her at the school that she likes if possible.

Even if she does move school will she need a lift anyway? So maybe your DH could take her early morning either way. Then the only prob for you would be working out how to pick her up 2 days if she does stay at current school

I think I would try to make it work, something like DP drops her off at swimming on his way to work, she takes school stuff with her, she gets showered and changed there, and either you pick her up with the other kids in the car later (8ish) and drop her at school, dropping other kids on the way or way back, or she gets a bus if this is possible (I assume she’d have 45 mins plus to get to school afterwards).

It’s a big deal to go to a school without her friends and if she’s happy at school
where she is I don’t think I’d be pushing her to change it, or to ditch the sport.

Obviously if it’s a total nightmare for some reason (and you might want to test run buses or driving this term) or she actively wants to go to the college, that’s different.

That is the other frustrating thing.
Her dream A-Levels are Maths, Further Maths Economics and German. She can't do that at her current school as economics isn't offered and further maths is dependent on uptake (small school). The other school which is bigger offers all her dream subjects and has consistently better results at A-Level.
We don't send our kids there for GCSE results are effectively the same and we liked the transition from primary to secondary at the other school (plus being smaller made it seem friendlier).
DD already spends more time than most at school (says she's more productive in the library than at home) so I'd imagine either way she will go in early to study etc.

If the schools are academically equal then I would expect your DD to compromise on this.

It will be good for her development to meet new friends in 6th form, she can then have 3 sets of friends, school ones, sports ones and 6th form ones.

I can't see any reason for you to have to do unnecessary driving.

My parents had 6kids and took all of to our sports. Why can't you do this hard work for a year or 2?

I've had to give DD the deadline that this is the season I will take her to sports training. I'm knackered, she either passes her driving test or changes team or changes club.

What about an ebike? Or, as someone else suggested a 50cc moped?

We have sporty kids we are constantly driving around. They do some biking / public transport to ease the load but winters are tricky.

I recently made her decision that has ended in my teen basically giving up the hobby they loved and were really good at and had dedicated years to. All I can tell you is the guilt is a b*#+# and I would change the decision in a heart beat if i could. Just something to think about.

I get this. Ds is a competitive level for sport and it involves morning training as well as evening.

Ok, his is earlier 5-7am! But when he moved from school to college I told him he needs to consider how he's travelling. (Easier for me as due to a disability he needed me to take him!). But otherwise I meant consider times of college, times I work and the travel required of me.

I think she needs to either

A) get public transport to her current school from the sport or

B) go to a school near her sport.

If she's serious about her sport and wanting to go all the way when faced with realising the independence required and the sacrifices she needs to make to her life as well as the ones the parents make to facilitate it she'll decide herself to carry on or quit and on what school works best

At sixth form level would DD definitely have to be in school first thing every morning? At mine you were allowed in late or allowed to leave early if you had a free period. Obviously this might not be clear until September when timetables are known but it could help. Also, given that she’s established and achieving in her sport, would it be worth seeing whether some kind of special arrangement could be made?

With your update its a no brainer she goes to the bigger school next to the training centre

Where will her team mates go?

None at her school currently, some will go to the school next door, others another school in the same town or the college, some are privately educated.

Is there no public transport from the sports centre to the school, could she shower there then catch the bus? I'd also suggest checking that she can get a school bus from your house to her existing school post 16, there's no statutory requirement so families have been caught out here - the school bus only takes 11-16 despite the sixth form being on the same site. Post 16 can get the public bus the opposite direction so the council doesn't need to provide

The other thing is that depending on the sport, even if she's very good, unless she's elite by 16 then it's just a hobby and as a family we have to decide when enough is enough. I stepped back once mine were at 6th form, hobbies I would fund but sacrifice my sanity for (late nights rather than early mornings for mine)

So it sounds like the school close to the training facility is actually more suitable for her anyway then OP?
It's quite understandable that she is nervous at the prospect of changing schools but it does sound like it makes sense on a number of levels.
If your area is anything like ours she won't be alone as lots of kids change schools for 6th forms, to do specific subjects, go somewhere with better facilities or just because they fancy a change. Quite a lot of children come to my DC's school from elsewhere for 6th form and they seem to settle in within weeks. My DS is in year 13 and has a mix of friends he has been with since year 7 and those who only joined in year 12. Of course it's a big change, but it's not like being one new pupil in an established year group, there will almost certainly be plenty of new arrivals. Does your DD have any friends from her sport who already go there or who would be making the same change? Or any pupils from her old school who are moving for other reasons. That might make the transition easier for her. It's a stressful year and she is probably anxious about making a big change but it sounds like it would benefit her.

I think you answered your own question - by saying the other school ( I assume the one near the sport) has better A level results and offers the subjects she wants. Literally the only thing that matters at sixth form is A level results (if she plans to go to university). So it is a no brainer. Those A levels have a LOT of homework. Also, you don't want a school that only sometimes teaches further maths - you need proven teachers ( I am talking from experience there!). Sounds like regardless of the hobby, it seems like a better sixth form.

We also had a difficult decision like this with DD, who was a swimmer with the reverse issue of school. Her sixth form was in the opposite direction of the swimming pool and no buses where we are. We agreed that since she didn't plan to be a professional swimmer , she should give it up to focus on her A-Levels. She wanted to study medicine and that had to take precedence. She was upset for a few weeks but then found herself enjoying the sleep in and she took up waterpolo - as she still loved the water.

Sounds like the options are-

1. she goes to the bigger school, or
2. she gives up the sport, or
3. your husband takes her and does this morning jaunt around two venues or at the very least does the 6.30 bit

1 and 3 both sounds like preferable options to 2, but not my decision to make. If your DH thinks it’s “mean” he should definitely make it work and there doesn’t seem to be any reason why he can’t.

Put it on her. How does she see it work and what is her solution. She is old enough to understand compromises need to be made and she needs to find a solution. Being ferried around like that is completely unreasonable.

FloatlikeaFeather2, they're teenagers, aren't they? Or all in secondary. Will they be asleep in bed still? With their dad? She would still have to be up and out and drop her daughter to training at that time even if she does move school.

I'd be encouraging her to change schools because it's a better option for her A levels. Being next to the training centre is an added bonus. And if DH leaves at 7, then surely he could do the 6.30 drop offs twice a week, leaving you to sort the other DC for school.

DH seems on board with her plan. How about he facilitates it by taking her there each morning? Halves the load for you and gives you time to concentrate on the younger ones .

My 11 is left to her own devices 2 days a week for school now. I leave at 7:15am for work on 2 days. North DD11&DD13 have to be up when I leave and then they get themselves to school. They leave at different times as the youngest is an early bird and meets friends. Eldest is also autistic but has been doing it since she was 11. Both secondary 11 though as August birthdays . Bit we did start walking to and from school alone from y6, just with me seeing them out the door. Work days was wrap around I had to pay for on primary.

Just want to add weight to this A level issue.

My eldest niece (all grade A* and 9 at GCSE in 2017) was planning to move to a more successful school for better A level choice and results, but in the end elected to stay put because of friends. She ended up having to take English Lit instead of her first preference (history) because of a much smaller 6th form at her original school AND - was the only student choosing the subject!

As a result, they only gave her half the lessons other A levels got and being a. lass of one was awful. She got ABB when she should've had at least AAA. The original school went into Inadequate with Ofsted not long after and 6th for. teaching was a major issue.

Try to guide your daughter towards the subjects she really prefers AND emphasise how important a bigger, more successful 6th form would be for her.