To object to colleague calling me ‘mate’ all the time?

[Orangejuggler]

So expecting this to divide opinion, but it really winds me up when my colleague calls me ‘mate’!

I think it’s only used to create a false sense of camaraderie and friendship when there isn’t one.

I also think it triggers me because I think that the only people who use it with me are people I dislike or where there’s been a bit of tension. kind of similar to prefacing any comment ‘with all due respect…’

is it just me? Do people use it with people they like?

Don't live in London or Essex as you'll hear that a lot

It doesn't bother me, nor does being called love, darling or sweetheart etc.

I hate it because my husbands ex used to only say it in spite (as in "you wanna watch yourself MATE!") I fucking hate being called mate

Having thought about it I use it mainly in casual conversation eg "cheers mate" to a bus driver etc or for example "sorry mate" if I bump into someone. So when I don't know them from Adam.

Maybe that's it...I'm a Londoner. It's used a lot.

Am I the only person not to have heard a woman being referred to as Mate?

Back in my day Mate was strictly for a man!

I think I would find it irritating too. It isn't just a regional variation of friendly-respect terms it is also (as OP says) adopted by some people to generate a false camaraderie.
Worse than that, it is often used to signal a kind of conscious deflection of possible offence/tension by people who seem to feel that it is their responsibility to manage others' feelings from a position of superiority (think of a police officer trying to deflect the aggression of a drunk outside a nightclub). That makes it sound patronising, even when that isn't actually the intent.

It pales into insignificance, though, in comparison with a colleague of mine who says 'wherefore' whenever he means 'whereas'. That massively triggers my pedantry.

Yeah, I’m a Londoner and use it all the time. I’ve never known it to upset people.🤔

Just say 'you can call me @Orangejuggler you know' each time you get 'mate'

I see your point, OP.
It could be seen as passive aggressive. For example, "calm down, mate" or "keep your hair on, mate".

Oh dear.

Would you prefer Matey?
I think Matey is more gentle..
What about Missy Moo?

Could you make light of it and say,
"Look, I've always hated being called Mate, sorry. Could you please call me by my name, Orangejuggler, or Chum, Bess, Missy Moo, Wonder Woman or Fatty. But I do much prefer Orangejuggler. If you can just use my name that would make my day"..

well, as pp have said use of the word "triggered" is - meh. don't do that.

And then definitely when picked up on don'T tell people they "can't police language" because that just makes you look a bit daft.

Just use your words "please don't call me mate" "my name is..." whatever.

I think that 'triggered' has become a very much overused term that is very ripe for taking the mickey out of, in the way that this thread does.

I get more annoyed by people who decide to take offense at being called "mate", "love", "sweet", "guys" in a way that is clearly part of someone's speech pattern and use it as a way to get hugely offended

I’ve just had a text message off my best friend who has just said “hi mate” which has caused me to look over all our past messages and she says this in every one, how did I not notice?!

I’ve known her since I was 9 years old and I’m now 46 so she is my “mate” but after this thread it sounds weird. MN messes with your head sometimes 😳

I prefer mate than hun, the most condescending term ever!

I don’t like it either. I’ve got a friend (ex forces) that uses it all the time. It sounds like blokey banter-ish hate it. Feel same about bro and bruv use too.

Someone kept calling me 'pet lamb' the other day. I'm used to 'pet' and I quite like it, even though I am an incomer to my region so that it always feels a bit exotic to me. But pet lamb was several bridges too far. I think probably only mums should say that.

where I live ‘mate’ is seen in the main as either wide or aggressive. Also tends to be directed towards men, by men ie. ‘Got a problem, mate?’ while walking across a multi-storey ready to pretend to want to fight. I find it mostly over-familiar/condescending/insincere - unless it’s coming from an Australian. Had a colleague who so addressed everyone and everything (dogs, plants, old ladies) and it was endearing.

Locally, ‘pal’ would be used, which I don’t mind being called as long as it’s coming from someone older than me.

It's a lot better than what me and my colleagues call eachother, I wouldn't get worked up about it.

Jobs the OP should avoid:

Being a barman,
"Alright Mate, 3 lagers and Babycham for the bird"

Being a plumber,
"Thanks for shoving expanding foam in me cracks mate.."

Being a delivery driver,
"Cheers mate.. I'll just retrieve me package from behind the bins... Even though I was home.."

Being a professional cockney,
"Alright me auld china? Fancy a Knees up dahn tha Rose n Crown me auld matey mate"

Being a soccer manager,
"But boss, my Team mates are all metrosexuals with hair gel and perfume lines.."

Being a pirate,
"We been sailing ye auld seven sea with me ship mates on the good ship Venus... By god you should have seen us.."

When I was at uni and had a part time job, we had a manager who called everyone babes. “Would you just fix that display, babes.” All the time. I hated it. But after 4 years, found it endearing and missed it when I left uni and moved on from that job.

Sometimes you just have to accept that people speak differently from you and asking as they’re not using offensive terms, or singling out one sex with pet names and using proper titles with the other sex, then it’s fine.

😂 Love some creative writing in the morning.

I was about to add this as a comment - I detest and despise the use of 'guys' or 'you guys', particularly as I am female and in a (slightly!) older age group

It is lazy and rude