To object to colleague calling me ‘mate’ all the time?

[Orangejuggler]

So expecting this to divide opinion, but it really winds me up when my colleague calls me ‘mate’!

I think it’s only used to create a false sense of camaraderie and friendship when there isn’t one.

I also think it triggers me because I think that the only people who use it with me are people I dislike or where there’s been a bit of tension. kind of similar to prefacing any comment ‘with all due respect…’

is it just me? Do people use it with people they like?

Hun is another one that winds me up! It’s on the same level as mate imo

I suspect this is why it’s used so often!

I can't bear it.It's like people who say 'Guys' to mixed sex groups- can't bear that either.Don't start me on 'Hun' which I loathe.

Triggered is a term used to describe things which evoke panic attacks in people with PTSD. It is the modern equivalent of saying ",I'm a bit mental me" and equally offensive.

You don't like it, perhaps tell them and ask them not to do so again.

So am I 😊

I think it might be regional. About like going 'up north' and being called duck.

Not a hill I'd chose to die on.

Just tell them you don’t really like it?
If it was (is?) me I’d appreciate being told.*

*and then never speak to you ever again.

I only call people mate if I think they're an arsehole

😂

I completely accept that my annoyance is irrational, but wanted to see if I was alone in this.

You should avoid Australia at all costs.

I’m more offended by “hun” especially used by men. It makes me feel a bit sick 🤢

and unfortunately for both of us, you can’t police use of language

you’ve just answered your own op there I’d say.

I’d also say using “triggering” about being called something as inoffensive as “mate” is what gives people using “triggered” a bad name and does them a massive disservice.

Honestly, this is not the hill.

I think this is a tough one. Just because you have a negative reaction to being called “Mate”, doesn’t mean that the intention behind it’s use is negative. They may be calling you “Mate” in an attempt to show that they see you as an equal and feel that doing so is a show of inclusivity and acceptance. It could also be that they have forgotten your name. Do they call everyone “Mate” or just you? Do they refer to you and other people by name as well? Is the vibe in the office positive or fraught? I think if you find out the intention behind this, you might very well know whether to react or not to this situation.

I’m not dying on any hill…just mildly irritated. Obviously I won’t address it with my colleague and will just inwardly roll my eyes every time he says it.

But now I can do it with the full knowledge that I’m not alone in my loathing of it.

and judging by some pps and aibu in general, there are plenty of people out there with low tolerance levels.

and as I pointed out in previous post, I’m well aware I can’t police the language. Still bloody irritating though

BTW, my DH only called me “Mate” once. I explained that while I am his mate in the true sense of the word, I am not happy to be placed in the same circle as his friends. I am his wife. I do not want to be called Mate when I am not simply his friend. If he isn’t going to use my name then he can refer to me as something that shows more respect to our relationship. It was explained in a funny but “I’m still serious” way and he now refers to me as Princess. This is amusing as I am not a very “Princess” kind of woman, but he is respectful and loving and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

One of the chaps at work calls me 'mate'. I hate it. He's a nice bloke but we're not mates. I won't mention it to him though. It's just not worth it. YADNU.

It probably would bug me yes but wouldn't really think much more of it than in the moment with a bit of an internal eye roll. It is likely they do it with everyone I would think. Only thing you can do is tell them and then again if they are continuing to call you it despite you saying you don't want them to as you have made your boundary clear but seems a bit OTT 🤷🏼‍♀️ Would prefer it to darlin' or hun or love or any other condescending, patronising 💩😂

I have often used mate and now with the pronoun issues mate is beautifully gender neutral.

This would annoy me too but I would just roll with it.

If it's good enough for Kate Fleming and Steve Arnott then it is good enough for me and my work bestie.

Interesting question.

I think you answered your own question, OP.

"I think it’s only used to create a false sense of camaraderie and friendship when there isn’t one.
I also think it triggers me because I think that the only people who use it with me are people I dislike or where there’s been a bit of tension. kind of similar to prefacing any comment ‘with all due respect…’"

I was going through colleagues in my head and with some of them, it sounds natural and sincere. (Similar to PP's light hearted comment re Australians).
Other colleagues, it feels disingenuous- like they're trying to create a dynamic that doesn't exist - which makes me feel they're trying to manipulate me into something. Think someone suddenly being super nice and giving you "what are you really after?' vibes.

It sounds to me (and I may be wrong) like you're interpreting a reason (correct or not) why your colleague calls you "mate" and that is what you are reacting to? Maybe someone with a genuinely open, friendly manner who you felt reasonably close to could take a cup of coffee from you and say "cheers mate" and you wouldn't even register it!

I have to admit that I had never thought about it until now when I thought "why do i not like it when A does it but don't mind when B does?" and realised that (in my case) it's the person and their perceived motive - not the word.

If you openly object to being referred to as 'mate', behind your back you'll be referred to using somewhat less polite terms.