Am I missing the funny side of this?

[TealandAbnee]

My mum has form for making a certain comment which I really find toe-curling, degrading and inappropriate.

Last night telling her about a house I might put an offer on, she said "just make sure you don't end up setting up shop on a street corner to pay for it."

She had already made a similar comment earlier in the day on a text message, so when she said it again on the phone, I told her I can't stand her saying that. She said 'it's a joke'.

Is this an old throwaway joke that i just don't get? For reference she is 70.

It stings a little, as when I split from my partner a few years ago, she said "how will you manage?" And I said "I'll get a job" and she said "what will you do, sell yourself?"

It really hurt me when I was trying to be strong despite being at a very low ebb.

I just don't get the comment but I'm willing to accept I may be being overly sensitive if that's the general consensus.

Thanks

It's unkind and unnecessary. She's being cruel and it isn't funny.

That’s a very bizzare and cruel sense of humour.

No, it’s not appropriate at all and even worse from your Mum. Her filter must be broken, if she’s anything like my Mum she’ll get worse as she gets older. I wouldn’t find it funny either

I’d just respond with “you seem to be obsessed with streetwalkers, is there something in your past that you want to talk about?”

This!

It's not a joke I've heard before, but willing to admit I haven't heard all the jokes.

I've had it said to me plenty by a certain demographic as well.

I don't think she means any harm by it and its just thoughtless on her part rather than nasty, even though its sexist, rude, and not funny, but she absolutely should stop now that you've said you dislike it.

Her reply to you being upset is awful as well. If I inadvertently said something to one of my kids I would apologise immediatly, not dismissing as a joke.

Ok thank you.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who would find it hurtful although I suspected I wouldn't be.

She wouldn't say it to my brother that's for sure.

She said to me once 'I hope you're not Stuffing your face with cake, going to end up looking like a roly-poly on your wedding day and embarrass me in front of my friends,"

And when I was younger, about 19 she said the fact I stayed overnight at my bf's was shameful for the family and did I have to be round there overnight 'spreading my legs'.

So this isn't the first time she has simultaneously shocked me and made me feel shame with her comments.

She is a great person in so many ways and I love her very much but I'm just over these comments.

She used to say when I'd finished uni and was job-hunting, "why don't you just get to mcdonalds and be done with it?"

She's said to my daughter, "your hair looks like you've been dragged through a hedge etc...obviously very tame compared to the rest but just reminds me of always being made to feel a shambles when I was young.

It's a take on an old saying that women use to say as a joke about themselves. In the 1800s when sailors were at sea it was known that when they docked they would go and find a woman and pay for sex. I know an elderly lady who when she had a large bill to pay said to me, "well I'll have to try my luck down the docks tonight".

Your mum probably thinks she is being funny but it is at your expense so I wouldn't be happy.

Your mum is awful and I would limit how much you and your dd are exposed to her.

She will be making worse comments to dd when you’re not in earshot.

Protect yourself and dd and tell her to shut up and minimise contact.

OK, these are a lot worse than the sex-worker jokes to be honest.

She's not the type to make comments out of earshot. They just don't always land too well, bit always said directly.

My mum is a good and kind person. She just says things from time to time that I can't fathom.

I thought it must be based on some archaic old joke. Not excusing it but the context makes more sense.

Id have no time for this.

I would literally say things like
"are you suggesting I prostitute myself?"
"Why would you say that?"
"What is wrong with you?"
"Stop being so unpleasant... No one wants to listen to it"

And if she got offended I'd say"YOU'RE offended? The only one who should be offended is me. I'm offended your implying I'm a prostitute... Unless you want to apologise there's nothing more to say"

My mum is 70 and would NEVER say anything remotely like this 🥴🥴🥴🥴
Agree with others it's a putdown and she doesn't sound very" lovely" at all....

She doesn't sound kind, she sounds like she wants to put you down at important times in your life. Putting you in your place when something good is happening for you. That isn't kind in the slightest.

I suspect your mother is lovely, as long as she feels in control. When you are doing well she needs to make a nasty comment.
People who are good and kind don't treat you like that.

I'm sorry as I know it's your DM but she doesn't sound d like a good and kind person

Once she started on my DD I'd be cutting back on contact or your poor DD will end up feeing the things you're feeling now

Just ask her stop with the comments as you don't like them.

I'm sure she doesn't mean to hurt your feelings.

I could have written this myself. When you are small you were to be bragged about. Now you are older you are serious competition.
What I am trying to say that your Mum like mine is an insecure woman and needs to belittle you to make herself feel better.
Unfortunately the only way to deal with this is to not be in contact as much.
Have you considered the grey rock technique?
Also the stately homes thread may be useful x

Does she put others (women?) down to feel better about herself?

Why would she ever mention her daughter prostituting herself?

Weird!

What's her background? Does she come from a background/area where that was a common way for single women to support their families?
It certainly would be more common in some.groups, and openly discussed in some, but very much kept secret in others.
Before women were widely able to get an eduction and work in any job it was probably the only way for many women to survive if they didn't have a partners income.

Doesn’t matter whether she means it as a joke or not, it’s degrading and misogynistic. It suggests the only marketable skill she thinks women have is getting fucked. I bet she doesn’t ask men if they’re going to be rent boys.

Spoken: "It's a joke"
Reply: "Next time be funny"

She is very sexist and mysoginistic. Men provide and women need to look good and look after the men. It is partly generational, but not everyone of her age thinks like that

My mum is a bit like that, believes men are better than women and can't comprehend that me and my sister are just as educated and have the same earning potential as our DHs

Me and my mates have a similar joke about joining OnlyFans, maybe you could tell your mum that’s your plan!

Yep - I've got a family member like this. Always feels better when putting someone else down. Often me. Until I wouldn't stand for it anymore. Haven't heard from them in years now - thankfully.