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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think there should be some sort of penalty for people who pull out of buying a house for crappy reasons?

109 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 30/01/2024 00:38

DH and I live in a tiny (c. 700 sq ft) 2 bedroom flat. With our three DC- 4, 2 and 3 months. We first put the flat on the market early last summer, got a “cash buyer” pretty quickly and had an offer accepted on a house that was completely perfect for us. However, our buyer turned out to be more full of shit than a Glastonbury long drop and it all fell apart before we’d even got a memorandum of sale.

Meanwhile, prices continue to plummet, we end up taking £25k off our asking price. Eventually accepted an offer from a lovely elderly lady who came to view the place with her son, daughter and son in law. She was downsizing from a 2 up 2 down and didn’t have a buyer yet but we accepted the offer as by this point I was very heavily pregnant, and we didn’t want the hassle of viewings etc whilst trying to prepare for a baby/deal with a newborn. Plus we liked her and the flat is perfect for her- a good size, its own little patio, quiet neighbourhood, bus stop outside with a route to town centre and supermarket.

She eventually finds a buyer, we get a memo of sale and start looking. Found a place recently, made an offer, it’s accepted and we get the ball rolling. Hoping for a quick transaction as we’re desperate to get out of the home that’s way too small for us, and our vendors are in a hurry as they’re moving for a job promotion/relocation that’s in danger of being withdrawn if they can’t move.

Until today. Buyer asked to come and see the flat again last week, no real reason given, just to have another look. My spidey senses start tingling but DH said we had no real reason not to let her so we go through all the faff of getting it looking like it isn’t lived in by a family with a 4 and 2 year old and a newborn (this mostly involves using our cars for storage). It turns out this time she’s brought her other daughter with her who wasn’t here at the first viewing- and this daughter, according to the EA, spent the entire time being rude, slagging the place off, and said if her mum wanted to buy it they might as well put her in a home (EA later spoke to buyer’s son who said that sounded fairly typical of her). Apparently buyer was saying she liked it, she wanted to buy it, and she’d given us our word and wasn’t going to pull out for no reason.

Except today, that’s exactly what she’s done. She’s pulled out of buying our place and also of selling her own. By the sounds of it her daughter has spent the whole weekend working on her, saying she should just have her house adapted instead etc etc. The EA obviously did his best (buyer’s house was listed with them too so he’s lost two sales in one go) but it’s dead in the water, just like that. I cried, my DH cried, our vendors too were apparently devastated when the news reached them and our buyer’s buyer was also said to be mightily pissed off.

I just feel so angry, and sad, and worried. We need to get out of this flat. Our DC need to be able get more than a few feet away from each other - they fight and scream constantly and my and DH’s nerves are in shreds. And basically thanks to one stroppy bitch who clearly had more than half an eye on her inheritance, the plans of 3 families including at least 5 children have gone to crap, not to mention three months and thousands of pounds already wasted in the process. But our buyer just walks away scot free.

OP posts:
TigerJoy · 30/01/2024 00:56

I'm so sorry. That's an absolute nightmare.

I assume you were just approaching exchange?

ChedderGorgeous · 30/01/2024 00:58

Could you afford to rent and sell

CrotchetyQuaver · 30/01/2024 01:14

I'm so sorry you're going through this we had similar last year selling my late parents house. We were further on with the process than you, they pulled out at the point of exchange after we'd nearly killed ourselves clearing and cleaning the house for them, had a second timewaster buyer who strung us along for 3 months and then pulled out, but 3rd time was the charm and a dream buyer came along at full asking price, cash buyer, own house already sold complete the sale asap, which happened in 5 1/2 weeks. Meantime original buyer who messed us around was still hovering in the background regretting their choices making slightly ridiculous proposals to rent the house for a couple of years at not a lot then potentially buy 2 years down the line at even less. I got quite a lot of satisfaction from sending the email saying sorry mate, too late you missed the boat and we've got a gold plated buyer now.
Some people are just like that, you have to hope someone treats them (ie the daughter) the same way at some point.

Good luck with your house hunting, another one will be along in due course

doilooklikeicare · 30/01/2024 01:27

It's shit ...... but you've got to keep going.

People are so fucking flakey!

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 30/01/2024 01:29

Isn't retention of the deposit the penalty or did you even get that far?

doilooklikeicare · 30/01/2024 01:30

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 30/01/2024 01:29

Isn't retention of the deposit the penalty or did you even get that far?

That's after exchange of contracts, don't think it got that far. 😔

holycrabsticks · 30/01/2024 01:32

Oh OP, I'm so sorry. It's gutting isn't it.

We've just been through the same. Currently on our 4th set of buyers.

1st ones pulled out because they couldn't get the mortgage amount needed despite having a mortgage in principle. They say on this information for 4 weeks without telling us, it was only when we contacted them through the EA to ask if they wanted xyz from the house that they told us. By this point we had already offered on our dream home onward purchase, paid £800 to a solicitor, paid £400 for the survey etc etc.

Onward purchase liked us and said they would wait for us to find a new buyer. great.

2nd set pulled our after 6 hours, they changed their mind after offering.

3rd set lasted 3 weeks before returning to bloody China. Apparently they made the call when they were actually in the airport.

Our onward purchase couldn't wait any longer and put our perfect house back on the market.

A week later our 4th set of buyers offered, they are lovely, FTB, very keen, no red flags, and our highest offer yet. We were able to reoffer on the dream home again which was accepted so we're back on for now.

its been a horrendous journey. I'm traumatised.

hope you get another buyer very soon.

Pacificisolated · 30/01/2024 01:50

The British house purchase system is absolutely appalling.
Where I live now you make an offer, if it’s accepted you pay a deposit and sign the contract immediately. The contract is generally subject to a building and pest inspection and finance so you can still pull out and get your deposit back if the inspector finds the house to be ravaged by termites or the bank refuses you a mortgage. BUT you usually only get two weeks to sort all that out and then the contract is unconditional and as standard settles within 30 days of the offer. If you’re selling a property to buy another you can sometimes tee up the settlement dates to fall on the same day but it’s not an absolute requirement as it seems to be in the UK. If you sell your house and your new house hasn’t settled yet you stick your stuff in storage and stay with friends and family or an airbnb while you wait. No one here complains about how incredibly stressed they are when moving house because things move swiftly and the actions of one person don’t ruin it for countless families.

AlreadyDropped · 30/01/2024 06:11

What a pain, hope you get another buyer soon. I wouldn’t recommend accepting an offer from someone who isn’t proceedable- just adds a lot of time and risk, better to stay on the market.

StanSaid · 30/01/2024 07:13

It's not just the buyers who do this, but the seller too.
My son put an offer in on a house which was accepted. He had the survey and checks done which cost him a fortune, then right at the last minute, the seller pulled out and took the house off the market, leaving him unable to look for another property for a while because all the money had been spent on that.
Some people are twats.

DisforDarkChocolate · 30/01/2024 07:16

That's bloody awful but I also feel for your buyer who is being bullied.

Flickersy · 30/01/2024 07:18

It's tough, I get it.

But it's not personal, it's just business. And who would get go decide what a "crappy" reason is?

Teeheehee1579 · 30/01/2024 07:20

Yes I totally agree with you - I think an immediate deposit should have to be paid and a legal agreement to cover all costs that the other party has incurred to the point they pulled out plus potentially any evidential drop in the market value of your house. Obviously there would have to be some caveats to this. I think the system is absolutely dreadful.

ZsaZsaTheCat · 30/01/2024 07:30

I agree the English system is fraught with stress, it’s not for everyone but when I move now I sell and go into rented before buying again. It’s more hassle and costly but MUCH less stressful and you cannot put a price on MH 🤷🏼‍♀️
I do think you however YABU to keep banging on about how small your place is -sounds like you had a 3rd kid before even getting the ball rolling on moving 🤔

TomeTome · 30/01/2024 07:35

Until they put down deposits it’s just so much hot air. You should continue showing the property and be “on the market”. What’s really happened here is in a falling market you’ve had two people show interest but not put any money in. It’s not surprising but don’t lose hope things should start moving soon.

NeedToChangeName · 30/01/2024 07:40

Pacificisolated · 30/01/2024 01:50

The British house purchase system is absolutely appalling.
Where I live now you make an offer, if it’s accepted you pay a deposit and sign the contract immediately. The contract is generally subject to a building and pest inspection and finance so you can still pull out and get your deposit back if the inspector finds the house to be ravaged by termites or the bank refuses you a mortgage. BUT you usually only get two weeks to sort all that out and then the contract is unconditional and as standard settles within 30 days of the offer. If you’re selling a property to buy another you can sometimes tee up the settlement dates to fall on the same day but it’s not an absolute requirement as it seems to be in the UK. If you sell your house and your new house hasn’t settled yet you stick your stuff in storage and stay with friends and family or an airbnb while you wait. No one here complains about how incredibly stressed they are when moving house because things move swiftly and the actions of one person don’t ruin it for countless families.

@Pacificisolated the english system sounds awful

Don't know about Wales / NI

The scottish system works just fine

NeedToChangeName · 30/01/2024 07:44

OP, I feel for you

Next time, could you continue to market your house whilst progressing the sale? To give a message "don't take me for granted. I'm not committed to this until you are"

Or, sell, rent, then buy?

fonfusedm · 30/01/2024 07:44

The British house purchase system is absolutely appalling

it is but I don’t think enough want it to change

Pottedpalm · 30/01/2024 07:55

Who is to decide what is a valid reason?
We once pulled out of a purchase quite late on as the vendor wouldn’t agree to a moving date. We had agreed with our purchasers and the house we were moving to was empty, they had moved out months previously but had a few items of furniture left and wanted to move them out before we moved in…. but not yet. We offered to move the stuff for them.. it was a couple of chests and a bookcase.. and the estate agent also offered but no dice. We couldn’t ask our buyers to wait any longer as they needed to get in and settled before term started.

MintTwirl · 30/01/2024 08:01

Who decides what a valid reason is? The son in your situation could have an eye on an early inheritance once mum moved so encouraged the purchase and maybe the daughter sees that and has valid points about the flats suitability for her mum?
I imagine it’s a nightmare having 3 kids in a tiny space but that was a choice you made. I do hope you find somewhere soon.

Minion21 · 30/01/2024 08:09

Sorry, OP, I don't agree. What do you know about the real reasons the potential buyer pull out? Who decides that your circumstances are more important than theirs? You? Buying a property is an important decision, it involves a lot of money Maybe not in your case, but in general the potential buyer generally incurs in legal, survey costs etc. too. This is even before incurring in a penalty, should they pull out after the contracts have been exchanged. Before that point, there's nothing legally binding them and it's only fair. It takes time to have all your surveys done and nobody should be rushed to spend a lot of money on a property only because the seller is in a rush. Good luck from now on anyway

ThreeTreeHill · 30/01/2024 08:11

I would say that's a valid reason though, wanting to stay in your own house. You don't know any of these people, you've painted the daughter as some villain but it could equally be the son wanting an early inheritance. It could be the daughter knows her mother well and has other worries about the house move.

And why is the EA speaking to the buyers son anyway?

It is very difficult and upsetting when a sale falls through but I've seen in happen both ways, with sellers pulling out last minute just as often. At the end of the day you chose to have 3 children while living in a flat

Alltheprettyseahorses · 30/01/2024 08:11

A crappy reason to one person is a valid reason to another. Plus someone can make up a polite excuse for withdrawing from a sale when it's really down to massive structural problems or something. I also think that taking her more outspoken daughter with her this time means she had concerns she felt too shy to express.

Pottedpalm · 30/01/2024 08:14

Also, it’s a bit much labelling the daughter a ‘stroppy bitch’ for not falling in with your plans. It’s not her problem that you chose to have three children in a tiny, unsuitable flat.

Cornflakelover · 30/01/2024 08:22

My son is buying
huge deposit FTB
the sellers have been a pain in the ass
the first house they were buying has solar panels so due to problem with this they couldn’t buy
they initially said any problems they would move out as they own the house next door
then they said they can’t do that as porting mortgage

they offered on another house managed to rush it through

my son said he can’t move till April due to the fact that he signed for another six months ( he’s on a scheme so had to do this)

now they have said they want to move / exchange in two weeks otherwise they will have to apply for an extension
which they would have known about ages ago

So my son said fine I’ll pull out I’m not paying 3k in rent

all of a sudden they can get an extension and April is fine 😂