Is my friend BU with her will?

[Thunderfeelthethunder]

My friend has been sorting out her will and I think she’s being unreasonable about it.

She’s got three adult children. One of them has one child, another has three children, and the third adult doesn’t have kids (not through choice). She thinks it’s unlikely any of them will have more children in the future.

She plans to split whatever she’s got equally into seven, so each of her children and each of her grandchildren get an equal amount. Say it’s £10k each. That means the adult-child with three children will inherit so much more than the childless one.

If I were one of her children, I’d be upset by the perceived unfairness. Am I being overly sensitive to worry about the childless kid losing out?

When my mum spoke to the solicitor about doing something like this the solicitor strongly advised against it. They said it was much fairer to just equally divide the money between her children and ignore any grandchildren.

It's true I think, it would lead to ill feeling between the siblings otherwise.

It's really none of your business what your friend does with her money and her will.

My parent's will is split 50% between me and my siblings, and 50% between any grandchildren. Half to one generation, half to the next.

I don’t see any problems with what your friend is doing. The only proviso I would put on the will , is that if there are any more grandchildren born, they are included in the will. As far as your friend is concerned, her grandchildren are part of her family, not just her children.

The adult child with three kids won't inherit more than anyone else as the money is for the children themselves 🙄

This

Can't find the part in the post where you explain how it's anything to do with you. Did i miss it?

When my h grandfather died he left 3/12ths to be given to my two children. I was pregnant with my third so took the cheque to the bank and asked it to be split into three as baby had been born by then. No issue and it felt very clear what his hope had been.

Probably easier for them.

My FIL recently died and he left the same amount to his two children then a different amount but the same as each other to the grandchildren. No one is traumatised.

Only problem with that is if the grandparent dies, their bequest to 'the grandchildren' is distributed, split equally, and then another grandchild(ren) is subsequently born later.

They not only don't get to meet and spend time with their grandparent(s), unlike the others; but they also get nothing from them.

Then, that potentially kicks the can down the road, as the parents might feel the need to split their will to take account of the money that the younger grandchild missed out on, to even things up.

Although, if there's a long time between the deaths of the GPs and of the parents, as would normally be the case, do the parents adjust for inflation and/or for the actual or potential increase in the value of the money that the older GC received/what they bought with it? How on earth does it all end?

Catty. Do you never discuss or contemplate things that happen to other people and consider how you would feel IF you were any of the people concerned?

Do you go through life in a tunnel and never think at all about anybody else's circumstances if you aren't directly involved yourself?

So by your logic, if you are a grandchild with one sibling, you should receive half of what a grandchild with no siblings would receive. How is that fair?

Fair by what definition? All the children are receiving the same.

Also, wills don't have to be fair. So even if this was unfair (I don't personally think it is), it's not really the solicitor's business is it? Surely they write "unfair" wills all the time, where someone has decided for some spurious reason to reduce one child's inheritance or something.

My DM did not share equally - left a bitter taste about DM and the one who got more than others.
I’m sure all the magnanimous MN posters who are happy about unfairness will be along to condemn my unreasonableness.
But when it comes to siblings I would say treat all equally.

Well obviously it matters if the will is fair. Otherwise you are setting your children up for jealousy and upset, damaging their relationships after you have died. So fine to be unfair if you don't care about their happiness and just want to make a point. Otherwise you should split fairly.

Fair is either split 3 ways between the adult children, or a set proportionately small amount for each grandchild (few k perhaps) but the bulk split between the adult children.

Surely the adult children know what's best for their own grandchildren and will help them financially when the time is right, out of their own money.

I don't think it's fair to substantially reduce an inheritance just because a sibling had children. It's bound to cause problems especially as the childless person is not by choice and has probably suffered enough already.

No one is suggesting that though are they. Leaving equally to the 3 siblings lets them pass it onto their children as they see fit. They chose to have 3 children knowing that resources will be spread more thinly.

But the siblings are being treated equally, they are getting the same.

Would people feel it was equally unfair if the siblings were getting the same as each other (but less than if they were the only recipients) and the "extra" was going to a charity, rather than to grandchildren? Or to a niece/nephew they were close to? Or to a godchild they're very close to?
The outcome for each child is the same, they each get £X amount. Each child's "share" is being reduced because of their mother's wish to leave money to someone other than just her children. But each child still receives the same as their siblings.

My opinion would be different if the siblings were getting different amounts based on the number of children they have, but they're not. The money is going directly to the grandchildren.

@ShoePalaver I agree, I just meant from the point of view of the solicitor. Wills don't need to fair, legally. So I'm surprised a solicitor was fussed to say "well this isn't a fair way to do it".

I can see why someone would want to do this.

If you know your granchildren, you would want to help them. Life is hard. And maybe she feels happier that her adult children are ok.

Why are you so concerned about your friends will? I actually think that's really sir that each family member gets an equal amount.

We've done very similar in our own will as it's now about individual family money but 'individuals'.

There’s two ways of looking at this, the first as others have pointed out is that no one is missing out and no one gains more, it’s an even split between all family members.

the other way (and way my own parents have chosen) is that as parents, they chose how many children to have and therefore have chosen to split evenly between the offspring they chose. Their own children’s life choices (aka to have their own children) should not negatively impact the division of inheritance for their offspring who did not have children.

Absolutely none of your business. Glad you're not my friend.

But surely the op knows because her friend has discussed it with her and asked her opinion?
I sometimes canvas other peoples view on case there is something I haven’t considered,

I think it’s fine, the money is being gifted to each individual not by family, but I would tell my kids so they were aware that if they were planning on having kids they need to tell me.

my sibling and I have between 0-3 kids each, none of us would begrudge any of the kids getting a gift from a grandparent in their will, it makes it clear how they want their money to be distributed, theres no guarantee that your grandchildren will benefit from money left to their parents.

I remember that thread.

It's funny how people perceive inheritance, especially when the persons whose money you are discussing are still alive. I mean they might need care and rinse through any monies they have.