Is my friend BU with her will?

[Thunderfeelthethunder]

My friend has been sorting out her will and I think she’s being unreasonable about it.

She’s got three adult children. One of them has one child, another has three children, and the third adult doesn’t have kids (not through choice). She thinks it’s unlikely any of them will have more children in the future.

She plans to split whatever she’s got equally into seven, so each of her children and each of her grandchildren get an equal amount. Say it’s £10k each. That means the adult-child with three children will inherit so much more than the childless one.

If I were one of her children, I’d be upset by the perceived unfairness. Am I being overly sensitive to worry about the childless kid losing out?

I think that doing anything other than splitting the bulk of your estate between your children, without good reason, can ultimately damage relationships and sour memories - so it isn't something I would do lightly.

It is more usual to give grandchildren smaller amount, if any. I think 30% to each child and then 10% to be split equally amongst the grandchildren (so currently 2.5% each) would be less contentious but still more than most grandchildren would directly receive. Even 20% to the children and 40% (10%) each to the grandchildren would have the potential to be called 'unfair'.

Ultimately though, her money her business of course...

Why has she told you?
If she’s asked you want you think, tell her.

I would split it equally between the three children, but inheritance is a difficult topic and we all have different views.

Not what I’d do but not crazy either.

As long as you don’t do what my MiL did and leave a £10K gift to every grandchild except one that she didn’t like (he was about 14 so it’s not a case of an adult who’d done something to deserve it). (Parents gave him £10K from their inheritance and haven’t told him.)

I suppose it’s unfair because the childless sibling is having their share of family money reduced by the existence of their nieces and nephews. I wouldn’t do it that way myself but it’s not outrageous to.

Can't see the issue. If you're worried about more kids being born can't she add a caveat to say slipt equally between all surviving children and grandchildren?

My mum was going to do this as she felt my DB kids wouldn't see any benefit but my childless sister (not through choice) would have gone mad. I gently pointed out it would make her feel punished for not having had kids and she already has a chip on her shoulder over it and would damage any relationship going forward with the rest of her siblings (and it absolutely would have - my sister is very bitter on a normal day !)

She's changed it now to give each grandchild £5k and the remaining balance between her children.

Yeah, I’m confused, is she leaving the money to the grandchildren directly or to the parents (her kids), in the expectation that they will pass it on? If she’s leaving it to the grandchildren and parents directly I can’t really see the issue TBH.

I'm not sure why you've made a thread on this, it's none of your business. I can only assume you're perhaps the third adult in the situation?

I've seen exactly this situation in my family - it caused a lot of resentment and bad feeling, that has not been resolved. There's extra gnarliness because all the children were executors, but only the childless one actually did any of the donkey work of getting the estate sorted out.

Surely the childless child will get the same. The money given to each grandchild is for THEM, their parents can't get their hands on it.

Not your circus, not your Monkeys! Basically none of your business, she can leave it all to whoever she wants!

On the flip side, if she doesn't do this, the grandkids won't get anything and the family with 5 people will need to stretch the money further Vs the family with one person

It's a relatively small amount of money, so i think it's fine. Giving everyone £10k will help the younger ones put money towards a deposit or buy a car, whilst the older ones can use it for something nice. Everyone gets £10k to remember her by.

My Granny did this - she hadn't told everyone so it was a nice surprise to the grandchildren.
My Dad huffed the puffed as one of his brothers had more kids so got 'more' but it really didn't feel like that to me.
It felt very fair that she had divided her modest estate between her children and her grandchildren equally. None of the grandchildren were children - all adults.

But it's not "their share". You may as well be annoyed that "your share" is reduced because your parents had 7 children rather than just you.

Why is this a problem?

How about people start being thankful that they are inheriting anything rather than squabbling over how unfair it is that they don't get a bigger cut.

Always amazes me that anyone thinks they have a right to someone else’s money once they’ve gone.

Any inheritance is a thoughtful gesture and the recipient should be grateful for what is essentially a bonus, not a human right.

She could have just split it 4 ways between the 4 DGC.

The childless DC will pass her assets to her nieces/nephews when she dies surely so why the animosity now?

Stay out of it

My mother viewed it as my brother and I were both set up in nice houses and with good jobs, my brother had kids and I didn’t so left him everything with a view that it would go to the grandchildren. I eventually had kids in my 40s which my mother could never have foreseen.
I don’t think I’ve ever got over that my worth to her seemed in to be the grandkids I hadn’t produced. Or that my kids won’t benefit from the hundreds of thousands she left my brothers.

Surely they all get the same, the money that goes to the adults with children is the same, they will have to keep the money for the grandkids separate.

Are you the adult child with no children by any chance

It just shows who sees children as independent people in their own right and who sees them as extensions of their parents doesn't it?

Siblings all get the same.
Grandchildren all get the same.

I don't see how money left to other people is unfair on siblings who all got the same amount.

That's one benefit of only leaving money/assets to your children. You know that, once you die, you will never have any more children (unless you're a man whose wife is pregnant when you die, but you would probably be aware of the baby(ies) on his/her way anyway).