Is my friend BU with her will?

[Thunderfeelthethunder]

My friend has been sorting out her will and I think she’s being unreasonable about it.

She’s got three adult children. One of them has one child, another has three children, and the third adult doesn’t have kids (not through choice). She thinks it’s unlikely any of them will have more children in the future.

She plans to split whatever she’s got equally into seven, so each of her children and each of her grandchildren get an equal amount. Say it’s £10k each. That means the adult-child with three children will inherit so much more than the childless one.

If I were one of her children, I’d be upset by the perceived unfairness. Am I being overly sensitive to worry about the childless kid losing out?

Its equal to each person though, so fair in the grand scheme of things. 🤔but not really your business

We once heard of the opposite scenario to this happening.

Grandfather with three sons:
Son 1 - married with 2 children;
Son 2 - married with 2 children;
Son 3 - single, no children.

He decided to split his will 9 ways between all of his DSs, DILs and GC.

Son 3 - a very kind, extremely unselfish soul - thought this was a great, fair idea, even though it effectively left him with a third of the share that he would have had, had it been split the more usual way, equally just between the actual children.

Son 1, on the other hand, complained about how very unfair this was, as HE personally was also 'only' getting a third of what he could have had if split the 'usual' way. He would actually have preferred to get a third of the money for himself rather than his family get 4/9 in total.

The alternative view on son 1 though is if money is tight and you are stressing about bills, mortgage, keeping a roof over your kids heads then it seems bonkers as a parent that the money has bypassed you and is sitting in accounts for your kids when you are stressed up to the eyeballs trying to keep the wolf from the door.

Her money, her children, her choice.

Very true - and this is another reason why (imho) it makes more sense to leave your money directly to your own children.

However, he wasn't making noises about needing the money for bills; more moaning about how unfair he believed it was. He is the kind of person who would often 'look after' himself first.

I'd have been really upset if my mum had done what the Mum is doing in the OP.

My Mum divided it equally between her 4 children. I'm the childless one, one sibling has one child, one has 2 and one has 4.

The reality is that the money I inherited from my mum will eventually go to my nieces and nephews along with anything they inherit from their parents.

I understand where you are coming from, the child with no children, is receiving less than they would have done had it been split between the adult children only. We have 2 grandchildren currently, and this is from only two of our four children however if wanted to leave money to them we would deduct it from what the DGC parent would have had, that to me seems the fair way to do it, then the childless siblings are not being penalised. I don't know what some parents are thinking when they prepare their wills, they could leave so much resentment and unanswered questions behind them.

First off YABU for even commenting on your friends decision that has nothing to do with you and in no way impacts you (unless you’re actually one of the children and even then you have no say). The child with more children will not inherit more than the child with no children because the money will go to the grandchild, yes they have more going in the household but it’s not all for 1 person

The money is being split equally between the people who she wants to leave it to. Thats fair, and her decision. She can leave it to the bloody neighbours if she wants to because its her money. Inheritance is not a right and anything left to you is a bonus. The childless sibling is being treated exactly the same as her siblings, as the money left to grandchildren wont have anything to do with their parents. Its nobody elses business what people do with their own money

I don't think it's actually 10k, that's just a figure used as an example.
I think it's best in the absence of any strange goings-on to follow the usual patterns for inheritance - which in this case would be to split between your three dds. What they do next is up to them.

Its none of your business. Its her money and her choice (unless she is in Scotland).

@Thunderfeelthethunder I feel it should be divided equally between the offspring, not the grandchildren! the way your friend is thinking is devaluing the life of the childless offspring meaning that they have not put children on the planet so are worth less!!

I think it's ok to sensitively ask her how she thinks the split may impact on the childless daughter. The childless daughter may not mind if independently wealthy but it's possible the mother hasn't really thought it through. It may be something that she could discuss with this daughter before changing the will. Of course the mother can do what she likes with her money but yeah it could have a big emotional impact on the childless daughter and even impact on the family relationships.

How is it devaluing the life of the childless offspring? She’s getting the same as her siblings are.

The grandchildren are people in their own right - their parents don’t benefit from their children inheriting something (or at least they shouldn’t)

I think your friend is sensible.

I'd want to know my grandkids were set up after I'd gone. I'm presuming the kids are all OK.

In fact, if I thought my kids were all doing alright, I'd be inclined to just go straight to grandkids tbh.

But why would you presume that her children were all ok, and didn't need an inheritance safety net themselves?

@Sunsetboardwalk I would like to think I'd know my own kids' situation well enough to know one way or the other whether they needed the money.

It's entirely up to her how she divides her estate. It has nothing to do with you. Sorry

If they have no kids then you won't be losing out, children cost money. (the money goes to the kids, not the parent), so I doubt there's anything grossly unfair in it really.
Why do you care so much about the childless person? Are they your friend, are they having financial issues, MH problems, housing problems?
It really isn't your place to be bothered either way to be honest. You wouldn't like a friend criticising your choices in your will would you?

I think it's a miserable way if dividing up an estate.

Is the ‘friend’ actually your Mum? Or you?

if you inherit exactly the same amount as your siblings like in this case would you be upset?

I mean YABU if you plan to get involved - you know it's not your biz.

But I think it sews the seeds of a big fat argument in your friends family after she's gone. It's a terrible legacy.

Just split by 4 with a quarter to be shared by any grandchildren? Then if a happy surprise occurs, everyone's covered & the grandkids get something but that part of the family doesn't get excessively more than the others.

My GM did this - obviously the parts.of the family with 3 kids who had all had 3 kids got tonnes more than us, but it felt fair.

To me it's fair, as it's per person, which means everyone gets the same. Not being rude, but it's not really any of your business, unless she asked for an opinion?

I had a similar situation where my mum wanted to leave a third to each of her two kids and the remaining third to my brothers two children and it really upset me - it felt like I was being devalued simply because I hadn’t managed to carry a child full term. She did change it to 50/50 apart from a smaller gift to the grandkids and to my sister in law and my husband but in my situation my niece and nephew will inherit from me and my husband and I’ve helped both through university so it’ll end up theirs anyway just via a different route