Picking up teen DD16

[Flyhigher]

DD 16 says I have to text when I arrive to pick her up in such a rude way. She berated me over it.

Question - does everyone text to say they have arrived to pick up their DC's?

Even it's bang on the agreed time?
Husband says yes.

I do a lot of the time. But this time I said 6pm. Arrived at 6pm didn't text.

Was I reasonable or not?

Which is fine if wherever they are is within walking distance.

Living rurally with winding roads with no pavements or street lighting walking wasn't an option for DD.

I am with you OP. You said you'd be there at 6. You were there at 6. No need for all this redundant texting. If you had texted, she probably would have complained you were rushing her or something 😀

Yes I do this too. I text when I arrive saying, "I'm here."

It's unnecessary to have to answer for 'I'm outside ', 'OK see you in a min'. Intrusive if the person is talking to someone else. In my day we'd ring two rings then hang up to avoid the cost of a text or a call.

I share live location on WhatsApp when I leave the house to pick up DD otherwise she pesters me for updates! Although we live rurally and lifts tend to be longer.

I always text that I’m on my way and another text when I’m there! DS still often makes me wait though especially if he’s at his GF’s house!

I need to do this!

I text to say I've arrived.

I think she's unreasonable in this case. It sounds like this wasn't a situation where you were picking her up from a car park and she needed to know where you'd parked, or a situation where the pick up time might be flexible. She knew, 10 mins before the agreed time (and presumably the end of her tutor session), that you would be there at 6. No reason at all why she can't look out of the window to see when you're there.

I might text in this situation, but I don't think it's unreasonable not to, and I wouldn't complain about it if someone didn't text.

Whether you should or shouldn't text is not the issue here.

If you don't text as standard but she'd prefer that you did then she can start a civilised conversation about it and explain why it's important to her. Then you can listen and most likely agree that it wouldn't be that difficult for you to text when you arrive.

I love my teenagers and I do make a lot of allowances for them but never for unnecessary rudeness, particularly aimed at me while I'm running around doing things for them.

What's so difficult about texting 'outside', 'downstairs' or 'by the fountain'?

Far more pleasant for anybody, rather than potentially hanging around on the street wondering when or where you'll be whilst random men in vans do nasty shit like shouting abuse or a weirdo pulls over and propositions her.

I think the fact you have a car and have therefore been insulated from just how creepy and unpleasant random males can be towards women and girls has led to you forgetting just how under siege and vulnerable a teenaged girl can feel without a pack of friends or a clear escape route.

It's easier to extricate yourself from a social situation if you can say 'oh, I've got a text from my mum, better go' so maybe that's why?

But yes I would text as I wouldn't want my daughter hanging out on street corners etc without needing to.

You could hit traffic or anything could happen? Surely you don't want her waiting outside without actually knowing you're there via a quick text

In that situation, yes I'd text her to say I'd arrived. Because it makes sense that she waits in her tutor's house until you are actually there and doesn't stand about in the street or wander round trying to find you if you've (e.g.) got caught in traffic.

If she's with a tutor, she's 16 and has another activity to get to I'd have thought you saying I'm leaving , be there is a few mins is fine. Surely the tutoring ends on time and she wants to get to the activity. If it was a party or a social meet up I'd likely text on arrival too as she'd be more likely to dilly dally and lose track of the time and I don't want to gang around. For the scenario you describe YANBU and she was pretty rude .

I text to say I’m there.

I am directly outside the tutors house.
It's not unsafe.

It's a very nice leafy area.

How do you turn location on in what's app.

@RampantIvy Yeah, you are not wrong some rural places you pretty much have to drive. Or use a bicycle perhaps? That would be an annoying place to grow up if you had to rely on others for transport until your late teens.

Because they’ve usually got their phones on silent and if they’re in the middle of doing something it’s easier to just look at their phones to see a message than to pick up the phone to answer it!
🤣🤣

But what does she do at the end of the lesson? Does she come straight outside, or is there a place to wait inside, or can she be stuck trying to get away from the tutor as another PP said?

@Bertiesmum3 Yes that's true. Phones on silent all the time.

I'd only text if I didn't know where to find them.
My texting is slow.
Stupid thing to get het about !

It's amazing isn't it how we all managed to be where we were told to be at the collection time pre mobiles 😂

Or how I remembered to leave my friends house at 6pm when my dad arrived instead of him needing to text me to make sure I could keep track of time and was outside. 🤷‍♀️

I'd just tell her that as you clearly can't meet the demands she has with regards how she wants collecting then she can catch the bus or train or walk and that'll solve her problem.

If she wants you to text, then it's really no skin off your nose to do so.

I would've said "sorry DD I didn't realise you were waiting for a text, I'll send one next time" and move on with my day. No need for all the drama.