Picking up teen DD16

[Flyhigher]

DD 16 says I have to text when I arrive to pick her up in such a rude way. She berated me over it.

Question - does everyone text to say they have arrived to pick up their DC's?

Even it's bang on the agreed time?
Husband says yes.

I do a lot of the time. But this time I said 6pm. Arrived at 6pm didn't text.

Was I reasonable or not?

What did she text you? That is the main point imo, her rudeness to you.

You texting is a side issue (yes, if I am picking the children up/ meeting someone, I usually text "I'm here") which your husband should not be excusing just because you didnt text her

Agreed on rudeness.
As I say I texted at 5.50 I was 5 minutes away.
I hate mobile phones. Teens shouldn't have them till 18!

I always texted my daughter to let her know I had arrived. If I hadn't, and I was licking her up from a party or someone's house, she would never have come out! Even then, I almost always had to wait in the car for her for at least ten minutes. I don't think I've ever got over the horror of my dad picking me up from a party when I was about 15 - I wasn't allowed to stay out late that night and he knocked on the door at 10.30 😆😆😆

I'm gen X and text all the time! It's free and I'd be sat in the car anyway so minimal effort really.

Start popping in when collecting from social events. She will absolutely be outside waiting bang on time.

Think I'm unreasonable then. It was 6pm from a tutors house.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Yesssss!!! Love it! It's a war isn't it!

Unfortunately she's great at controlling that with aggression too!

Always text snd say “outside”.

I text when I’ve arrived always
yabu

I think it's just adjusting to how phones have changed people's lives. It's all she knows. Pick your battles as there will be worse than this or else you have an amazing dd!!

I have a 16 year old (DS) I don’t text when I arrive. If we’ve arranged a time he should be there ( he usually is) On the odd occasion he’s late I give him 5 minutes then I text him.

Do what my dad used to do pre mobiles. Sit and toot his horn 😂

And no picking up from a tutor I wouldn't think to text I had arrived as surely they do their session and leave tutors house

I always text as I cannot park within sight of his friend's house due to double yellows. No biggie.

I'd do this then text 'here' from the car on arrival if there wasn't movement from the house or wherever. If it was somewhere I couldn't stop the car easily I'd have texted for them to wait outside at 6.

Surely she just adds your location on Snap maps and then she can see you’re there for herself? Gen X play Gen Z at their own game 😀

Seriously though… what’s the actual situation when you pick her up? If due to potential bad weather it’s normal for the tutor to let the child sit in their hall (we once had a violin teacher who let you let yourself out, so you weren’t out in the cold if parent was late) then we’d definitely have a pattern of texting, “here”.

I'm a millennial and my teen gen z and that's the first either of us have heard of that!

Yes I text
Why wouldn't I?

I don't wanting her waiting outside unnecessarily if I get held up for any reason, or waiting in the wrong place if no where to park outside.
I am not always bang on time or early.

DDs friend once spent an extra 45 minutes at our house waiting for her parent, looking out the window, checking her phone. She finally called him, he had been waiting outside but where we couldn't see it was his car for the whole 45 minutes.

I also expect her to text to tell me she got inside OK if I have to drop her a bit further away.

I haven't seen any actual evidence of her being rude....although yes 16yr old can be very rude...but OPs style is itself quite abrupt and lacks clarity.

Before mobile phones my parents knocked or came to the door/inside .....or else one of us waited for the other.

Don't understand the resentment of giving lifts to family members that don't drive. Why would I make anyone walk 20 minutes in the cold dark and rain when it's a 5 minute job to pick them up?

Does your teen use Snapchat? All my 15yo’s friends do. They frequent use the maps feature. We’ll be driving to a hockey match and mine will say, “Lily and Frankie are there, Chantelle’s about 5 mins away” - or some such report!

OK, but you shouldn't text when driving. So impossible to text (legally) that you are held up if you are held up.
I mean I have hit pot holes and got flat tires, got held up behind and accident, had to stop for petrol and found a huge queue! Lots of reasons for potentially being late.

Phones are there to make life easier.
My DDs club leaders/teachers often won't "let" them out until they know I am there....especially in winter.

Two issues here- ime it's absolutely normal to text "here".

Second issue- she was rude to you?! No need . You're doing her a favour.

So if you've arranged a lift and sat there like a lemon waiting and got angry at her non appearance- her response should not have been rude but rather "sorry mum- it was a misunderstanding, I'd expected you to text, as that's what dad / most people do. I didn't mean to inconvenience you. Thanks for the lift"

(But equally it is unusual that you didn't text. I'd not want my dd hanging around outside a party/ pub/ work in the dark waiting on me. I'd rather her stay inside until I am there)

Whenever I picked up my kids even they were teenagers I always texted ‘I’m here’ (or similar) upon arrival