Inheritance threads seriously wind me up......

[EveryoneEnviesMeEverywhere]

These types of threads are on many forums and articles I've read

AIBU when I am clearly stating that that the person/s leaving their assets behind to whoever is entitled to do as they so wish, EG, give the money away to a charity, their dog, the cat next door, their best friend, only give some of their children their money/etc and or not equally divide it

When I hear and or read about cases going to court, often one sibling against the other, it makes me so angry

If a person/s has mental the capacity as defined in law to make a Will, surely it is their choice and should never be challenged.

A nephew of mine recently complained to me about my sister(his mum) and his dad's Will means he'd get a lot less as things stand. My nephew had moaned to his parents and they told him that he was well settled, had a good job/pay and also had rental properties. I politely tried to make him see sense that regardless of what his parents had told him, in my judgment it istheir choice. My nephew was not happy with what I said.

The above comes with a caveat where disabled dependents may be left out of a Will as that is more complex. However, on the whole, it is as above

AIBU to robustly support the freedom of the assets holder/s to leave money to whoever, whatever they choose and no court should have the right to overturn this.

Probably not. It’s a different set of problems . In forced heirship jurisdictions, your only remedy is to give money to the good child whilst alive. It can be done on your deathbed, no 7 year rule to contend with. Your fraudster child scenario is rarer than the stepmother taking the lot and leaving it to her own kids issue
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OP, I couldn't agree with you more. Certainly in England, none of us are entitled to anything from our relatives. What baffles me is that people actually discuss this stuff when the (potential) deceased is still alive - just why?

I would have always said yanbu when I was young but look at eg a parent decides to sell house so that everyone gets a share and one of the dc always hoped it would live on in their family, or they leave money to the child who has no job so they can pick themselves up but nothing to the rest, or they only give to the person who has kids etc etc. easy to say their choice but if you’re the person on the other end I can see why people get bitter and see if anything can be done (all examples, since I’ve gotten older have seen so many examples of wills going bad!) so I think it’s a difficult one!!

And you think that would stop her feeling hurt?

Yes I do. Absolutely. If she understood and believed me, where's the hurt?

I agree with you.
However, I think when inheritance is going to be left unequally it works out more amicably when the person knows they are getting less beforehand.
I do feel sorry for the people who willingly sacrifice time/energy/their own life for elderly relatives then find the waster of the family who has done nothing to help inherits the most totally unexpectantly.

My mum's will absolutely favours me, entirely unfairly. As soon as I discovered that, I pledged to even it out on her death by giving my brother his share.

As it turns out all her money and the value of her house has gone on care over 10 years, but the important thing (for me) was that my brother knew back when she wrote the will, that I refused to benefit from blatant favouritism. But of course it didn't prevent him knowing that mum doesn't love him. And before anyone assumes differently (because he's a man) he's the one who lives locally to her, and has done, and continues to do everything for her. I'm the lucky one who lives two hours away.

My mum left things absolutely equally between my 3 siblings and I. All in different financial positions, all had a positive/ loving relationship with her but with varying degrees of closeness and whilst all of us helped her/ provided some support during her illness before she died, that burden was definitely unequally split. Also all received varying amounts of support - financial or otherwise - over the years. Also one of us l wasn’t actually blood related, kind of adopted but not even officially that. Never a question that the will would be anything other than an equal split 4 ways and nobody would ever expect anything different. Everyone was happy with that - although would have preferred mum spent all of it before she went (she had a good go bless her) and got all the enjoyment she could.

My in laws are pretty obsessively equal between DH and his brother too. BIL lives on the other side of the world and so obviously has less to do with in laws than we do. But absolutely anything they spend on DH or our DD they immediately make sure to do the same or equivalent for BIL and his DC. Even to the point of if they pick a magazine up for DD they’ll either mail one to her cousin (they’re the same age as it happens) or put the few quid in a savings account. It’s quite sweet actually.

Until reading some of these mumsnet threads I genuinely never considered that anyone would do otherwise than to split equally between their children. I mean barring any particularly dramatic circumstances/ estrangement etc. I still do think it’s odd and kind of shitty to do anything otherwise in most circumstances actually - but I appreciate that not every circumstance is so straightforward.

People can choose to leave their money how they like but their actions can be hurtful to those left out. We adore our kids and wouldn’t want to make either of them feel unloved or not valued so it goes without saying that everything will be left 50/50. I can’t understand why any parent would choose to favour one child over another.

My late dm was devastated to be left out of an inheritance from her dp’s, purely because she was a woman. She was a devoted daughter and knew it was coming as it had been the same her whole life, but it didn’t hurt any less when the time came. As a result she was scrupulously fair with us, sometimes overly so and she spoke of this often as she wanted to be sure that we all understood that she wanted us all to inherit equally.

Dh and I are significantly better off than my siblings but she was adamant that she didn’t want us to have less because we were more established. She told us that what we had was irrelevant, that she didn’t need her parents money either but it was the principle.

Believe me, we all told her many times to blow the lot enjoying herself (ds often used to tell her she should spend it on fast men and hard drugs which made her laugh ‘Ooh I’m a bit past that these days lovey!’). She quite rightly pointed out that she did exactly as she suited and when did we ever see her depriving herself. She told us that if we didn’t need it we could always put it away for the kids as with house prices nowadays they will need every penny. That is exactly what we will do as I know it would make her very happy to know that she has helped them.

Came on to say the same thing. Makes things a whole heap easier.

The sickener as far as I’m concerned is when you hear people complaining about their parents spending their own money, while they’re alive. In their minds the parents are recklessly depleting their own personal bank accounts. Nobody with that mindset deserves an inheritance.

YABU. I think it is extremely important to treat your children equally throughout life and after death. If you leave different amounts to your children they might fall out. As a parent that is not what you want.
I much prefer the French system of inheritance, where your children are protected heirs.

They should be resolved out of courts. It's certainly unnatural to bring your own siblings to court

@lulucieinlondon What if one sibling moved into the family home and refused for it to be sold despite it being left equally? Would the other sibling not go to court to force a sale?

Death brings the worst out in people. I have seen situations where abusive, manipulative parents continue to inflict misery on their children through an unfair will. I have also seen greedy vultures come out whenever someone dies and try to claim assets that are not theirs.

I think parents have a responsibility to treat their children fairly and, when they don't, children are hurt because it really does show how much their parents care about them. If my parents left my share of my inheritance to a cat charity, I'd be pretty fucking hurt. Not because of the money per se but because this is their legacy. This is what they want you to have. It's very symbolic and it's their very LAST gesture they will ever do.

You can do whatever you want in your will , but people have a right to be upset, that's how it goes.

I'm fairly close in age to my children so hopefully if I die in old age they'll be fairly mature too, so I'm planning on leaving any assets/money split equally between my biological grandchildren.

One lucky person will also get my tortoise!

It is really hurtful if you are the child and your second parent dies and you get nothing and your siblings get all of it.

It is a fundamental human instinct that your parents should treat you equally. Every toddler ever has said "its not fair" when a sibling has got something better. As adults they get better at being civil about it, but they still care and are still hurt if either parent favours a sibling.

We are a very blended family, my side and DH’s, all inheritances (both sets of parents divorced so x4) are to split completely equally between children and even step grandchildren which I think is such a progressive attitude, hopefully everyone else in the family thinks so too and there’s no upset when the sad times arrive.

My DF passed 2 years ago without a will as it was quite sudden and it was split between his children as well our half sibling which was my dads Step son, the rest of us would just never think to not share it equally - we know that’s exactly what my DF would have wanted also.

What is your own situation OP? Do you stand to inherit or have you been cut out in favour of others?

There was a thread last year where a woman was carer to her mother, was much less well off than her brothers and yet her mother was leaving her entire significant estate to her sons and nothing to the OP. And despite this, the OP was still expected to provide care to her mum as neither of the brothers cared to.

And in my own situation, my mum has left the family home, where me and my sisters paid rent for years, solely to my feckless brother ‘to keep the house in the family name’.

So your mealy mouthed platitudes saying you ‘robustly support the freedom of the assets holder/s to leave money to whoever, whatever they choose and no court should have the right to overturn this’ mean nothing to me and you sound completely devoid of understanding and sympathy.

Inheritances are not just about money, they are seen as an indicator of whether the heirs are valued and loved. Where there is perceived unfairness (typically when people are disinherited, or one sibling inherits more than another), it can tear families apart. And the person who wrote this will is not even there to see the devastation they have caused.

You can't disinherit your children in Scotland complete testator freedom is actually not that common in the world

Agree OP. Hope my parents spend it all living their best lives

IMO it's a parents and grandparents job to treat their children equally. Just because one child/grandchild has worked really hard to get themselves stable and settled doesn't mean that they should get less than another that hasn't.

Unless there are really very extreme circumstances I think not treating all children as equal is just an awful thing to do. I feel entitled to inherit from my parents when they die just as I tell my son that he will inherit everything from us when we die. To me that is absolutely the natural order of things. I wouldn't dream of not leaving everything I own to my child - so I don't understand why anyone else wouldn't choose to do that.

My grandmother died at 2pm and by 4pm I’d been added into a group chat by my cousins and siblings to speculate what would be in the will. I was the only person to say this was inappropriate and to leave. I’ve not spoken to them since. Money really brings out the worst in people.

I have to say, if my children ever start to lecture me on how I spend “their inheritance” i.e. my money I will deliberately sell up, spunk all my money up the wall having loads of fun and travelling the world. I’d go out of my way to make sure there was nothing left but any remainder I’d leave to charity. I really cannot stand people who talk about inheritance when a. no one has actually died and b. they think they are entitled to one.

Life would be much easier (and probably better) if everyone just left their entire estate to the local dogs' home. I'm only half joking.

When my father died with zero assets, only debts, it made me think that we should all be grateful if we inherit anything. Want something? Go out and earn it.

Obviously I can understand why someone would be pissed off if their sibling got £1m and they only got 50p. Those sorts of games of "favourites" can get in the sea in death as they can in life. But inheritance isn't a right - a very large number of people never inherit a penny.