Inheritance threads seriously wind me up......

[EveryoneEnviesMeEverywhere]

These types of threads are on many forums and articles I've read

AIBU when I am clearly stating that that the person/s leaving their assets behind to whoever is entitled to do as they so wish, EG, give the money away to a charity, their dog, the cat next door, their best friend, only give some of their children their money/etc and or not equally divide it

When I hear and or read about cases going to court, often one sibling against the other, it makes me so angry

If a person/s has mental the capacity as defined in law to make a Will, surely it is their choice and should never be challenged.

A nephew of mine recently complained to me about my sister(his mum) and his dad's Will means he'd get a lot less as things stand. My nephew had moaned to his parents and they told him that he was well settled, had a good job/pay and also had rental properties. I politely tried to make him see sense that regardless of what his parents had told him, in my judgment it istheir choice. My nephew was not happy with what I said.

The above comes with a caveat where disabled dependents may be left out of a Will as that is more complex. However, on the whole, it is as above

AIBU to robustly support the freedom of the assets holder/s to leave money to whoever, whatever they choose and no court should have the right to overturn this.

I agree unless, perhaps, where there is one child or more who is disable and requires long term help.

Many thanks for sharing just one of the many typical examples why some parents can leave assets to their children/grandchildren but don't.

Just imagine the pair took this to court - it would be wrong on every level to over-turn a Will

We have to be realistic, though. I used to be a tax accountant, a long time ago. I realised during that period that many people and businesses will pay a lot of money to save tax, some high earners will leave the country, and many others will risk breaking the law to avoid paying tax, if tax rates are high. If tax rates are perceived to be at a reasonable level, far more taxpayers will just cough up, albeit with some grumbling.

If a will differentiates between children who have been given the same opportunities (etc), I find this appalling. I don’t buy into the argument that a child who’s done well ‘doesn’t need it’. There is more to a will than absolute cash. People leave behind possessions too that can be very meaningful to children if not valuable and this needs clarifying. My mother has told me she has left all her jewellery to me because she wants it to stay in her direct female line (eg my brothers might give it to their wives). My father has made similar provisions for his valued possessions, with most of it going to my brothers.
Another aspect people don’t mention is being left out of a will when one parent dies and then the living one remarries. I have seen this happen so many times, including to my husband. Now the new partner has a say in everything. This is why inheritance laws were started in Europe which state children cannot be written out of wills.

Step parents can be vile scum once there husband/wife's pass away.

I agree with you OP.
Even if the person is ‘playing favourites’ or whatever - doesn’t matter. It’s their money and they should choose what to do with it.

I've mentioned that in my OP

To all reading this, please do not, never forget the feelings of someone leaving money/etc to some and not others. It was their money/etc, their choice.

A workmate told me years ago they felt bad as their dad and mum were saying they'd be leaving a lot more to here as she was the one that cared the most about them. Talking about this my understanding was that my workmate and the other 3 siblings were ok financially just like her, no rich, not poor but managing life etc. I told her when the day came that the Will had to be read and she was left more than her other sibblings - she was FREE to GIVE it away to the other siblings - you should have seen her face

My gran did that - us grandchildren got a fixed sum each, all the rest went to her child

I think it's rarely a case of 'fuck you'. If my dd was a multimillionaire and my ds had next to nothing, I'd be speaking with dd to ensure she understood my reason for leaving ds more, and that she fully understood it was no measure of my love.

My dad remarried as mum died aged 49. TBH, my step mother is a greedy cow but all smiles - I and siblings told dad we did not want to be inc in Will.

Years on at a family gathering one of my sisters said that mum had promised her a gold necklace and step mum had sold it and we were jut cahtting and my sis blamed step-mom. I reminded my sis step-mum is a greedy cow, BUT blame dad as we knew his new wife was greedy cow but he would not have it. However, we were pleased dad was happy and she made him happy and we were all on our two feet ad happy with that

Your family sounds lovely!

It's a complicated issue, but I can definitely see why it stirs up pain and resentment when it's not an even split (except in cases where there are obvious reasons to leave someone out of the will). Even when someone does their best to be fair, doing anything other than an even split will almost always leave someone feeling stung, undervalued, or 'less worthy'. As a PP said, it can taint your memories of the deceased, if you're the one singled out to receive less than your siblings.

Depends on what country you’re in. The testator doesn’t always decides on the beneficiary. In some countries it automatically goes to your children and if not, your closest living relative. You can imagine what sort of trouble that causes between siblings!

The faux naive idea that no-one is owed anything doesn't fool anyone OP. As families we support each other in whatever way we can be that time or money or something else. And passing stuff on to the next generation is a fundamental driver to achieve. Most of what I do now I am doing so that my kids can have a better life. And I'd say that applies to most of us - in whatever way we can.

Daughter cares for elderly parents. It costs time, money, effort. She does it out of love and because it's the right thing to do. The state won't fund that care. No-one else does it. So who should get the parents' money?

What if you’ve got a child who is a drug-addict, and been in and out of prison for years? He’s stolen from you and commited fraud. Child #2 has been a doting child, never caused any trouble and cared for you in your old age. Should they inherit equally?

If dh dies before me, In the next few years [I have a medically short life remaining] I plan to enjoy the money, piss it up the wall and then top myself while I'm still able to.

You know that you don’t have to read them don’t you? 🤷🏻‍♀️

When I read about grabby entitlement I sometimes think that the system of forced heirship that operates in much of Europe would be simpler.

I'm not sure what you are trying to say

Are you saying that you'd pass on your hard earned money/etc, the money you could have easily splashed on swanky hols, designer clothing, worked less hours enjoying more - leave it to someone that could not care less about you or may have even abused you like examples I gave - you'd leave them equal amount or something?

Trust me, we spend the money we have in a minute and like most our children say to us spend more, we do spend as per previous posts and have what we deem to be a nice home, a couple of rentals and what is deemed as a flashy car - we have given money away to build up/secure grandkids futures, kick start etc but its our money our choice is the bottom line

Most are like us, we never expected or wanted anything from parents except them being happy for us, anything else after that is a bonus

I can never understand nor will understand people banging on about they been left less than the other, FFS, its not your money.

You are the third username to say that and you make a valid point.
However, often is the case, the HEADLINES give the story away and a typical example

"SIBLING IN COURT OVER FAMILY ESTATE!

I once read a thread on here about a man who lost his wife, then remarried. He left everything to his new wife, who had no children, but promised to will everything to his children. Only he died and the stepmother remarried, left everything to her new husband, on the understanding he might will something to her stepchildren rather than just his daughter. One of the original man's children were asking if there was anything they could do if the stepmother's new husband left everything to his own daughter as they suspected he would do this. People may describe the man's children as having a very distasteful false sense of entitlement. I think some people on the thread told them not to be entitled go earn your own money ect. but it must have been rubbish seeing their parents house, money and possessions end up with a random woman who never knew them.

I would be interested if OP and others would describe the children's expectation in the below of something as coming from a place of grabby entitlement. I think the stepmother's new husband was only married to her for a short time before she died too.

Why read stuff you know winds you up?

My in-laws constantly try and wind me up by saying they’re leaving my DH of their will, because of some past argument, I always tell them - totally up to them - their money. That winds them up even further. They then tell me they’re leaving their other kids out of the will too. And I say the same. Up to them.

No one else’s business other than the person making the will imo. However, if I ended up with money from my parents’ estate that was anything more than an equal split I would share what I had received beyond that which was equal with my siblings. Can’t say that every one of them would do the same, but you have to live a life you’re comfortable with, that’s what I’d do.