AIBU for parents to know what roughly what job I do?

[myjob]

I probably am being unreasonable, but hear me out. Just having a brat really.

I work in the city of London in a finance role, supporting fund managers. My mum has asked what I do and I have told her many times what my role is and how it supports the wider business. She just doesn't understand it and when I try to explain, she says "it's all so complicated!" And won't even try to listen. She is in her 60's and was a SAHM her whole life. My brother works in digital media sales and it's the same with him. She thinks he works with computers and I'm a secretary. She doesn't seem to understand that I'm not in a typing pool.

It's a stressful, serious job. I have tried to explain, she doesn't seem to understand that women can have important roles in an office environment.

Do your parents understand your job if it's not something like teacher or nurse? Maybe IABU! I give up with trying to explain it now!

I'm a SAHM too and, shockingly, am still able to understand aspects of the world outside my house. Your attitude towards your mum is a little patronising.

In my case it is my dad I have some issues with. He constantly says I am a "diversity hire" and my whole career exists because Western people are obsessed with hiring token women in highly paid STEM jobs. When he's asked by friends what do I do, he says admin / paper pushing. I am in quantitative finance, leading a team but still very hands-on with programming myself. It is not like he doesn't understand the modern world, his background is software development too.
Not trying to claim that I am doing something as important as cancer research, of course, but I am hardly a bimbo.

Though, you know, my life is probably not SERIOUS or STRESSFUL enough to count for anything.

I was trying to be succinct :)

Basically, think of anything you do that involves technology. That could be e.g. using a bank app on your phone, buying something off Amazon, reading a book on your Kindle.

I work out how the thing needs to work for the person using it e.g. you want to see your balance on your bank app; you need some way to search for the thing you want off Amazon; you need to be able to turn pages on your Kindle.

Then I work out how to put computer "bits" together to make them do the thing that you want. As an analogy think of putting different bits of Lego together to make a car. If you put them together in a different way they make a different car. Or you could get more Lego and make a bus.

So you tell me what model you want to make (what you want to be able to do) and I tell you what Lego (different computer systems and how they connect together) you need to do that.

My Nan was a bit like that, she would tell people that I "worked with computers". I don't as it goes - I work in an office and have a laptop for emails/documents/conference calls. I did try to explain a few times some of the things I got involved with but she didn't really take it in but I was okay with that - plus my career has changed and evolved over the years. I'm not sure my family do know what I do but they are respectful and know it is high pressure and long hours.

That's what is the annoying thing It's one thing not understanding but knowing yoh are a successful professional it is a different thing to attribute you to a lesser role.

I would most definitely next time not let it pass and say Mum for the 100th time I am not a secretary. I work high up in finance and I am sorry if you don't appreciate that or understand what I do but please don't diminish my status again.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. It's sad that your own dad belittles and demeans your achievements in such a way.

My mum has a degree, two masters degrees, has published in her field and is an in-demand consultant (education and literacy)
I'm a project manager in HE and she has no idea what I do!

How do you think businesses get to hear of other businesses and services that might be of use to them, if not through marketing? And how does a business retain the B2B customers they already have, if not through marketing?

That's a bit rich, given that it's the OP's mum that is persistently acting like she has no understanding of anything, and keeps making the patronising assumption that the OP is doing a low level job and that nobody would even notice if she didn't log on

Of course SAHPs can have a proper understanding of what goes on in the world - my own mum in her 80s was a SAHM but has a perfectly good understanding of what dsis and I do because she is genuinely interested, asks questions and listens.

The point is that the OP's mum doesn't bother with any of this

SO is mine !! and neither do I.

On the other hand I work for the government seconded to the police. Neither parents or siblings go much longer than 6 months without asking what I ACTUALLY DO .. it's not hard honestly.

Tbh my only achievement is financial, I am indeed not doing anything outstanding in life. But yes, I'd take silence here over active criticism - especially as he significantly benefits from the financial side too.

That said .. mum would big me up to all and sundry. Not understanding didn't prevent that 🙄

My son does that 😮. I think

My Mum doesn't get it, and seems to think DH is providing for me and that is a green light for him to do FA and for me to carry the entire mental load. She seemed surprised when I told her my salary. Dh does bring home a bit more than me, but we're talking £3-400 pounds a month, so not a massive difference.

I don't think it's an age thing though. My mums older than your mum and she's a social worker, well she now managers them.

That is a little more understandable, but I still don't think I've really got it. So do you work for the bank or Amazon or whoever and they tell you that customers want to be able to do X with their product, and then you programme it so it can do X? Or the customers call you directly and tell you that e.g. they want to be able to check their balance, and you tell them that they need to do X, Y, and Z to set up the app to have that functionality? That sounds more like a helpdesk call centre type thing, but you were saying that you design the system.

This is interesting to me because I have a close family member who is a software programmer. And I have never got my head around why or how he spends so much time in contact with companies who have already bought the software he has designed. Surely once his company has sold it to their company the relationship is at any end, I would think, but apparently not.

I work as a finance manager for a small company and my dad is adamant I'm just an admin assistant.

Thoroughly enjoying people’s explanations of their jobs! Some are crystal clear – the Lego analogy! – some are still muddy to me. There’s so much jargon in this thread, from C-suite to third sector to consulting, without acknowledgement that it’s jargon and very “if you know you know”.

I actually do work in marketing and I couldn’t tell you what it is. We recently had training that was meant to help us describe marketing to non-marketing people, so potential clients would understand what they might be paying for. We were asked to describe what we did and the stuff my colleagues said! “We run 360 integrated end-to-end campaigns using regular content sprints to maintain a constant drumbeat through the news cycle.” U WOT MATE. You write press releases but make videos too!

There are so many jobs that didn’t exist even 10years ago and I certainly don’t understand any of these jobs in detail. I am a nurse ,have never worked in an office based environment and have absolutely no idea about the work that people do.
I have two children who work in a professional role and their title describes their job . On the other hand I have another son who works in the city and I genuinely don’t understand his job. He accepts that ,and doesn’t expect me to be able to explain it to another person.
Am proud of all three of them and they know that.

I work in sustainability for an organisation and my Dad rolls his eyes because he thinks it's all nonsense. He also thinks I don't do much because I WFH and thinks I must therefore not be doing much and should be helping him out more. It's frustrating, but I just ignore now and try not to talk about work. My Brother is a vicar and Dad is much more respectful of that and thinks he works sooo hard, even though he basically works from home as well.

I think it's partly he can't believe his daughter could possibly be doing anything important or of value. A mixture of misogyny and seeing me as a child.

Wouldn't you just ask?

I mean, fair enough if you're just not interested, but surely if you actually wanted to know, they could explain.

I think my conclusion is that a lot of people just aren't that bothered about what their loved ones do. I find that hard to get my head around, as most people in my family tend to be quite passionate about what they do and it's an important aspect of who they are. Not saying that it defines them in any way, as it obviously doesn't, but it's still a significant part of their identity, and as such, I can't understand loved ones being so uninterested.

However, I know lots of people simply work for the money in jobs that they don't really care about, so maybe that explains the different approaches to this.

I do find it sad to hear about people who feel like their parents don't appreciate what they have achieved... it's a pretty basic thing for people to want their mum and dad to be proud of them.

My mum (who has a very educated , high level career) tells people I am something that sounds a little similar to my job title, but is actually a completely different career.

I think she kind of knows she is doing it and is somewhat tongue in cheek, but also she couldn't tell you what I do.

In her case, I think she finds the idea of thinking about money or economics terrifying (she is awful with money even on her own budget and will Bury her head in the sand forever). I work in financial services, so whenever I talk about it I imagine a giant klaxon plays in her mind about something scary! Complex! Uncomprehensible! And she just doesn't listen

The weird thing is if I told my Dad how much I earned I know he would be impressed and probably brag about it, but I won't because you shouldn't value people based on salary.

My mother doesn’t understand what I do because she has no interest in me and doesn’t think it can be very interesting if they let an idiot like me do it. She is only interested in details about her if they make her look good but still doesn’t ask many questions. She used to love telling people I was at Cambridge, especially as it was striking for someone from our background, and people assumed she would have supported me to get there etc. However, she couldn’t ever remember what I was studying, no matter how many times I told her.
She is capable of remembering details about people she’s interested in though. She’s often related in incredible detail the achievements of the neighbours’ children. It’s purely a lack of interest.