AIBU for parents to know what roughly what job I do?

[myjob]

I probably am being unreasonable, but hear me out. Just having a brat really.

I work in the city of London in a finance role, supporting fund managers. My mum has asked what I do and I have told her many times what my role is and how it supports the wider business. She just doesn't understand it and when I try to explain, she says "it's all so complicated!" And won't even try to listen. She is in her 60's and was a SAHM her whole life. My brother works in digital media sales and it's the same with him. She thinks he works with computers and I'm a secretary. She doesn't seem to understand that I'm not in a typing pool.

It's a stressful, serious job. I have tried to explain, she doesn't seem to understand that women can have important roles in an office environment.

Do your parents understand your job if it's not something like teacher or nurse? Maybe IABU! I give up with trying to explain it now!

My grandmother used to refer to my ‘little job’. I’m no high flyer but I’m an accountant with a responsible job. I just didn’t bother trying to explain.

Almost noone understands what I do for work, not even my parents or DP. They understand that it's complicated, and not a straight 9 to 5 though.

What your Mum is doing @myjob is different. She doesn't need to understand exactly what you do to understand that your not a secretary. She's wilfully ignoring what you tell hell to fit her sexist view of the world.

My sister and brother do an IT job. I’ve no clue what they do but they’ve told me often. They argue between themselves that their own job is more important and harder than the others. Dh and I have a feeling they both do the exact same job though and refuse to acknowledge it. I still don’t know what they do, something to do with apps, systems, widgets and maybe a keyboard and mouse are involved. Sometimes it’s hard to understand others jobs. I can’t explain dh’s job to people, I just say he works in IT.

My brother in law does a job that I can't fathom at all. It seems to be selling predictions of what organisations will buy advertising space and then sort of trading on the futures of those. It seems so far from a space where anything is made or done!

I honestly just think it's a generational/cultural thing. My dad, he comes from a country where women are definitely still seen as "less than" men and so in addition to not knowing what I do he also assumes I'm in basic secretarial admin work, very 9 to 5, simple, and thinks I would get overtime if I worked longer than that.

That's just what he knows because he's never worked an office job, plus he has cultural sexist attitudes.

I used to get frustrated thinking that he was undermining me but then I sort of changed my thinking and realised that his age, culture and work history probably make it difficult for him to imagine/accept anything different. I got a lot less frustrated when I flipped my thinking in this way.

My parents and probably nearly all of my siblings don't understand what I do - my field was in its infancy when my DPs retired. I'm fine with that - it's better than them trying to give me (no good, awful) advice on it. The "secretary" thing would however drive me bats - that's just plain refusing to listen - but I don't think you're going to get anywhere with her on that given that I'm guessing you've tried many times already.

🤣 that reminds me of one Christmas Day when I was rostered to work. When I casually mentioned it to Mum, (bear in mind that I'm a Nurse - so I assume most people would not be surprised by me needing to work Christmas Day)! Plus the fact that, at that point, I had worked the majority of Christmas Days since my training around 20 years before!
Mum's reaction was "Why do you need to work Christmas Day .... Surely 'they' can get some other service to do it?!" 🤔 🥴. Err, which random service would that be then, who are just waiting to fill in??

I understand this OP. My Mum has never seen my (management, stressful, full time) job as anywhere near as important as the jobs of EVERY MAN SHE HAS EVER KNOWN regardless of what they actually do. It’s tiresome.

I am an accountant, university, 4 years training, lots of crap that goes with it. Now have a good job

My mum bumped into my old school friends mum. Friends mum 'Amy is doing so so well she has been promoted left right and center and will soon be running her own section' Amy to be fair does seem to be doing really well she has gone really high in the police and we are still young so who knows how high she will go!

My mum to friends mum - Ponti is marrying a farmer

Ah, you've got a job like Chandler in Friends.

Yanbu for expecting your Mum to show a bit of interest, but are you holding her to higher standards than other people you know?

hahah yeah years ago i worked in the head office of Net a porter on the finance team - MIL got that it was an online fashion retailer and essentially now thinks i work in a shop. I just leave it at that as i can't really be bothered to explain

My mum thinks I’m a receptionist… I actually have a global role in corporate real estate managing a mega £millions budget 🤣

I'm not bothered about my parents not really understanding what my job is, but I would probably expect them to know what my job isn't, if you see what I mean.

My mum certainly doesn't really know what it is that I do all day, and I don't expect/need her to understand. But she does definitely know I'm not a secretary and she wouldn't assume that's what all women who work in an office would be.

It's actually downright weird that a woman in her 60s, even if she hasn't worked outside the home herself, thinks all women in offices are secretaries. Even my grandparents didn't think that, and they were born in the 1910s.

I'm in the same situation in my 60's my mother a lifelong SAHM and has never worked and it tells. She is content to do nothing, learn nothing, rely on others for everything.
I find it depressing and awful, we have absolutely nothing to talk about, it's like talking to a young child.
She knows nothing about my life and never asks and I've just given up tbh. My son and I have a totally different relationship and discuss everything.

On the one hand I get your frustration, but on the other hand do any of us REALLY know what a lot of other people's jobs are, unless we actually understand that sector? I mean, I work in finance myself and with fund managers, have done for a long time. For me to have an idea what your actual role is though I'd need more info (supporting them in what way - on the investment analysis side? Research? In execution? With eg pitch materials / business development? Sales?). If I didn't work in finance (am now a lawyer, which people understand, but probably don't know specifically what a banking and finance lawyer does) you could explain many times and it would probably not mean that much to me.

I don't fully understand what my husband does for example as it's a totally different industry / sector to me!

Yeah, my dad called my statutory role in professional ethics and regulatory compliance as 'admin'.

But the point is that, unlike the OP's mum, you don't keep assuming that your brother-in-law is a secretary.

I work in government in a digital profession. My parents do not understand what I do AT ALL.

I don’t see the point in losing sleep over this!

I agree that "generational" really doesn't cover it. My DM is in her 80s and worked FT all her life as an accomplished doctor who was involved in some groundbreaking work. It's a loooooooong time since women have been doing more than being "secretaries".

she is sexist in some other exciting ways tho

I'd say she's taking out the bits she understands. Supporting fund managers. You support. Fund managers are important and require support. You support them with their important jobs.

Try explain your role independently of anyone else. I know it's to provide context but she doesn't need context. So what do you do, I do analysis on industrial markets. I review this that and the other. I predict market trends in A,b,c. Don't tell her why or for whom. It's not relevant.

I was talking to my dh once about my db. He said ‘I don’t think you know what he actually does, do you?’ I was like ‘um, IT?’

YABU. You have a chandler job. Don't be surprised they can't say what you do. It's not like your dm has any commercial/ financial/ corporate experience.

I'm an accountant. I do a specialist role for a big firm. None of my friends really understand what I do and I don't expect them to. At a push they think it involves numbers and spreadsheets.

To be honest I don’t understand any jobs in IT or finance. I just don’t understand what they do.

I’m an OT who has worked in secure units for a lot of my life, my nan told everyone I was a nurse working with old ladies. My brother in law thinks I work in admin. 🤷‍♀️

Sounds like she's a female Al Murray - pub landlord.
Women have one of three jobs. Teacher, nurse or secretary.

"On the one hand I get your frustration, but on the other hand do any of us REALLY know what a lot of other people's jobs are, unless we actually understand that sector?"

I think I would have a good idea if someone explained to me what they did even if were in a different sector.

It is fascinating to combine one's general knowledge of a sector with specific knowledge of how jobs in that role fit in at all the different levels. I'd go, "ah, I did not know you would have people doing that to make xyz happen. It does not happen by magic"

Then again, I do have a good idea of how Finance and the City of London fits together so that pretty much covers the rocket science part of it. Everything else is easier.