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AIBU?

To say taking Uni slow is a privilege

122 replies

GioRioMam · 29/01/2024 00:29

Today I met up with a friend, her DD and my DD. Her DD is 24 and did the course at uni my DD has just been given a conditional offer for.
Friends daughter did the 4 year option with the year in Industry, her placement year has resulted in the job she is currently in. She then took a gap year to travel, then a masters to further specialise.
She is from a much better off family. DD will be the first in our family to do a degree, we won’t be able to fund more than the 3 years.
DD is pretty upset she won’t get to take the slower option, especially the masters, but really she needs to be working ASAP.

AIBU to say being able to take 6 years after finishing school to enter the workforce properly (friends child had part time jobs) is a massive privilege?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

288 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
50%
You are NOT being unreasonable
50%
HeddaGarbled · 29/01/2024 00:34

My friends are pleased for me when things are good for me and mine.

GioRioMam · 29/01/2024 00:36

HeddaGarbled · 29/01/2024 00:34

My friends are pleased for me when things are good for me and mine.

I didn’t say I’m not happy for them, more just it’s a privilege and DD shouldn’t expect it.

OP posts:
BoxOfPaints · 29/01/2024 00:37

It's a pretty standard length of time for well-paid career paths - medicine, law, architecture, etc. Your daughter's friend is probably going to have more opportunities because she's able to take an approach which will set her up for the long-term. It's a shame for your DD that she won't have the same. I wouldn't blame her for feeling upset about it.

crumblingschools · 29/01/2024 00:37

Won’t she be eligible for loans?

GioRioMam · 29/01/2024 00:38

crumblingschools · 29/01/2024 00:37

Won’t she be eligible for loans?

Only minimum loans and we have 2 others who will follow straight on to uni so we would still have to support.

OP posts:
crumblingschools · 29/01/2024 00:41

Can she get a job? DS gets minimum loan and he had job in holidays which tops up his funds. At the moment we haven’t had to help him out.

Boomarang · 29/01/2024 00:41

Yes… it’s a massive privilege. Am I am one for x4 children, university educated (for me, the longest at medical school).

Every morning I was up at 7 (sometimes hungover in first couple of years, and would rather have pulled the duvet over my head) and my driving force was the fact that I knew my mother was going out to work for the fees/ expenses of me being at university.

It’s not an unreasonable ask but it’s also reasonable to say no, we can’t afford it.

Talipesmum · 29/01/2024 00:41

On my masters course there were quite a few students who had taken a couple of years to work and save up to fund their masters year. Depending on what she wants to do it could be a worthwhile option longer term. She’ll soon start understanding more about what things cost - there’s kind of knowing, and there’s really knowing.

PurplePansy05 · 29/01/2024 00:45

I think your approach is shortsighted. A degree is not a goal in itself, it's not some kind of a badge of honour that your DD will be first in the family.

A degree serves a purpose, it's necessary in certain professions and it's supposed to help and open doors to career progression. A gap year in the industry where your DD would presumably get paid is an excellent idea. A Master's could probably be completed part time alongside working. Your DD needs good career advice from someone who understands the industry. It may be harder for her if you have less momey to support her but it's not impossible and it's important she's guided well instead of being shut down by you. I'd be very disappointed and resentful if I were her and you told me that instead of discussing different options to set her up in the best possible way for the future. Your friend and her DC are irrelevant, stop comparing your finances and focus on your DD's future.

maoamoam · 29/01/2024 00:47

The year in industry is usually paid and the postgraduate loan for the masters wouldn't be means tested, so apart from the gap year it could be fairly accessible

Nottodaty · 29/01/2024 00:48

My daughter is in her last year (yr 3) she would like to do her masters, but has decided to work and save for a couple of years. The funding is different for masters, she wants to ensure she choses the right course before getting into more debt.

BobbyBiscuits · 29/01/2024 00:48

She should not be thinking about the Masters until she's passed the bachelors. It seems like these people have different resources to you. Some people I know willingly fund their kids through Uni, masters, etc and don't even expect them to work. They also said the kid can't sign on because it was illegal if they lived with their parents. So yeah, ignore what others are doing. I would not focus on it, tell your daughter she has not even started studying the subject yet and if she succeeds then she can choose further options at the time.

Keepingittogetherstepbystep · 29/01/2024 00:49

If your daughter is already 24 then it might be worth considering her waiting another year as at 25 you'll no longer be expect to support her so her eligibility for loans would be different.

GioRioMam · 29/01/2024 00:50

Keepingittogetherstepbystep · 29/01/2024 00:49

If your daughter is already 24 then it might be worth considering her waiting another year as at 25 you'll no longer be expect to support her so her eligibility for loans would be different.

Shes 17, friends daughter is 24.

OP posts:
Dinoland · 29/01/2024 00:51

I don't understand why you've said no to the four year course. She can pay her way during that year in industry and you go back to supporting her when she's back at uni. You're paying for three years either way.
She can also spend her holidays working and saving money.

crumblingschools · 29/01/2024 00:52

Integrated masters are funded differently I think if that is an option.

Will all your DC go to university?

Babla · 29/01/2024 00:53

an the 3 years.
DD is pretty upset she won’t get to take the slower option, especially the masters, but really she needs to be working ASAP.

Can't you get student loans for masters

R41nb0wR0se · 29/01/2024 00:53

Dinoland · 29/01/2024 00:51

I don't understand why you've said no to the four year course. She can pay her way during that year in industry and you go back to supporting her when she's back at uni. You're paying for three years either way.
She can also spend her holidays working and saving money.

This. And if she does want a gap year after studying, she could always do a working holiday, or a season as a resort rep or just work and save for six months and then travel for six months.

QueenBodicea · 29/01/2024 00:57

YANBU it's a massive privilege unless studying medicine which has huge societal benefits.

buckingmad · 29/01/2024 01:03

Why can’t she do a placement year? I didn’t cost my parents anything for that year other than living at home costs (I offered rent but they wanted me to save instead). It’s brilliant going back to final year with a grad offer sorted from placement as opposed to spending time that could be spent revising/doing dissertation on applications and interviews

2021mumma · 29/01/2024 01:06

My daughter is doing her masters part-time (over two years) whilst working full-time. If a masters is her end goal she will find a way to do it

RantyAnty · 29/01/2024 01:15

I think you need to stay out of it and let the university and your daughter figure it out.

With no in else in the family gone to uni, you don't really know how it works.

My idiotic mother tried to thwart my uni plans with her ignorance and jealousy. Similar comments about privilege and rich snobs.

I ended up with a couple of BS degrees, 2 MS degrees, and a Phd in spite of her.

I hope she is at least interested in something that pays well.

Christmasisalmosthere · 29/01/2024 01:15

There's lots of different routes and it's been pointed out by other posters that a year out is normally paid so shouldn't be an issue.
My son did a Bsc and then worked for a year and a half in order to gain industry experience. He did 3 Pg certs during this time and this was accepted as a masters, allowing him to access a funded full time PhD. It's early days for your daughter but I wouldn't be ruling anything out for her. My son studied alongside some v wealthy students who finished at Bsc level.

Keepingittogetherstepbystep · 29/01/2024 01:16

GioRioMam · 29/01/2024 00:50

Shes 17, friends daughter is 24.

Ahh sorry, serves me right for making assumptions.

HellonHeels · 29/01/2024 01:39

The fees for the Industry year are usually much lower than for the other three years.

She needs.to have a look at the fees information for the desired course to check.

A year in Industry will be very helpful for her to secure a graduate job. You're being very shortsighted not to support her doing this.

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