To have got rid of DS’s books as a consequence for messing around at bedtime?

[Italianicecream]

Since I had DD 6 months ago DH has been more involved in bedtimes, it used to be really straightforward: milk, bath, teeth and then five books. Sometimes DS would want one or two more but they were all short so I didn’t mind and he’d go to bed nicely.

Now it’s a pain. He insists he wants DH to read to him so I settle the baby while DH reads to DS, but DS just prats about, throws books on the floor, spends forever choosing a story and then doesn’t listen to it just charges around the room, etc. eventually I’m called in and he does settle but generally wants me to read the same books DH did, won’t always go to bed when told, although isn’t too bad.

When it is just me bedtimes are fine so I do think he’s playing is off against one another. I don’t think I dealt tonight well but I got so fed up with the silly behaviour I put all his books in the spare room, chose one book to read to him and said he could choose again when he started behaving. He got really upset and I don’t want to be using books as a sanction but I’m not sure what else to do! (DS is 3.)

I’ll add a caveat that I’m an English lecturer and our house is filled with hundreds of books so I’m a real book lover.

I think five books is far too many. I have always implemented a two book rule and I give DC a selection of 5 to choose from. Lay the 5 out in front of him and ask him to pick two then read those. It’s great because on nights when I’m absolutely knackered, I intentionally choose shorter books .

If he won’t listen to the story, he has to go to sleep without. I give my DC three chances and if they’re still messing around they have to deal without.

I think your desire to sort this out without a melt down at bedtime understandable but unlikely to be achievable. You have to bite the bullet and possibly have a couple of nights of a bedtime meltdown to get the end game.

As suggested up thread - a couple of books (limit the choice), chosen quickly. If he won't choose you do. He has to sit down and listen. Stop reading if he's messing about. Calm warnings that if he doesn't want to sit and listen story time will be over and it's bedtime. And carry it through. He'll be very upset when he realises the first night that you mean business but next night (or night after) he'll probably realise. You will have to be clear and carry it through though. You and DH need to follow same routine. If DH does bedtime then you can't come in next and read more stories. You come in and kiss goodnight only

What does dh say when you discuss it with him? Can you show him some of the suggestions on this thread as a starting point to discussion?

Banning dh from being able to do bedtime seems like a short term and unsustainable strategy.

I don’t think it is unsustainable. DH is lovely he really is, but he really isn’t great at reading stories.

Since DS has been old enough to have a bedtime routine of sorts - so maybe 6 months - I’ve done the bedtime routine. I have to when DH is at work anyway as he doesn’t get in until DS is in bed. When DH isn’t around DS isn’t a problem. It’s when we’re both around trouble starts!

Well best of luck op! You've had quite a lot of advice on here including my long post above but it seems you already have your own plan - I hope your strategy works and you get bedtimes sorted. Nice bedtimes can be a highlight of the day

@Mumoftwo1312 not at all. I asked for advice and have got it - I have a number of things to work with, some I’ll implement, some I probably won’t but doesn’t make it wrong or bad advice. If I don’t respond to everybody individually you’ll appreciate it can be hard keeping up with small ones. And it’s always worth remembering MN don’t delete threads usually, so even if a suggestion isn’t for me personally someone else will probably benefit.

Not read all the suggestions, but we find having a special bedtime book which we have a chapter of at bedtime and don't read at other times works really well, if we're not snuggled up in bed and listening it goes away. Winnie the Pooh and similar are lovely to read to them as well :)

ps we only have one and also get this kind of behaviour sometimes despite not having turned their world upside down with a sibling, kids are just kids.
My main thought is that it might be tiredness related 3 is a weird age for sleep needs I found, some have dropped their nap and some still need a long one so I don't think either extreme of no nap or 3 hours can possibly be right every day, it must vary a bit. So maybe either he's overtired or had a danger nap too late in the day that's leading to this kind of hyper silliness... sorry no suggestion to fix it but might be something to keep track of and see if there's a correlation?

Final thought on this, when mine were this age I used to put a story CD on after I'd finished reading stories. Nothing too exciting (Julia Donaldson, Alfie, etc) but the familar voice seemed to help with lulling them to sleep. And obviously the CD didn't go on until they were lying quietly in bed ready to listen.

When I had 3 and found it hard to stay awake when reading bedtime stories plus the baby's nighttime routine, I bought lots of books on CD and a CD player, that my two eldest could use to listen to stories at night. I still would spend a short time with them as they went it bed and then they would listen to stories as they fell asleep.

They loved this and used them for years. I imagine podcasts and other options are available now.

I never used removing books as a punishment. I did use buying a new book as a reward though.

DH is lovely he really is, but he really isn’t great at reading stories.

Sounds like that right there is the crux of all the messing about and loss of interest in story time.

If your DH isn't great at reading stories what about another quiet time activity they could do together, it isn't the law that it has to be"bath, book, bed", get a large tray for his bed and they could do a jigsaw together, or select some specific pieces of Duplo or Playmobil and tell a story or re-enact the day. There are lots of winding down activities that don't have to involve reading if that's not DHs thing. DS could then have a story on audio CD (or other more modern version) to listen to as he goes to sleep.