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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My partner breath always smells what do I do?

149 replies

strawo · 28/01/2024 15:03

He apparently brushes his teeth at work and sent me a photo of his tooth brush and tooth paste at work saying he works with the public ofc he brushes

Yet he stinks all the time; he smokes and doesn't have a good diet

He only has a handful of back teeth and all have fillings.

Surely he is lying about brushing or doesn't brush properly? How doesn't he know how to brush properly

I made a joke saying that's not long enough to brush your teeth to him then finally snapped and said you need to brush each tooth? And yet he got so defensive and said he does that was just a quick brush

But he smells so bad all the time. What do I do?

OP posts:
popqwerty · 02/02/2024 09:19

@T1Dmama he drinks oat milk if he ever does ...

This is what I mean it's literally just not actually brushing properly then sending me a photo of a tooth brush

I've noticed past few days when he goes to brush he does not run the tap at all and there's no spit so what on earth is he doing?

popqwerty · 02/02/2024 09:25

@DRS1970 I don't think he has ever flossed nor his parents I had a proper nosey around their bathroom and there was just two very gross tooth brushes .. his parents bathroom freaks me out so much

His own bathroom doesn't have floss even though I keep hinting and saying floss he doesn't.

I do not understand how no one has told him he smells so bad. He is a tattoo artist so surely being that close to people and he says he talks non stop to his customers so surely. Even when he uses chewing gum you can smell his breath still. It numbs it but barely. I've never known that in someone either

But then he's not close to anyone else. He has one best friend but hasn't seen him in a very long time. So he can't tell him.
His parents are the same as him. So it's just me and I have told him yet he is convinced in himself his 30 seconds of brushing with no running water, no spit and no flossing is correct and he should smell wonderful.

I still cannot get over how bad the room smelt when I came into it just from him breathing.

I've gone to have a drink of his drink before and smelt his horrid breath on the drink and left it.

C1N1C · 02/02/2024 09:31

Other woman has a yeast infection?

MustBeNapTime · 02/02/2024 10:57

@popqwerty / @strawo Have you have a name change fail?

TheOccupier · 02/02/2024 11:30

I have no idea what you want from this thread - if you need to ask "what do I do" about being in a relationship with someone who is dirty and smelly and won't do anything about that, there's really no hope for you. Seriously, I marvel at how some of the OPs on here get through life.

Original poster
strawo · 09/02/2024 09:26

I've broken up with him

Had a conversation saying you must brush your teeth. Use mouth wash and floss he's not bothered. Never cleaned them at all yesterday

When I was at his flat last week I assumed the absolutely repulsive smell was from
Him cooking. It wasn't it was his breath in his flat. He stayed at mines last night and the same thing happened my entire flat stinks of the same rancid smell. Even in rooms he wasn't in

I honestly have never known of that. Everyone's mouth smells in the morning but not in an entire 3 bed flat. That's insane

I'm now having to air out the flat in the freezing cold and I can't even air out some
Rooms for my pets. I'm so angry.

OP posts:
randomchap · 09/02/2024 09:56

Seems like you did the right thing. He had chances to change and didn't.

susiedaisy1912 · 09/02/2024 10:26

Good for you op. Best decision. He won't change.

Notthesameasitwas · 09/02/2024 11:44

Well it must be seriously bad. You had no choice. Silly man. How does he cope in work? People must recoil from him .

DoodlesMam · 09/02/2024 11:47

This person does not sound physically attractive.... may be you should consider finding someone who takes hygiene seriously? That would be a deal breaker for me.

Notthesameasitwas · 09/02/2024 11:49

Did you tell him the reason why you ended it?

NotQuiteNorma · 09/02/2024 11:58

I worked with someone like this once. I don't know how he couldn't have been aware. I once watched a lady walk past behind him and freeze then recoil in shock of the smell. The look of disgust and horror on her face always stayed with me.

kcchiefette · 09/02/2024 12:13

Oh how horrible!

You did the right think OP as you had told him and he still didnt want to change.

My first ever serious boyfriend had poor dental hygiene. His teeth were always horrible, breath stinking. By time I left him, his teeth were breaking. Bumped into him a decade later and his front teeth are missing now as well, his mouth looks horrendous.

He was late diagnosed with autism so he blames it on this!

My DS has autism and is really bad with brushing teeth, so I need to sit and observe him.and sometimes even do them myself!

It does start with parents but once you're an adult it is your own responsibility to look after your teeth and oral hygiene.

Original poster
strawo · 09/02/2024 12:15

@Notthesameasitwas I've no idea. He tattoos so surely they smell it. That would be enough for me to stop going to him.

You can even smell it when he's chewing chewing gum

OP posts:
auntyElle · 09/02/2024 12:30

You're free of the grotty stinker!! Well done, OP. Sounds hideous.

gingineau · 09/02/2024 13:13

@kcchiefette he isn't autistic, his parents are exactly the same and his mum is missing front teeth. I honestly don't know how they do it

He's one year older than me yet my teeth look 10 years younger.

kcchiefette · 09/02/2024 13:16

gingineau · 09/02/2024 13:13

@kcchiefette he isn't autistic, his parents are exactly the same and his mum is missing front teeth. I honestly don't know how they do it

He's one year older than me yet my teeth look 10 years younger.

Some people just cant be bothered and are products of their upbringing. Sad if you think about it

gingineau · 09/02/2024 13:54

@kcchiefette it blows my mind because he used stuff on his hair to help his scalp
Uses coconut oil on his dog to smell nice and cleans his dogs teeth

Is very hygienic with tattoos but with his teeth will not clean them or if he does not properly and had some removed at only 15 that would be enough for me to start again and think my parents advice is likely wrong and I should clean them

I'm a clean freak teeth wise but my family aren't. My grandparents actively said they never brushed their and had fake teeth by 40. My parents never taught me how and it was really embarrassing at primary school being smelly and having yellow teeth. The second I had the control to fix it I did. I don't understand how he can think the way he does

He also told me I was "over hydrated" because I drank 2 litres of water a day .. yet he refused and only drank coke which I swear makes peoples breath horrific. Whenever I drink fizzy drinks my mouth feels dirty after

His family think they are fine because they "brush" occasionally and it's how he sees it and got so defensive when I said that's wrong.

He thinks dentists are out to get him yet happily took the help with his tooth was in so much pain from not bothering to wash them.

His last girlfriend in videos has teeth like this and they both smoked weed all day everyday so he's had his parents saying it's fine. A 10 year relationship saying it's fine. And I'm the first person to say no it's not and he's freaked out. And refused to change

lap90 · 09/02/2024 15:20

You are well rid.

Grimchmas · 09/02/2024 23:24

Yes you are much better off without him. Even if his own health wasn't enough of a reason to look after his own teeth, it's basic respect to your partner to look after your oral hygiene. The fact that it permeated your flat is horrendous 😑

Grimchmas · 09/02/2024 23:29

I grew up with parents who only did the very basic of tooth care, and when their dentist went private they didn't bother getting another one - since I was a child at the time and quite traumatised by tooth removal surgery I just didn't see a dentist for years. It's only in recent years I've got over my own dental phobia and found a dentist, and taken advice on how to clean and floss properly - out of fear of having a dental emergency and not being able to be seen anywhere, which quite a few of my friends have had!

Even in the interim years I would brush properly (As best as I knew how with a manual toothbrush). My point is, I grew up "neglected" in this area and found my own way - all adults can, regardless of childhood.

Original poster
strawo · 10/02/2024 00:32

@Grimchmas yes!! I was the same growing up. I didn't get to go to the dentist and I was terrified of them. Took me until 20 to be brave enough and go

In the same as you I cleaned the best I could and flossed. I've actually brushed so much and so hard I have receded my gums on some teeth. Which terrifies me about getting gum diseases which he could have passed on to me since I've receded my gums from over brushing.

No one ever told me to be gentle on my gums I assumed cleaning hard was the best way.

So it blows my mind how we've both changed yet he simply can't and truly seeings nothing at all wrong with his oral hygiene

OP posts:
Original poster
strawo · 10/02/2024 00:39

@Grimchmas the smell isn't even one I've ever smelt before

It's like a rancid off garlic and food smell. Which is why I assumed it had to have been him cooking something that smelt rank

But no he smelt during the day when we'd eaten the same things. None of which included garlic yet he started that smell and overnight made that rancid smell

It's like garlic and rotten food combined and the strength of the smell is so bad
I could smell him from outside the bedroom with the door closed. I came in the room and opened the window I couldn't stand it that much. Is he just used to his mum and dad and ex smelling this way

How on earth he can't possibly smell that blows my mind. Whenever I've eaten crisps or garlic I smell it on myself. So how on earth can't he

What pissed me off so much was he did a couples quiz a few months back saying which would you rather your partner breath or body smelt and he said how much he'd hate it if my breath smelt!!

I'm honestly beyond angry at the smell of my flat and having to air it out. And smelling him from outside the bedroom

It's felt so good to rant on here and be validated instead of "but I do brush my teeth at work" yet somehow smelt so bad

I also haven't told my friends or family yet and they really like him and I feel like bad for ending it since they like him but I cannot take it anymore and I felt like the bad person for so so long feeling this way and everyone will think I'm an awful person for ending it over bad oral hygiene.

OP posts:
Paw2024 · 10/02/2024 01:09

Don't feel bad at all
I don't know what it is with some men but I've met quite a few where they stink of tonsil stones or just bad breath and I'm... can you not taste it?! I'm sure some of it is never drinking water as well
I get tonsil stones and know when I have one

It just seems disrespectful somehow like I'm spending all this time brushing my teeth, flossing, tongue scraping and they're doing nothing and expecting me to kiss them? No thanks