My partner breath always smells what do I do?

[strawo]

He apparently brushes his teeth at work and sent me a photo of his tooth brush and tooth paste at work saying he works with the public ofc he brushes

Yet he stinks all the time; he smokes and doesn't have a good diet

He only has a handful of back teeth and all have fillings.

Surely he is lying about brushing or doesn't brush properly? How doesn't he know how to brush properly

I made a joke saying that's not long enough to brush your teeth to him then finally snapped and said you need to brush each tooth? And yet he got so defensive and said he does that was just a quick brush

But he smells so bad all the time. What do I do?

Does he have autism?

@strawo

Well, you've just answered it really. His Dad convinced him that dentists are scamming bastards and use dubious drugs. He has all sorts of hang ups about it. He probably panics every time you mention it.

I think you'll have to give him an ultimatum. Either he does something about it, or ..........

@ginasevern I did I said I was going to leave him and thought it was so disrespectful he won't clean his teeth/properly then kiss me and back fired with "I do all the time I work with the public etc" and sent me a photo of his tooth brush at work then I said but not for nearly enough or properly and he was super defensive saying no I do you've just caught me doing quick washes

If he doesn't fix it after that conversation then I'm not sticking around. It's making me hate him

@namechangedforthisone123456 his back teeth are awful. Really bad they are basically brown and the fact he only has 4 back teeth in total. He's obviously had more than just one on each removed

But his front teeth are honestly fine they look dirty like almost fuzzy but they don't look rotten etc

Now that I've remembered in old photos of him and his family as kids they all have food in their teeth in the photos I've only gotten that when I've not brushed in the morning and just ate.

@rio2 no he doesn't

@SunSparkle if he does have gum disease surely his dentist would be doing the same as yours? All he had to get last time was a scale and polish (which made the few weeks after amazing, he had no smell whatsoever) but within weeks a smell was back.

@sunsparkle were in Scotland and you can't get a dentist on the nhs so he has to be private dentist. I know mines is and properly looks after teeth etc.

I'm going to be slightly kinder than others. I've read all your posts and it really seems that your partner was raised in a possibly an environment that was neglectful. You've already stayed his parents house is dirty etc and his parents don't believe dentists are there for the greater good! Your partner really sounds like someone who is struggling with being a product of his upbringing, perhaps it has been engrained in him to not brush his teeth. Losing this many teeth and not seeming to be worried is not normal.

He needs to see a dentist, preferably with you there with him. You can ask the questions that he may not have asked. Ultimately, you can't force him to care for himself but you can understand there may be big reasons behind it.

If you can't cope with this, then perhaps he isn't the right person for you. You've encouraged him but you can't force him to stop neglecting himself.

Op I think you have posted about this guy before as I remember you mentioning his family and the conspiracy theories. That’s fine but it suggests the problem is not going to go away even if you keep mentioning it to him. He has bad habits and he doesn’t want to change.

My ex was like this. I felt so bad telling him and just stopped kissing him and would pull away. He went dentist when we split up and needed 4 fillings. Hopefully his breath is better now. It's awful isn't it.

@MissersMercer all his back teeth have fillings is it possible to need a filling on a filling?

It might be his diet. Try changing some of the foods they are eating.

You mean "what should my husband do about his vile breath?"

Because its his problem to sort out, not yours!

Did he used to have a massive speed/ extacy habit?

Or still have one?

@strawo a hygienist is much better at cleaning than a dentist doing a scale and polish. They will do a much deeper clean. Unfortunately it means you have to pay for two appointments. Your dentist checks you gums, teeth and jaw for cavities and anything related. The hygienist should be seen more frequently to keep the gum disease under control. Some practices have their own on site hygienist, others might need to refer you elsewhere. A dentist will spend about 5 mins on a scale and polish, the hygienist will spend 30-45 mins using ultrasonic and manual tools to really get below the gum line. The difference for me was night and day and over a couple of years I reversed my gum disease and preserved my teeth

@bluebeardswife7 no but he smoked weed for 5 years before meeting me

@SunSparkle you've now got me worried, at my dentist I get a scale and polish from a dental nurse. I've never even been to a hygienist. Does the dentist recommend you go to one? Or tells you that you need to

@strawo most people don’t need to see a hygienist- the standard dentist clean will do them fine. But if, like me, you are predisposed to teeth that get plaque build up and inflamed gums despite impeccable brushing and flossing, a hygienist is recommended.

I would imagine his dentist would recommend/refer him if he was more open about the smell. Or he can just book in with a hygienist without a dentist referral. It is a very good investment in keeping your own teeth.

If you're getting a scale and polish, you're unlikely to need a hygienist. They would definitely tell you if they thought you needed one.

You mention that yours is a private dentist - I go to an NHS one and pay £25ish for a check-up, but that doesn't include the scale and polish, so they have a private hygienist at the same practice for patients who want to pay for a scale and polish, or Waterpik cleaning or whatever, on top of the NHS treatment.

So... from what you've said, he was brought up in a very unhygienic and dirty environment by parents who not only didn't teach him how to brush his teeth, but are actively suspicious of dental hygiene. So I can see how he's grown up thinking his dental situation is normal/acceptable - it's all he's ever known and he probably feels defensive because to him, pointing out that what his parents taught him is wrong/harmful might feel, to him, like they're being criticised. He probably doesn't want to admit to himself, let alone to anyone else, that his parents weren't always the best at maintaining basic standards like hygiene for their kids. This is why he's lying about the reason his back teeth were removed, I think. I don't think he wants to admit that his parents just let their children's teeth rot.

What is the one toothpaste that his dad says he should use? Because I'm wondering if it's one with no fluoride in it, in which case I'm not surprised he's lost most of his back teeth at a young age. Fluoride is the most important ingredient in toothpaste but some people (well, some mad cranks and conspiracy theorists anyway) have this paranoid theory that it's put there to poison us or something.

It sounds like the habits of his childhood are really ingrained in him and that he's reluctant to let them go. It's hard to know if there's a solution to that - I suspect there isn't.

@KreedKafer I think that too but I was never taught how to brush my teeth by parents etc and lived in an adequately clean house. It was messy at times yet I've taught myself good oral hygiene. I don't understand how you can truly believe you're doing good cleaning your teeth and that tooth paste is bad for you when the proof is there, his teeth are missing, mines and many peoples aren't.

Why use whitening strips surely the highest ingredient in those are fluoride

It's so annoying because it's like it constricts itself. And there's proof brushing well keeps your teeth. It's unbelievably frustrating.

You don’t have to be with a man with bad breath you know! Not if the solution is to clean his teeth properly and he chooses not to. Do you think he is suddenly going to start looking after them?

Oh, I totally agree with you - it's absolutely maddening that he won't just accept that his parents were in the wrong when he was a kid, and that now he's a grown up he should look at the (overwhelmingly obvious!) evidence and make some fucking changes in his life. It's really depressing that he's apparently determined to stick with breath that smells like a bin.

It's definitely not any further issue than not cleaning his teeth

He ate muscles with garlic and wine sauce 3 days ago and honestly still stinks horribly of it mixed with just bad breath

He was vaping in the room last night and I had to open the window and leave it open for hours. I didn't smell the vape at all

I've never known anyone to smell that long of food it's honestly rancid. He doesn't drink anything but coke which doesn't help clean his mouth it makes things so much worse. If he drank water it would maybe help. He cleaned his teeth for under a minute today