Is it me or are they being too much/expecting too much?

[humorehalp]

I’m a single parent and live a few minutes walk from my parents. I work and have a busy social life and my home is not small, it takes ages at weekends to keep on top of (intention is to downsize).

Every few days my parents will ask when they are seeing dd. Yesterday we met for a coffee at local place and after an hour I said dd needed a nap so we would have to go. That part was fine, then they start saying will you come over tomorrow, dd could do this or that etc. I feel so pressured all the time. I’m supposed to be seeing a friend today and was really looking forward to it but again I’ve been contacted already asking if I will have time to go round

i am not ready to leave dd with them and I prefer to be there when she’s there, I also work so don’t see her huge amount myself in the week.

aibu? I know it’s nice they ask and want to se her but it’s so constant and I feel pressure all the time. Sometimes I want two weeks to myself and that would be thought of as crazy given they live so close.

There is way more to this OP. It would be the perfect arrangement if you could leave her for a couple of hours with them.

Do they ask?

OP, I would be very sad if you were my daughter and being so controlling with my relationship with my grandchild. I'm not quite sure why you are this way, and I really hope my DD is not like that when she has children as we are currently quite close (she's only 15!). If I lived close to her, and particularly if she were single, I'd love to be very involved.

It sounds like you are holding them at arm's length and it's making them more clingy. It also sounds like you are very anxious about your DD, and as a result overly controlling. This will affect her as she grows older, so it may be worth thinking about why you're like that and what may help it change before she's old enough to be affected. Did they not spend much time with you growing up? Do you have preexisting mental health issues which could be causing this? There must be more to it than your OP though.

Although your child goes to nursery, so is used to others, there may come a time when you need your parents to take over care for a day, a week or longer. They need practice. Your child needs to be used to them caring for her on their own. You are being unfair to both your child and your parents. Ease up. You also need your own time, outside of work, when you can relax, run, swim, meet friends child free etc.

Could they pick her up from nursery one afternoon a week? DM did that with DS when he was that age, and took him for picnics in the park etc.

It wasn’t a regular thing and I still kept him in a full time nursery place, but she would pick him up after his nap and have him for 3-4 hours until I got him. He loved being spoiled by granny, she loved having him to herself, and I was at work anyway so made no difference to me.

OP, can I ask what happens currently if your child is ill, and can't go to nursery? Are you always able to take time off? Supposing she goes through a spell where she gets ill frequently, would your employer still be happy to let you have time off? If not, do you have anyone else who is likely to come and help at the drop of a hat? Also, can I ask, is there any involvement from your child's father at all? As another poster has said, it sounds like there is MUCH more to this than you are telling us. With regard to your friends who don't have children, I can tell you that although they won't say anything, they are likely pretty fed up with your child always being there, as I bet you are constantly interrupting the conversation to watch what your DD is up to, or respond to her in some way. As the friend in this picture, the novelty of that wears thin VERY quickly.