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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have cried in the car after leaving lunch?

83 replies

allthewayacrosstheroom · 27/01/2024 22:15

Met up with two friends today - another friend was suppose to join but cancelled last minute.

Friend that didn’t join us is in a shitty relationship but she seems to be clinging on despite being unhappy. Anyway, the other two were talking about her saying that she’s getting old and how it will take time to find someone else etc

And I’m sat there at 36 (3 years older than the person they are discussing), single and childless. And I just felt absolutely horrendous. How can you be so oblivious

OP posts:
SunaipāUrufu · 27/01/2024 22:18

because sometimes people get carried away with the conversation

QueenBean22 · 27/01/2024 22:18

Can guarantee they are talking about you behind your back too. People like this always do.

Sorry they made you feel this way, did you interject at all?

AliTheMinx · 27/01/2024 22:21

Oh OP. How insensitive. Sending the biggest hug xx

recyclemeagain · 27/01/2024 22:22

Well first of all 33 is not old and neither is 36. People meet their soul mate at all different ages and that is fine. Your friends sound like they got carried away in their conversation and opinions, but I would add nothing good ever comes of gossip. And no you weren't unreasonable to have a little cry as sometimes we just need to. You really aren't old though and their opinions don't really matter in the grand scheme of life.

tortiecat · 27/01/2024 22:22

YANBU.

They're either totally thoughtless, or bellends, I'm not sure which? Either way I am sorry you are upset, I would have been too Flowers

Incidentally, I believe 36 is no age, and wish you all the best should you want a relationship / children.

Newnamehiwhodis · 27/01/2024 22:23

You’re not unreasonable to cry; your feelings are valid. I can’t stand when people talk about others. Hugs

MiddleClassProblem · 27/01/2024 22:23

It seems utterly bizarre that they think that. You are never too old for one thing and if they were writing people off in their 30s they are very narrow minded. Also, it’s shit that your friend may not want a relationship after being in such an awful one.

I know it must have been hard to hear when you are single but they are absolutely wrong. 36 is in no way too old to meet someone, the notion is ridiculous, and much better to find the right person than be caught in a relationship like your friend. We all go our own paces and have our own paths.

HalloumiGeller · 27/01/2024 22:27

What idiots, 36 is no age!

I was 34 ish when I split from my ex of 12 years and have rebuilt my life since!

Ignore them, you're only 33 and have so much time believe me! I met my now partner at 34, we've bought a house and I'm 6 months pregnant with our baby (I'm 39) so believe me you have plenty of time for your happy ever after! Not that I really believe in all that crap anyway, as no relationship is perfect.

cargear01 · 27/01/2024 22:27

@allthewayacrosstheroom they mean because she is wasting her time. They see you as in a completely different situation… and you are, you are free to meet someone right for you, but the friend stuck in a dead end relationship is not.

It was insensitive but I’m as sure as I can be that their thinking is as I’ve just said.

I hope you’re ok. You’re not old, really you’re not. If it helps three of my colleagues just had their first babies in the last year and they’re all over forty. It may not seem like it but you genuinely are in a better position than someone who is staying in the wrong relationship and will have many months or longer to get over someone before she can begin to find the right person.

ThinWomansBrain · 27/01/2024 22:28

One of the group is desperately hanging on to a bad relationship that makes her unhappy... sounds like they are all desperate air heads who have no self worth and think that life is not complete without A Man.
Get yourself a life, and better friends.

blackpanth · 27/01/2024 22:28

YANBU sending hugs x

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 27/01/2024 22:32

Going against the grain. They might have being crap. But they might have been commenting more on your friends behaviour rather than the situation. As in, she must be desperate to find someone, so she might be 'lucky' and find someone...rather than meaning that's what everyone would think of as lucky. Not sure if I'm explaining myself well, but if your friend is desperately clinging to a rubbish relationship, then she clearly prioritises being in a relationship (Any one no matter how rubbish it is) and they hope that if that's what she wants , that's what happens for her

Faz469 · 27/01/2024 22:33

Op don't despair. I was single for a long time after my previous relationship. Met my partner 3 years ago. He is the love of my life. We got engaged after 18 months together and we have a 6 month old.

You are not too old. Tell your mates to sod off.

IsawwhatIsaw · 27/01/2024 22:34

Insensitive at the very least. And wrong. Like someone else said , I expect when you’re not there, they’ll talk about you. I’d drift away from them to find more supportive kinder friends.

SmudgeButt · 27/01/2024 22:35

Well for what it's worth I honestly think that if there is a hell and I go there I will be listening to every careless comment I ever made in my life and know precisely how the person felt when I said it. yes I'm mouthy and don't think a lot of the time before opening my great fat gob.

NotStayingIn · 27/01/2024 22:37

But you say they were talking about HER saying those things. So are you saying they were then agreeing with what she had said? Or were they just discussing what she had said? It doesn’t to me sound like it in any way reflects on you.

macedoniann · 27/01/2024 22:38

Oh OP I know it's hard if you're single and childless (but don't want to be). It's really insensitive of them.
On the other hand... do they know how you feel? And what were they actually talking about?
It's perfectly reasonable to say that one shouldn't cling on to an unhappy relationship, It's even said on here as well. The longer you waste, the more time you take away from finding someone better. Especially if the man is stringing you along, you have to take action and dump him!
If they didn't mean it like that and were actually judgy I don't blame you for being upset but the above isn't mean-spirited at all.

Original poster
allthewayacrosstheroom · 27/01/2024 22:39

NotStayingIn · 27/01/2024 22:37

But you say they were talking about HER saying those things. So are you saying they were then agreeing with what she had said? Or were they just discussing what she had said? It doesn’t to me sound like it in any way reflects on you.

What who said?

OP posts:
Allthatwegotisthispalebluedot · 27/01/2024 22:41

The thing is OP you are in a completely different situation to your friend. You could meet and marry the love of your life tomorrow. You are free and have total control over what you do next. If your friend is in a shitty relationship and still holding out hope for this fool, she isn’t free. It’s totally different and your friends probably had no idea you even interpreted their comments in the way you did.

NotStayingIn · 27/01/2024 22:42

Sorry maybe I’m getting confused by this:

Anyway, the other two were talking about her saying that she’s getting old

InTheRainOnATrain · 27/01/2024 22:43

Oh no poor you. But maybe they just mean that your friend is wasting her time. You’ve got more chance of meeting someone decent (if that’s what you want) by virtue of not being tied down to some loser like your misery mate. I’m sure they didn’t mean that 33 or 36 is past it! Just that when you’re in your 30s and if you’re thinking more seriously about marriage and babies, you don’t want to be wasting your time in shit relationships.

BudgetFoodie · 27/01/2024 22:44

@allthewayacrosstheroom

I was 36, newly divorced and childless......I met DH very unexpectedly and we were married within the year and I had my second child on my 40th birthday.

Life can surprise you .

saltnvini · 27/01/2024 22:46

HalloumiGeller · 27/01/2024 22:27

What idiots, 36 is no age!

I was 34 ish when I split from my ex of 12 years and have rebuilt my life since!

Ignore them, you're only 33 and have so much time believe me! I met my now partner at 34, we've bought a house and I'm 6 months pregnant with our baby (I'm 39) so believe me you have plenty of time for your happy ever after! Not that I really believe in all that crap anyway, as no relationship is perfect.

OP is 36

HalloumiGeller · 27/01/2024 22:47

saltnvini · 27/01/2024 22:46

OP is 36

Show quote history

Whatever, its 3 years, hardly here or there

momonpurpose · 27/01/2024 22:50

AliTheMinx · 27/01/2024 22:21

Oh OP. How insensitive. Sending the biggest hug xx

This! Sending hugs and no not too late at all