To have cried in the car after leaving lunch?

[allthewayacrosstheroom]

Met up with two friends today - another friend was suppose to join but cancelled last minute.

Friend that didn’t join us is in a shitty relationship but she seems to be clinging on despite being unhappy. Anyway, the other two were talking about her saying that she’s getting old and how it will take time to find someone else etc

And I’m sat there at 36 (3 years older than the person they are discussing), single and childless. And I just felt absolutely horrendous. How can you be so oblivious

I think the thing that most upset OP was their dismal outlook on the possibilities and prospects post a certain age, and the fact that this was effectively delivered with a hammer blow by not pausing to think ( or worse, potentially side-targeting, ) OP’s own circumstances . They were saying the absent friend ( who is younger than OP by three years) was leaving it too late by persisting with a bad relationship if she wants to meet someone decent and have children. OP, noting that the absent friend actually had three more years up her sleeve than OP has, took this ( understandably) as an equally dire assessment of her situation, also being single and childless and, yes, without the ball and chain of a dodgy relationship, but with three less years to play with. Obviously this then made her feel that people must be thinking similar about her: that she’s cutting it fine to meet someone and start a family if that’s her wish ( and clearly it is or she wouldn’t be posting upset; she’d be posting to say honestly, some women have such boring mindsets etc …. ). That’s why people have mentioned men, as part of a discussion of whether it is or isn’t still fully possible to meet someone who is right and have time to start a family. Some women may not want that, some women may want a sperm donor and to be man free. But OP does want it; she wants a more traditional set up and the conversation came as as an unfiltered undermining of the likelihood. But it really isn’t that unusual a situation OP: plenty of women move from where you stand right now to everything you wish for. At least men 30 plus are more likely to be ready to settle. I wish you well 🤞

In what world is 33 too old to find a partner!?

I met my husband at 36 married by 39 and had my dd at 43 and I met him in a pub the old fashioned way .. oh and he's a great husband certainly didn't settle.. so please don't take the comments to heart by your friend they talking rubbish.

OP, it is better by a factor of several trillion to be single and stable, than stuck in a crappy relationship, whatever your age. Being in a poor relationship is very bad for your confidence and mental health. And then you have to factor in recovery time after then and possibly poor rebound relationships too. You are in a far better position than that other woman, because you are free and able to start a healthy relationship without the ghosts of a recent difficult one.

It is easier said than done, but try not to make this all about your friends and the comments they made. Yes, it was insensitive, but they were just filling time and chatting.

Try and dissociate the situation you are in from the comments of your friends, as ultimately your current status is not their doing. Of course 36 is not too old. In my view, you are still not at the prime of life! That happens in your 40s. Just try and keep an open mind and a positive, outward-looking focus on life and I hope a relationship will happen for you. I really do not think you need to panic yet!

Somebody once told me.i was over the hill and past it at 27......

My mum was given an “older mother “ bracelet in hospital when she had a baby at 28. They did cloak it in Latin but nonetheless, they clearly felt she was medically pushing it!

Tines change. And FWIW OP, if I imagine my early 20’s self looking after my children for even a few hours - let alone raising them - I shudder. That’s not to say some aren’t ready at that age, but it is to say some of us mature into the role! There’s no one way of doing things and most paths have their pros and cons.

You're not old OP!
Nor is your friend. I always find the people who love to gossip about others and their situations are the ones drowning in their own insecurities.