No inheritance because of pilot training

[Poily]

My brother is a pilot for a major airline in the UK. My parents were not able to borrow against their house to fund it so had to use pretty much all their savings. £150k was roughly what was spent.

Due to their failed business (folded just after Covid) they racked up massive loans trying to save their hospitality-related business. When they sell their house they won’t end up with much.

So I don’t know exactly how it works but some of that £150k ends up in a bond which the airline then pays out to my brother every month in his pay packet. But if my brother walks away from the airline he walks away from this bond also. It’s a lot of money. Gets paid over 7 years I think.

AIBU to think my brother should not quit his job and move to the Middle East (stupid salary) as he plans to do? He way paying that bond money to my parents.

Brother has said he will cover my parents bills. Great. Thats the right thing to do. But that cuts me out. As my parents were transferring the bond
money into a savings account for my kids.

AIBU?

I totally understand how you feel. In essence that have given yr brother 150K and you nothing. Id be pissed as well. Parents shouldn't treat kids differently.

Your brother needs to pay your parents back.
Doesn't really matter how he does this. I suspect the very high salary in the Middle East would make up for the difference in losing the bond.
It's their money and it's up to them how they spend it, but if your brother doesn't pay them back then to me it seems very unfair for your brother to benefit to the tune of 150k if your parents haven't been able to help you out in a similar manner.
It is, however, ridiculous of you to frame this as "inheritance".
Like I say, it's your parents' money to spend and for all you know they might want to go on a round-the-world cruise or it might get swallowed up by social care fees later on. To consider this - or any - money that belongs to your parents your or your kids' inheritance is really quite gross.

so crazy to read things like this. I grew up on a council state, my parents are immigrants, had nothing on their back, still very little now. I wouldn't dream of them giving me anything. I guess we all live very very differently. And I agree with the person above. Inheritance is not a birth right.

What do you do with your own life though? What have you been doing with all the privilege you grew up with? I'd really love to know because everything I own I have earned myself.

I get why it irks you. It’s ok people saying inheritance isn’t a birth right, but that’s the way it is - usually your parents assets are passed down to the next generation. That’s the way it’s always been. But tbh this is an agreement made between your parents and your db, and it seems nothing was considered at the time, in writing, to all the situations which could occur as to how the debt would be paid. It all seems a bit vague. You can either sit and inwardly seethe for the rest of your days, or sit down with them all and voice your concerns to get everything out there.

This just feels a bit grabby knowing your parents are near penniless.

But there’s no gift. It was a loan that he was and still will be paying back.

The difference is the repayments will now be spent on the parents living costs after they lost their home and business, rather than put aside for OP

They haven't given him £150k and the OP nothing. They've loaned the DB money which he is paying back, and that money is being put into the OP's kids savings accounts.

This investment of £150k into the DB's career means that he is now able to get an extremely high paying job in the Middle East, and earn enough money to build a property when he returns, with secure accommodation for the OP's parents. I think he is more than paying them back!

I doubt the bond is for £150k as that sounds incredibly high, but if the DB will be doubling or tripling his salary in the Middle East then it makes more financial sense to forfeit the last few years of bond repayments than to stay in a lower paying job.

Surely whatever money is currently paying their bills will be available if your sibling takes on that responsibility and they can save it for you if they wish.

If It’s going to be equal, then OP would get £75k.

We have no idea how much has already been paid and how much is left. OP hasn’t revealed that information. So your post is pure speculation.

Rent and bills I think.

It sounds like your parents are happy with the arrangement. It must be reassuring for them to know that they'll be able to live with their son when they're older. Ultimately, any money they could have been paid back may well have ended up spent on care home costs. You sound entitled.

I don’t think it’s great for parents to treat two children so differently and I certainly wouldn’t spend 150k on one child and nothing for the other. My mum also wouldn’t and would consider how one of us might feel. So would most of the people claiming you’re being unreasonable

So far the only people being given anything with no expectation of it being paid back, in cash or care, are the Op’s children

@Poily - I am thinking that you need to shift your mindset from thinking that this is your inheritance or something that your children may be in line to receive.

I do think that if your parents paid £150k towards your brother receiving his wings, he need to take out a loan for that amount and pay the £150k back to his parents so his financial dealings are with a bank and not your parents any more.

That way, your parents have their money to do with as they see fit when they can decide how/what to do with it.

I also think that if they are 'forgetting' about the £150k (which is a hell of a lot of money to be forgetting about or writing off) they either see your brother as the golden child or they themselves have little appreciation for the cost of things and the value of money. They have had money in the past and they probably believe that they still have time to get it again. This is not necessarily true.

If I were you, I'd arrange to have a chat with both parents and explain that the money they spent on your brother getting his pilot's license could see them comfortably off for a while into their retirement but as it is, they are going to have to be very frugal with no mention of any inheritance at all. Let the focus be on them and their financial situation and you are simply expressing a concern about how they will manage in the months and years to come.

By the sounds of it, your parents have lost everything. Their business (and hospitality is usually a labour of love) & their home. I'm not sure why this money is coming to your kids at all, it should be for them to live out their forced retirement, to do mad shit with if they want to.

I'd be devastated if my parents struggled in their older years & my kids benefited from that.

Except he has been given nothing.

He was loaned money and is paying it back.

OP's kids have been given money.

If the £150k is to be split equally to OP/DB he needs to repay £75k. He has already paid some. He will continue paying and we don't know how how much he has already reaped.

THEN he will house and look after his parents by providing housing and no financial worries. Meanwhile OP is helping them how?

FGS. Do people not read posts properly?!

The money was a loan. There is no gift. It was being repaid. And it is still being paid back.

OP is just bitter that the repayments won’t be set aside for her and her children anymore and instead used on her parents’ living costs, after they lost their home and business.

Ah, thank you. I read the OP several times thinking I was going mad. Following your tip, I found it! The OP's post no 6 says

Parents rent and bills will be more than £700 a month.

And no 8:

Yes but my brother will no longer transfer £700 to parents in new arrangement. His repayment comes in the form of rent will be directly paid to landlord.

I have more questions than answers but from the bits and pieces it seems that the brother paid for his training using a loan of £150k from parents, which his airline employer is reimbursing him for over 7 years, from which he pays back his parents £700 a month. And now that arrangement may cease.

Beyond that we know the parents have had some misfortune and own a house with debts and we don't know the OP's or brother's own current financial circumstances and whether they own property or assets.

Think everyone knows it's going to turn into at least a partial gift of a huge amount. 150k at 700 a month....minus whatever tiny dent he's put in it.... my maths isn't great but that's a pretty long time.

Also tbh my comment was just a general observation about MN competitive not-arsedness about unequal treatment with siblings.

I totally get what you’re saying. My brother is also a pilot, and borrowed from my parents to do the course. He’s paid it all back now because he’s earning mega bucks. As should your brother. YANBU.

yes of course, which is why my post says if there is nothing left, there is nothing to leave.

I also said that inheritance is not guaranteed. At the end of the day the money belongs to the person and if there is any left when they die, then the family get an inheritance.

I will make some provision for my DD by putting at least half the house in her name, which will also save it from care home fees, but ultimately I would not live in poverty just to be able to leave an inheritance. Inheritance is "leftovers" in a way.

OP is entitled to feel hard done by though if DB ends up having been gifted money and she gets nothing. Even if originally loaned, it turns into gifted once the repayments stop.

If the payments are continuing but are needed to pay for living costs, then ultimately DB will repay it all, and house the parents, and there won't be any inheritance for either of them.

I'd be devastated if my parents struggled in their older years & my kids benefited from that.

This 100%!

To even be moaning about her parents money when they have this going on is what makes the OP come across badly

As others have asked but as far I can see the OP has not answered, what has happened to the money already paid into the kids accounts? Because if my parents business had failed and they had debts then that money would be going back to them without a thought

This! Why is the £700 your brother paying going to your kids? I don't get the set-up at all.

OP isn't it more 'no inheritance because your parents are broke'?

They lent your DB money. As long as he pays it back then there is no inequality. Neither of you will have got anything from them. Infact your dc have money being put aside for them so potentially they will be benefiting a bit.

If he doesn't pay it back you have more of a point

If he's paying for their rent then he IS still paying back the loan. Why is this not how you see things?