OK. I probably am, but would value opinions of MNers.
Background information: DD is in final year of fashion degree. She is aged 21. She sometimes comes home to do her cutting out of clothes as we have a large empty bedroom for her spread fabric out in. Her final collection has to be in on the last day in April. She also is desperate for models for her catwalk show in May and asked me to ask amongst my friends.
A friend and colleague of mine said her daughter could do modelling and was the right height, dress size etc. She is also a reasonably pretty girl.
Last night at 10.30pm me and DH went to pick DD up, along with all her fabric, patterns, sewing machine etc. Just before midnight as me and DH were making moves to get to bed, DD said??can I go on your computer?? We said ?yes, but don?t make yourself late for bed, you?ve a lot to do tomorrow etc.?
Anyway, as I was saying goodnight, I suddenly remembered the picture of the would-be model I?d found. I went in the study and said??oh I think I?ve found you a model, you will be pleased?. I put the photo in front of DD, who glanced briefly and said:
?God she?s ugly?!
My heart went fluttery and I felt terrible ? this is a friend?s precious daughter she is talking about. I said ?oh she is not that bad surely, and she?s the right size, height etc ? just what you wanted, and beggars cannot be chosers, she?s happy to do it for free, don?t be so nasty please?.
DD picked up the photo, threw it down and said ?oh come on mum, she?s got a face that looks like its been hit by a bus?! (how did I raise such a bitch I wonder).
To change the subject, as she was obviously in one of her ?moods? I said, ?what are you doing on the computer then, it looks interesting? I couldn?t actually see what she was doing and it just looked like a blue and white webpage. Well? with that, DD slams the laptop shut and says: ?for gods sake how dare you read my emails?!! I said ?I was not reading your emails, I just saw the banner at the top and read it out loud, I didn?t even KNOW it was emails.?
DD: ?Oh come on, you deliberately read my emails by standing so close and looking over my shoulder, of course you know they are emails?.
Now normally I would just say sorry and leave it at this, but last night I thought ?no, I wont be spoken to like this?? so I retaliated (also I was angry about her comments about the photo).
I laid into her and a massive slanging match ensued between the two of us. DH was hiding upstairs listening. I told her, loudly, that I would not be spoken to like that, this was MY computer, MY study, MY house and that she should show a bit of respect when people do her favours like letting her come home to cut out, sew, model for her, lend her computers to use etc. I said ?it?s always the same with you, you come here and act like the big I am and treat me like a bit of muck on your shoe?.
(reaching screaming pitch at each other by now)
She kept on about how her emails were private and I?d deliberately read them. I countered with ?I didn?t know they were emails, it looks like a web page and I couldn?t have read them from that distance anyway?.. and round we went, in circles.
I flounced out and went off to bed after more of the same, but louder. Then, as DH and I were in bed, we could hear her crying loudly and dramatically downstairs in the study. DH got out of bed to go to her and I said ?Oh leave her, she?s 21 and has to learn that she cannot be so rude to people?. He said ?I cannot leave my daughter crying downstairs?. I followed him? she started again about me reading her emails and off we went again.
6.30am this morning. DH comes in bedroom to wake me and tell me that he is taking DD back to uni right there and then. She refuses to stay. I could hear her down in the hall, still wittering about me reading her emails and DH trying to pacify her.
She is cutting off her own nose to spite her face by leaving. How the hell is she going to get her fabric cut out and her dress collection finished now? I suppose I will get the blame for her failing her degree because she says I don?t want her in the house.
Sorry? long story? but is it unreasonable of me to not ring her and beg her to come home today? Or should I ring and apologise for something I haven?t done (read emails). If I ring and even mention emails, we will be down the shouting route again I fear.
Did I behave unreasonably? Am I ^still behaving unreasonably by not contacting her today?
And I?m still very angry about her rudeness over the girl who offered to model.