Sahm housework help

[Duckingfun]

Please be kind as I’m struggling right now.

My house isn’t good enough. Its better than every house I lived in as a child and with my ex. Obviously I accept I’m used to it as it’s my ‘normal’ but it’s not because professionals say it’s not good enough.

I’m also autistic, homeless at 16 and never been taught to cook/clean/wash/whatever. I have no partner, no family and no friends (we moved away from friends because of dv and all my family have died or live elsewhere) ss involved due to dv and stayed involved due to poor house conditions.

I find housework really boring and mundane and when I do it it’s not good enough. I hoovered the living room and was told it didn’t look like it had been hoovered - I have a toddler and a teen, both asd etc and life is hard but I’m told there’s people in my situation with health problems, no support and 5+ disabled children whose house is spotless. How?
One social worker says house is ok 9/10 times and the other says it’s not and both say that’s not good enough anyway it needs to be spotless 10/10 times. Im crying because I’m overwhelmed and don’t feel I can physically do that? What do you do when you’re sick? Is it really that bad to leave the pots for the following day or only hoover once a day etc

I need to know exactly what you do each day to maintain your home. Tell me what products you use where, your cleaning routine if you have one, how you keep on top of stuff. How much time should be spent cleaning each room? How often do you wash bedding etc is being a sahm just endless cleaning?

thank you.

Why is your social worker commenting on your hovering?

I do very little housework. It's boring. 🥱

I clean bathrooms once a week, most other stuff too

A house does NOT need to be spotless! I agree with you that housework is boring and mundane though.

I do like dishes to be done because I can’t bear to come down to dirty dishes in the morning, so I will do those no matter what, but I don’t hoover every day, most days sure, but certainly not more than once a day.
Kitchen is cleaned as I go for counters & tiles but I only mop once a week and wipe up small spills as they happen.
Bathrooms get done all over twice a week, but a quick wipe down as I go most days.
If your SW is saying I’m told there’s people in my situation with health problems, no support and 5+ disabled children whose house is spotless. that certainly can’t be the majority of people they know about.
Is it clutter and mess that is the issue or is the house actually dirty?

I use a spray cleaner in the kitchen called elbow grease
Flash floor cleaner
Asda washing up liquid
Washing up sponges.
Bathroom I use cif bathroom for sinks and bath
Flash with bleach on the tiles,grout and toilet seat
Floor wipes
Domestos bleach down the toilet
Cleaning sponges.

A quick whiz round with the hoover downstairs most days. Stairs and bedroom once, maybe twice a week if I’m feeling energetic.
Hard flooring gets a mop once a week and I shuffle over it with an old towel as I go to dry it off and prevent streaks. I hate this. I have disabilities and I find it really hard work.
After lunch/dinner the counters will be sprayed and wiped to make sure no crumbs, & the dishes are done so none are left in the sink when I go to bed.
Beds changed once a week, not all on the same day due to washing/drying limitations.
Bathroom-I start by spraying the tiles/grout with the flash with bleach and leave it. I spray the toilet seat with the same then use toilet roll to rub/dry it off. Squirt bleach under the rim and around the toilet and leave it. Spray sink and bath with cif. Use cleaning sponge to clean bath and sink and rinse off. I clean under the toilet rim now the bleach has had time to work. I clean the mirror with mr muscle and buff it off with a dry cloth. On my hands and knees I clean the floor with a floor wipe. It’s actually really quick because I do it twice a week so isn’t ever too bad, but the sink, bath and toilet will get a quick wipe in between as needed.
Windows-inside rarely! I do mop my outside step and clean the front door when I mop though. We did have a monthly window cleaner but I wasn’t happy he left bird muck on the windows a couple of times (the same one so he’d missed it more than once) so we stopped him coming.
DH and DC are messy. It drives me mad. The house would look pretty good if they put things ack after themselves but there always seems to be clutter about.
I’ve seen posts on here from people who mop their floors every day, clean their windows every day etc etc but I do have disabilities, DH is very disabled and we have an ADHD/ASD DC so I do what I’m capable off without making myself ill.

You aren’t the only one who has never been taught how to clean though, I’ll see if I can find some more tip threads.
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3022559-to-have-no-clue-how-to-clean-a-house?flipped=1

So a messy house is neglect.

Ive been told I need to clean bathrooms daily, make sure skirting boards are clean as well etc mop daily. I’m feeling overwhelmed like there’s so much to do as well as looking after my kids and doing everything else that needs doing

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/housekeeping/4957575-realised-today-i-dont-actually-know-how-to-clean

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/housekeeping/4986351-would-anyone-be-able-to-give-me-a-step-by-step-instruction-on-how-to-clean-a-bathroom

set yourself a goal to clean a room a day and essentials everyday such as wiping down the sides, cleaning the toilet, emptying bins if they need doing etc.

Have you thought about hiring a cleaner to help you get things straight and from there you can just keep on top of it or maybe have them in once a month if you can afford it.

Be gentle with yourself you're doing what you can :)

Oh my goodness thank you so much! I really appreciate you taking the time to reply!

So a messy house is neglect

That is so out of order, and there is absolutely no need to mop daily. Can you ask for a different SW? Or speak to someone above them or something? Sorry, I don’t know how it all works, but they are awful saying that!

I really like the organised mum method, but before you read it, please understand that you can switch it up and change it around to suit you. If you're autistic it might be better to focus on the jobs rather than the time she suggests. Is there any chance of some help getting systems in place from sure start or similar?

If it didn't look like you hoovered is the bag or container full.

This seems like it all needs a bit more unpacking. SS threshold for telling you your house isn’t clean enough is usually pretty high IME. A house has to be quite bad for SS to actually see the need to comment and intervene. Have you been told specific problems or rooms that need to be sorted? Do you think your house is untidy or messy or unclean and how does it compare to other peoples houses? Sometimes houses are actually fairly clean, or you can spend a few hours cleaning them, and they still look awful because there’s so much crap everywhere. Is the issue also that you have a lot of stuff and so no matter how much you clean it doesn’t ever look ok?

Thank you, honestly I’ve been so upset about it all. My daughter is nearly 2, I’ve been told she’s autistic, she suffered trauma in the womb, has had mris and scans and waiting on blood tests now (I was beaten up when heavily pregnant) she’s a bit overweight and the health visitor said it’s because she’s not walking yet and the social worker said it could be due to neglect. I’m not even sure how that makes sense but I’m trying to jump through every hoop and prove myself.

Best wishes.

Are there other things you can do to free up time and reduce mess. e.g. batch cook a couple of meals that can sit in the fridge for a few days with extra portions frozen. Spaghetti bolognese and veg soup are two of the regulars that are easy and freeze well. This cuts down mess in the kitchen with less food prep every day. Can easily add a bit of variety with some bags of frozen veg. Bulk up the meals with red lentils.

not much advice on cleaning, I am bad at it. It does seem easier after a deep clean.

It sounds like you are already doing more than lots of people I know with young kids. Have they offered any support at all?

I have 2 young kids, one with adhd and asc and I have adhd and possibly asc so I know how hard it is to get on top of this stuff. And your youngest is tiny still. That said I have friends with lots of money, easy kids and no disabilities and their houses look a total mess just because they are busy and have young kids.

I’d recommend the organised mum method too. It’s really good if you are struggling to know what to do as there’s an app and options to get it to talk you through each job whilst you are doing it. It keeps me focussed and I feel like I’m not forgetting to do the main things.

Initially it was really bad. I asked for help because I was overwhelmed and I 100% recognise and accept that how the house was wasn’t good enough by a long way.
It was professionally cleaned in December and I’m (I thought) keeping on top of it. I have struggled with mental health and they’ve said the worry is that it will go back to that.
Ive said I need them to be really direct and tell me specifically what the issues are rather than ‘the house isn’t good enough’ she said crumbs on the floor and cushions on the floor and the house is dirty. I asked if she could show me the dirt and what she means so I know and she said the other sw will talk to me next week about what I need to do more specifically

Hey OP hope you’re ok- sending hugs

I think we all hate housework. I split chores with my partner but I still hate doing my bit.

The only thing which gets me through is listening to an audiobook/YouTube video. Like a true crime video I’ll listen to and I’ll tell myself I can put it on as long as I clean whilst I do :) it really gets me on the zone and I actually crack on with it. It’s hard x

Thank you, that’s a good idea. They seem to show up at the most messy moments when there’s a sink full of pots because we’ve just had dinner or something!

Thank you, I will definitely look at the organised mum method!
thank you @Nttttt youre all being really lovely.

I have never cleaned skirting boards,I clean daily kitchen,bathroom ie quick wipe to get rid of visible mess ,mop about every 4 weeks,occasionally dust if I can be arsed! My daughter is a SW and I can honestly say that your house will be pristine in comparison with the shit tips she visits !

With meals I write a list of options at the beginning of the week. Then I plan what we can have each day. I tend to make a big pan of pasta sauce using tinned tomato’s as a base but throw in other stuff like baked beans, peppers, carrots and then blend it so it’s smooth (due to dds food restrictions) then I freeze it in portions.

For light meals I bought one of those large round divided platters from Asda and will do a picky meal like carrot sticks, cucumber, pitta, hummus, cheese, fruit etc. For some reason the kids eat it more from this plate than if I just put it on their plates.

*tomatoes I mean. Silly phone

Sorry you are struggling. You have been through a lot and sound like you have a lot on. I also think many people assume we have been taught or just know how and when to do household stuff.

Have you asked the sw for support? Can anyone show you how to clean or help you develop a schedule.

Also there's various tiktok accounts that talk about managing at home with the basics. Such as domestic blisters.
I think most people find it boring BTW, it's just about managing that. For me I sit and have a coffee with a nice candle once I'm done and have set days to do the whole house.

https://www.homemadesimple.com/in-the-home/ultimate-cleaning-checklist-daily-weekly-monthly-seasonal/

I found this helpful. ADHD and shit at cleaning

I know you’ll all think I’m being ridiculous but I’m in tears at your kindness. I know mumsnet and in particularly aibu can be a bit brutal and Im sure someone will come along with some nastiness at some point but your comments have taken me from literal breaking point to thinking actually I can do this!

@Hoooooda ive just thought, it’s not cluttered but is in desperate need of decorating so maybe that’s adding a general air of not being clean enough, I might have a look online for some paint and rollers.

This is the book from the tiktok account person I mentioned. She's great in her approach

https://www.strugglecare.com/book

I think get yourself a routine. It doesn't need to be perfect. Cleaning skirting boards every day is just sign of a sick mind. Do the things that keep your household running so chucking a wash on as soon as there's enough stuff to go on'. Make sure anything that needs to be charged is charged. Make sure your actual loo is clean andvthe sink and that there is loo roll and clean hand towel. You don't need to scrub out the whole bathroom daily. Just go in and check those are OK. Keep on top of your washing up

Also OP you need to differentiate between mess and dirt. Dirt is always immediately cleaned and prevented if possible.
Crumbs for example - kids shouldn't be eating all over the place of if they must place something over their knees to catch the crumbs.

Mess... well.. I can never remember what goes where so I have chuckboxes all over the house I just sweep things into. Mess makes it harder to clean so I have to tidy it up first, Later I sort all the stuff in the boxes sending them to appropriate locations.

Toddlers can make lots and lots of mess, it's impossible to have a spotless house them but I suppose the obvious things can be tidied up. Things like food bits all over the kitchen etc I try to clean as I go, move all the dirty things to the sink at least even if I don't want to wash up immediately. Of course, don't ket it pile up either..